I feel so shallow re: tanning

ratherbealeper Posted: Jul 09, 2007 07:10 PM

I feel so shallow re: tanning

I can't believe I am even posting this but hopefully someone will provide me with some advice/words of wisdom....

I plan on tanning before my wedding... I'm blonde, wearing white etc. Seems pretty natural to me... I'm half greek so i get fairly tan as well.

I've asked my fiance, in addition to one of our good friends/bm asking him, in the gentlest of ways if he would do a lil something for his skin as he is irish/scottish/english etc.

He is adament about NOT tanning in any capacity (spray on, tanning beds, beach anything) and thinks I am being ridiculous. I should also note that half the wedding party is Latina/Tans a lot (my brother being the latter) and will all be pretty bronzed up come the wedding....

So, my options are to drop it and run the risk of him looking either out of place in the photos or a bit sickly in comparison or???

Please be honest if I am off my rocker here, and if i'm not, at least some suggestions about how to broach the subject with a bit more success.

thank you a million times in advance!

Espo22 Posted: Jul 09, 2007 07:20 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

If you want to tan then go right ahead. I stayed out of the sun for a couple of years too but started going to the beach a little more now, still not much...Ive been going tanning recently and I have great color now.

Just go to a tanning salon near you, when you first go just do 7-10 mins at first until you get a little more used to it...any other questions they'll be able to help you out

Kara and Todd Posted: Jul 09, 2007 07:28 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

If he's got the complexion you describe, NOT tanning is exactly what he should be doing.

It's a personal decision - I don't think it's right to ask him to do it if he is adamant about not doing it. I'm pale and avoid tanning at all costs. I wear 45 from May - October. I have a history of skin cancer and I don't want to age prematurely.

It's HIS decision. I wouldn't pressure him to do something he doesn't want to do -- not to mention that with his complexion, he will either burn or not get very tan at all.

Trust me, he'll look FINE in the pictures - he'll look like himself and you love him that way. Don't try to make him do something he doesn't want to do b/c you think the pictures will look better. It's his wedding, too. He should feel comfortable and look his best - If that means not tanning, so be it.

Kara and Todd Posted: Jul 09, 2007 07:30 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

Posted by ratherbealeper

So, my options are to drop it and run the risk of him looking either out of place in the photos or a bit sickly in comparison or???

I have to ask... Take a step back, take a deep breath, and ask yourself: Is this argument really worth it?

People with a paler complexion do NOT look sickly in pictures unless they are, well, sick. he will look fine.

You have to pick your battles. Forcing him to do something he's not into (that isn't healthy for him to begin with) isn't worth it. There are a million things to worry about for your wedding - don't add this to the list.

Drop it. He'll look great in the pictures.

Espo22 Posted: Jul 09, 2007 07:55 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

OH WAIT!!!!! sorry i read the post quickly and thats what i get lol but i thought you were asking if you should go tanning

SOrry but if you want to tan then that is your decision, but you can't tell him what to do ESPECIALLY if he is so against it.

I don't know why you would think its gonna look funny bc hes gonna be lighter skinned than you. FH is darker than me, im a bit tanned now but im still lighter and during most of the year hes alot darker than me. Not every couple is the same color skin and that doesn't mean the pics won't come out right

This is his decision and his decision ONLY. I am sorry but i would get mad if someone INSISTED i tanned, i would feel like i am being criticized for how i look and like it's not good enough

HeatherRose Posted: Jul 09, 2007 08:04 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

I'd say just leave him alone, if he doesn't want to be tan, why should he be, I mean hes going to look his natural pale the rest of your life, and your gonna have these pics on your mantel that don't even look like himself.
We all love our FH for who they are on the inside not the outside right?

jtgarsik Posted: Jul 09, 2007 08:07 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

i dont think there's any need for him to go tanning. pale tones 90% of the time dont do any good tanning (especially in a tanning bed), and have WAY more of a risk of major damage if they do. My hubby's puerto rican and i'm ur typical american pale blonde and our photos are gorgous. let him be him! think of it this way, if he did get tan, u'd probably look back on ur album & laugh because it's so unnatural for him... i'd leave it alone - your photos will look beautiful!!!!!!!

FutureMrsRice Posted: Jul 09, 2007 08:27 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

Okay, throw me on the shallow boat!

My fiance is pale. If he is in the sun, he tans but our wedding is in January so he will still be pale. He was against spray tanning at first, but I made a big date out of it last week. I bought him dinner, we went and spray tanned and then went to a movie. (after I swore on a BIBLE that I wouldn't tell anyone)

While he was totally against it, he really likes the results and agreed to do it before the wedding. My arguement was just try it. If you hate it, you never have to do it again, but if you like it, there is nothing to lose.

I'm not sure what kind of incentive you might need to dangle in front of FH, but you might be able to convince him

Good luck!!

ratherbealeper Posted: Jul 09, 2007 08:27 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

thank you for reeling me in lol .. lo and behold about 15 minutes after posting this vent, we compromised and it should work itself out

stlmn2u Posted: Jul 09, 2007 08:34 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

My fiance is very fair skinned....He will not be tanning for the wedding.....When he goes in the sun he just gets red....

LitBallerinaGirl Posted: Jul 09, 2007 08:41 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

Im glad that you guys worked it out. DH is usually darker than I am, but I tanned before the wedding and DH didn't cause he is against it too. It was great because DH pride himself in being tan and I now get to remind him everyday that I was darker than he was for our pictures!

davenjess Posted: Jul 09, 2007 08:42 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

I have to say that he should not go tanning. It is NOT healthy in the slightest and may do more damage than good.

My brother is as pale as I am (Polish, Irish, German - they don't come paler - TRUST ME) and he tried the tanning thing before he left for his honeymoon and all he got was a base BURN and then he burned on top of that - which made his honeymoon more miserable!!!

I look at it this way - do you want to look back at pictures of your wedding day and be like, who is that person? That red/tan person - or do you want to look back and say - he looked so good - and like HIMSELF...

ratherbealeper Posted: Jul 09, 2007 09:06 PM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

thanks again for setting me right

PegaLega Posted: Jul 10, 2007 12:14 AM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

I dont think there is any reason for him to go tanning...regardless of how dark the rest of your BP and you and the groom will be.

drpepper318 Posted: Jul 10, 2007 01:59 AM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

If he doesn't want to go tanning, I don't think you should force him to. If he ends up not liking it, he'll be unhappy with how he looks and that would be even worse. I bet the pictures will look great either way.

irishsweetheart Posted: Jul 10, 2007 07:27 AM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

I'm a SUPER pale white Irish Girl. The only color I have ever gotten was red and then I turn white again. I seriously considered going spray tanning but when I mentioned this to FH he was not happy at all. He told me to do what I want but in his opinion the girl that he first met and has loved for 6 years and plans to marry has NEVER been seen with a tan and so he asked why would I want to look like someone else the day of my wedding? Everyone knows I don't tan so why do it then?

I completely saw his point. If someone doesn't tan, never has had a tan then why would you want them to tan the day of their wedding and look like a different person?

I say leave it be, he'll look more natural.

curiousgeorge Posted: Jul 10, 2007 10:05 AM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

Oh man!!! It sounds like he has my complexion!! Im pale and I look like that ALL year around, even if i DO tan. I wouldnt make him go tanning, first because it runs HIGH potential risk of getting skin cancer, especially if hes pale. Second because it sounds like hes really not into it, and later on in life, your going to be sitting down laughing at it. Its really NOT the important thing at ALL, and ive never went to a wedding and said, ' Wow that guy needs a tan' lol

rkl1130 Posted: Jul 10, 2007 10:15 AM

Re: I feel so shallow re: tanning

Your FH sounds like he has the same complexion as my FH! If that's the case, then I suggest he NOT tan. It's not good for the skin.

It's not really worth fighting over, and he'll look fine in pictures.