I feel so sad....

Original post by finallygotthering

Aug 27, 2005 12:15 PM

I just got a call from my brother he said he is getting married, my first reaction was OMG now I can have a planning partner, well his first comment was (since you have not find a hall yet tell us which one's you are thing about and what colors you think you are thinking about giving because my FW don't want anything like you and she thinks we should get married a month before you because we need more help). And he goes on to say since my FW taste is very much different I don't think we should have a problem.

I just started crying

I need a hug

babybug631 Posted: Aug 28, 2005 12:17 AM

Re: I feel so sad....

What makes it difficult is that you really don't have much time. You only have 9 months till your wedding. So he really couldn't plan it any sooner than 6-8 months from now. He really created a problem, because now you are going to resent his FW. He should have made her wait a year. What do your parents say about all of this?

PegaLega Posted: Aug 28, 2005 01:23 AM

Re: I feel so sad....

Personally-I think it was nice to ask what youwere doing, otherwise I think it is total crap that he is getting married one month before you!!!
I would tell him how you feel! It isnt fair to you since you obviously already have plans on your wedding.
I had somewhat of the same situation and I just pushed it further away-but I hadnt had anything planned just yet, so it was no problem for me.
You need to talk to him and if that doesnt work I would talk to her-but I can be somewhat of and *** so...take that into consideration!!!

ETA:You are allowed to be upset and if you want, BE SELFISH!! It is one of the most important days of your life...and I agree the only good thing is you will be able to top his!!

Summer05 Posted: Aug 28, 2005 01:45 AM

Re: I feel so sad....

Posted by babybug631

I don't think he meant to be mean. It's nice that he wanted to know what you were doing first so he doesn't step on your toes. As for the date of the wedding, he could have kept that part to himself. I'm sure your parents will figure out a way to be fair to the both of you.

I think if anyone should be mad it would be your parents, because now they have to chip in for 2 weddings, Ugghhh. I know my parents would feel stressed.

I know I have completely different taste than my FSIL, and we both know that. It's not a bad thing.

You have to look at it in a positive light and celebrate both your marriages.

PS--if he gets married first, you'll know how to top his wedding.

I totally agree!

prncssrachel Posted: Aug 28, 2005 01:49 AM

Re: I feel so sad....

I'm sorry, but maybe I'm not following. Why are you so upset? Because his FW doesn't have the same taste as you? It sounds like he was being considerate of you. I don't see the problem with him getting married before you. I was engaged over a year before my sister, and she got married two months before us, and we had the date set before her. Weddings are just like the people who throw them, they're all different. It really doesn't matter which comes first.

ssdbk Posted: Aug 28, 2005 02:11 AM

Re: I feel so sad....

That is terrible!! When we got engaged, my FH's sister was already engaged. We decided to have our wedding 5 months AFTER theirs. . We even feel guilty about planning so close to theirs but we would never have considered having ours first. I cannot imagine FH going to his sister and telling her that I had to have our wedding first.

lacey&mark Posted: Aug 28, 2005 09:13 AM

Re: I feel so sad....

I don't see the problem with him getting married before you. I was engaged over a year before my sister, and she got married two months before us, and we had the date set before her. Weddings are just like the people who throw them, they're all different. It really doesn't matter which comes first.

imo, when weddings are very close together its hard on the family financially (both for parents helping out and people giving gifts), also its hard for out of town guests to take off from work again and spend the $ to get there. and maybe it is a bit selfish, but i feel the same way, when its your special day you want that time to be about you. when its so close together its inevitable for repeat guests to compare and contrast. i just think its a sucky deal. ~Lacey

N.Y.bride Posted: Aug 28, 2005 09:18 AM

Re: I feel so sad....

I think its great that he asked, then they can avoid using the same things as you, but I wouldnt be happy about the comment were getting married a month before you because we need more help? Whats up with that?

N.Y.bride Posted: Aug 28, 2005 09:19 AM

Re: I feel so sad....

I agree with the above poster..

especially if you have OOTers they might have to choose one or the other. Make sure your invites go out first.

Soccer_Girl Posted: Aug 28, 2005 09:21 AM

.

N.Y.bride Posted: Aug 28, 2005 09:22 AM

Re: I feel so sad....

Also - send out a SAVE THE DATE NOW!

BRIDEMICHELE Posted: Aug 28, 2005 09:45 AM

Re: I feel so sad....

Posted by finallygotthering

Thanks, Ladies

I just spoke to my Brother, he said he did not mean to hurt my feelings, I told him that I don't mind that his FW don't want anything that I will be having, I also told him why did he pick a date before mine he said THAT IS WHAT SHE WANTED,

Ok that's what she wanted but you can't always get what you want. Do you think you could explain to your brother that choosing a date a month before yours is rude. His FW will look bad in front of your whole family. Tell him that the polite thing to do would be to push his wedding back. Maybe he isn't aware at how rude his FW is being.

prindia Posted: Aug 28, 2005 12:52 PM

Re: I feel so sad....

Wow sorry to hear that

finallygotthering Posted: Aug 28, 2005 12:57 PM

Re: I feel so sad....

Ladies I give up, I will just have to plan my own wedding, I am going to send the save the dates next week. Since mine will be after my brothers chances are people might not be able to come to mine . My parents will still pay for the reception because they feel that they prepared for their only daughter to get married for a long time. They said that they will give my brother money towards is honeymoon and that is it, (if they waited a year or at least six months they would pay half of the hall)

BKtoLI Posted: Aug 28, 2005 01:11 PM

Re: I feel so sad....

I wouldn't worry too much....since April is not that far off (and trust me, I know!!) they might fall in love with a hall and then find out the dates they want aren't even available!!

The longer they wait (and you wait as well!) the less opportunities there will be for the date and time they want!! I know we were not able to get a Saturday in April at all at our hall and we booked it 2 months ago!!

And like others have said, at least this way you can top their wedding!! They will now have to rush to plan theirs, where you have a little more time for details!

DrBeLLaRoSe Posted: Aug 28, 2005 01:17 PM

Re: I feel so sad....

i happen to agree with this. weddings are emotional, and it is hard not to feel this way. also, since it is a sibling who is getting married, you also want to be able to concentrate your attention on their wedding too, and share in their happiness, not just rush through it and be stressed!

but this will work out!
is there any way u can postpone your wedding? maybe to sept?

seta Posted: Aug 28, 2005 01:34 PM

Re: I feel so sad....

abs711 Posted: Aug 28, 2005 01:52 PM

Re: I feel so sad....

I feel so bad for you. That is so crummy. I would definately push yours back so that you give your family time to save up again. Also Do anything and everything you want and can afford don't let them ruin anything for your 'BIG' day! Good Luck!

lacey&mark Posted: Aug 28, 2005 02:38 PM

Re: I feel so sad....

i definitely would not change your date as suggested! you planned yours first and you've booked stuff already, so i would just leave it. just concentrate on your wedding day and making it your big special day. try not to think about theirs and definitely try not to compete. i know i have trouble with that myself. your family will know who planned it first and if anyone is forced to chose, hopefully they'll do the right hting and go to yours. send out save the dates (i regret not doing this, instead i emailed our wedding website with our date). good luck and try not to worry too much. i can definitely relate to you and i know how much it *****! ~lacey