I felt as if I had no choice.
I ended up writing an email. I talked to FMIL this morning, and she insisted and bite the bullet and apologize to keep peace, and agreed my parents were over stepping boundaries.
But I couldn't do it. The entire day I moped.
Finally, around 6pm, I sat and wrote my parents an email.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Where do I even begin?
I can't bring myself to call because I'm so emotionally torn up. I am not sorry I hung up on you, Mom, for a few reasons. 1.) My boss was walking down the hall and was in a mood and I didn't want to give him any inkling I was on personal call, and 2.), a few choice words were on the tip of my tongue that I KNOW you hate to hear from me and I knew we were going to get no where.
I didn't want to call at least until I was home, talked to Derek and calmed down. I went out to the grocery store to get something for dinner. I come back to the car to find a Voicemail from dad, and a text from Derek saying dad called him and reemed him out. I call dad back, he didn't pick up, I left a voicemail. First of all Dad, please, please, apologize to Derek? He had no clue what was going on. His name is not Joe, or Rieley, and he's not some punk kid that would have given you a hard time. (For all you LIWers reading, those are the names of my sister's ex boyfriend who have actually spoken back to my father in the past). Then, because obviously, Dad, you couldn't understand that my message was that I will call the next day when I slept on it and relaxed, I decided to call grandma.
I then find out, mom, you called grandma and told her my wedding is canceled, on top of getting reemed out by her about my shower not being a jack and jill (which I don't know who told anyone I was upset by that, of course I wasn't, I ask if something could be done like that, it can't, and I am COMPLETELY content with it, so the whole shower thing being brought up was out of the blue for me). First of all, a wedding shouldn't be canceled because 2 sisters are fighting, usually that happens if the couple to be married is fighting. Second, I believe since Derek and I have paid for most of it so far, we have say in that. You say I fly off the handle, what you did Mom was 10 times worse, and that is the reason I cannot say I am sorry for hanging up on you. That hurt me more than you know.
Obviously, Rebecca is not kicked out of the bridal party. I have my period, on top of all this, and I am very hurt by her too. I cannot talk to her without her coming up with an excuse and a lie (I know, so familiar but lets drop my past please and deal with the present?). I gave her several options on what she wants to do without trying very hard not to step on her toes....I thought my wedding would take her mind off the bull she's been going through. It doesn't seem to phase her. I understand she is trying to pick up her life. So, why can't she pass the planning to someone else? Things are time sensitive at this point. I don't know what she was afraid of. I never told her I wanted my bridal party all there; I said she can let me do a friends thing, and if it was easier time wise, I'll do something with her, Kelli, and Andrea on the side, but PLEASE make up your mind and return calls and messages. She says she doesn't use facebook anymore, use her phone, but she doesn't use that either. I had no other way of grabbing her attention.
I am also upset, that everyone thinks I'm blowing this way out of proportion and being a 'bridezilla'. Whoever came up with that word should be shot, it's completely stupid. I don't feel I did anything wrong other than express my feelings. I hate it when one minute, you're calling me to complain about Rebecca, and when I call to complain, you defend her. Which is it? For years I've been dealing with it, and Dad, I know you told Grandma you feel that you were never around much for me and you feel like you need to make it up through Rebecca. No, that's not how it works. That actually hurts worse. Of all the things I've done and gone through I have apologized and done everything possible to make up for things, and I felt as though I took a huge hit and grew up. I mean, don't you both think that at least this time I' m with someone who respects and loves me, and respects you guys, and that I am not the crazy different-hair-color every 5 week mess that I was?
And last thing, please tell me now if you are struggling financially. Derek and I can manage on our own for now, we both have good credit and can take a loan out (wouldn't be much) and just use towards the wedding. We would not be upset! I've done everything in my power to research cheap options for this wedding, keeping things traditional and elegant at the same time, without burning holes in everyone's pockets. I feel like I'm in the middle of everyone's fighting and I really cannot handle the added stress, and you both know I have certain health issues that arise when stress is involved. And please don't tell me that's over the top. Seriously, my back aches me more and my anxiety goes through the roof.
I have other non-wedding-related issues going on. I want to leave my job, but I can't, not until after the wedding, the place is a joke and Steve's going to retire anyway and I can't wait for that to happen, and besides I'm itching for a change in career because I'm not enjoying it anymore like I was. I want out of this apartment because this place kinda sucks, and Derek and I feel its more feasable to move off the island. I have a lot on my plate, and I am trying really hard to not to think about anything else but getting through November, than taking things one problem at a time. I just wish the fighting, the yelling, the over irrational sayings and things would come to an end already. Rebecca is not kicked out. I just want my apology from her and to move on, and no more lying to me about the little things. And I'd like the 2 of you next time to please stop calling other family members and telling everyone about mine and Rebecca's business. Grandma's called me 3 times today and it's a little over bearing. Love her to death, but I wish she'd keep certain things to herself. I know she cares and everything and wants to help, but really, this is just some stupid fight me and Rebecca got into and it didn't have to escalate the way it did.
Love you both.
But I couldn't do it. The entire day I moped.
Finally, around 6pm, I sat and wrote my parents an email.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Where do I even begin?
I can't bring myself to call because I'm so emotionally torn up. I am not sorry I hung up on you, Mom, for a few reasons. 1.) My boss was walking down the hall and was in a mood and I didn't want to give him any inkling I was on personal call, and 2.), a few choice words were on the tip of my tongue that I KNOW you hate to hear from me and I knew we were going to get no where.
I didn't want to call at least until I was home, talked to Derek and calmed down. I went out to the grocery store to get something for dinner. I come back to the car to find a Voicemail from dad, and a text from Derek saying dad called him and reemed him out. I call dad back, he didn't pick up, I left a voicemail. First of all Dad, please, please, apologize to Derek? He had no clue what was going on. His name is not Joe, or Rieley, and he's not some punk kid that would have given you a hard time. (For all you LIWers reading, those are the names of my sister's ex boyfriend who have actually spoken back to my father in the past). Then, because obviously, Dad, you couldn't understand that my message was that I will call the next day when I slept on it and relaxed, I decided to call grandma.
I then find out, mom, you called grandma and told her my wedding is canceled, on top of getting reemed out by her about my shower not being a jack and jill (which I don't know who told anyone I was upset by that, of course I wasn't, I ask if something could be done like that, it can't, and I am COMPLETELY content with it, so the whole shower thing being brought up was out of the blue for me). First of all, a wedding shouldn't be canceled because 2 sisters are fighting, usually that happens if the couple to be married is fighting. Second, I believe since Derek and I have paid for most of it so far, we have say in that. You say I fly off the handle, what you did Mom was 10 times worse, and that is the reason I cannot say I am sorry for hanging up on you. That hurt me more than you know.
Obviously, Rebecca is not kicked out of the bridal party. I have my period, on top of all this, and I am very hurt by her too. I cannot talk to her without her coming up with an excuse and a lie (I know, so familiar but lets drop my past please and deal with the present?). I gave her several options on what she wants to do without trying very hard not to step on her toes....I thought my wedding would take her mind off the bull she's been going through. It doesn't seem to phase her. I understand she is trying to pick up her life. So, why can't she pass the planning to someone else? Things are time sensitive at this point. I don't know what she was afraid of. I never told her I wanted my bridal party all there; I said she can let me do a friends thing, and if it was easier time wise, I'll do something with her, Kelli, and Andrea on the side, but PLEASE make up your mind and return calls and messages. She says she doesn't use facebook anymore, use her phone, but she doesn't use that either. I had no other way of grabbing her attention.
I am also upset, that everyone thinks I'm blowing this way out of proportion and being a 'bridezilla'. Whoever came up with that word should be shot, it's completely stupid. I don't feel I did anything wrong other than express my feelings. I hate it when one minute, you're calling me to complain about Rebecca, and when I call to complain, you defend her. Which is it? For years I've been dealing with it, and Dad, I know you told Grandma you feel that you were never around much for me and you feel like you need to make it up through Rebecca. No, that's not how it works. That actually hurts worse. Of all the things I've done and gone through I have apologized and done everything possible to make up for things, and I felt as though I took a huge hit and grew up. I mean, don't you both think that at least this time I' m with someone who respects and loves me, and respects you guys, and that I am not the crazy different-hair-color every 5 week mess that I was?
And last thing, please tell me now if you are struggling financially. Derek and I can manage on our own for now, we both have good credit and can take a loan out (wouldn't be much) and just use towards the wedding. We would not be upset! I've done everything in my power to research cheap options for this wedding, keeping things traditional and elegant at the same time, without burning holes in everyone's pockets. I feel like I'm in the middle of everyone's fighting and I really cannot handle the added stress, and you both know I have certain health issues that arise when stress is involved. And please don't tell me that's over the top. Seriously, my back aches me more and my anxiety goes through the roof.
I have other non-wedding-related issues going on. I want to leave my job, but I can't, not until after the wedding, the place is a joke and Steve's going to retire anyway and I can't wait for that to happen, and besides I'm itching for a change in career because I'm not enjoying it anymore like I was. I want out of this apartment because this place kinda sucks, and Derek and I feel its more feasable to move off the island. I have a lot on my plate, and I am trying really hard to not to think about anything else but getting through November, than taking things one problem at a time. I just wish the fighting, the yelling, the over irrational sayings and things would come to an end already. Rebecca is not kicked out. I just want my apology from her and to move on, and no more lying to me about the little things. And I'd like the 2 of you next time to please stop calling other family members and telling everyone about mine and Rebecca's business. Grandma's called me 3 times today and it's a little over bearing. Love her to death, but I wish she'd keep certain things to herself. I know she cares and everything and wants to help, but really, this is just some stupid fight me and Rebecca got into and it didn't have to escalate the way it did.
Love you both.
