The other day, while at FIL's house, FSIL was trying to make a list of who would be at her table at the wedding. She listed all of her young single cousins with 'guests or dates'. I quickly nipped that in the bud by saying 'IF we invite people with guests'.
It is acceptable to invite people with guests if they are living with, engaged to or dating someone for a significant amount of time. I explained the etiquette to FSIL and chose my words carefully. This wedding cannot be a free-for-all. My family is making the wedding. (I assure you I did NOT say that). Of course FH's sisters should be invited with guests - they are his sisters.
This was right in front of FMIL who did not say much but nodded her head. She had made a preliminary list of people so we had an idea when we book a place to make sure the room could hold our amount of guests - big or small. I think she said nothing appearances sake but will give FH grief for it later.
Should I have said anything? What do you guys think?
Aphrodite07
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
are you supposed to let everyone who is single bring a date what is the proper etiquette?
JessicaM.
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
In my opinion, OF COURSE you were in the right. you were simply taking control of YOUR wedding (and your parents finances!!!) there is nothing wrong with it, and if people feel slighted too bad.
JanuaryBride06
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
I think you had every right to say something.
ChrissynRicky
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
Posted by Goldi1021
The other day, while at FIL's house, FSIL was trying to make a list of who would be at her table at the wedding. She listed all of her young single cousins with 'guests or dates'. I quickly nipped that in the bud by saying 'IF we invite people with guests'.
It is acceptable to invite people with guests if they are living with, engaged to or dating someone for a significant amount of time. I explained the etiquette to FSIL and chose my words carefully. This wedding cannot be a free-for-all. My family is making the wedding. (I assure you I did NOT say that). Of course FH's sisters should be invited with guests - they are his sisters.
This was right in front of FMIL who did not say much but nodded her head. She had made a preliminary list of people so we had an idea when we book a place to make sure the room could hold our amount of guests - big or small. I think she said nothing appearances sake but will give FH grief for it later.
Should I have said anything? What do you guys think?
You did the right thing, and I'm so glad you didn't go haywire, like I would have.
06NovBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
I think you did it right to say it nice and calm and matter of fact. It is your wedding and you are making the decisions...you were just letting them know that.
Shorty McBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
I agree with you 100% Leslie, but I wouldn't have had the balls to say something.
iffer042373
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
I think you did the right thing by opening your mouth I would of done it as well. I am doing the same thing if you are living with...engaged to.... or dating someone for a long time then your invited with a guest otherwise nope I don't think so
cindyandkevin
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
Of course you have the right to say something!! It's your wedding!!! Who is she to go and figure out who's gonna be at her table, you never know how that's gonna work out anyway. Ideally you'd invite everyone with guests but due to the reality of limited finances you're forced to cut back. She's got no say of who you invite or who sits with her!!
psf80
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
You did the right thing. You would have had to say something eventually about the date or not date situation and it's better sooner than later in my opinion.
sarahbelle
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
Good job. I totally agree with you. Not everyone gets to bring a guest.
CKJ906
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
I know its proper to invite everyone with a guest, but what if you know they aren't seeing someone? Why should they just ask anyone to come with them and we have to pay for it? I invited my friend to my eparty with a guest for the proper thing to do and now she is bringing someone I dont even know just to bring someone meanwhile she knows everyone at the party. Wrong or not for the wedding invitations i'm not inviting people that don't have bf/gfs that I know w/ a guest is that wrong???
beautyq115
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
I know alot of people don't invite you with a guest if you are not seriously dating or engaged...weddings are really EXPENSIVE...and I didn't understand that until I started planning AND PAYING FOR MINE Why should you invite someone with a guest just so they can bring someone??? Unless you are fortunate to have room and money to spare
Leslie...totally agree with you
buggiegirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
You were totally right- we are definitely NOT inviting everyone with a date. I feel like I have said this a million times lately, but you have to draw the line SOMEWHERE!!!
People definitely don't realize how much this all costs
lisad117
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
I agree with you 100% and you were definitely right to say something. People make assumptions about a wedding but they shouldn't. I'm only inviting with a guest if they have been dating for a long time. Luckily, I know that my close friends who are still single wouldn't want to bring anyone but I'm not sure about FH's family and I'm still not inviting them with a guest. This wedding is costing a fortune as it is.
Goldi1021
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
Thanks ladies! I feel that in order to be able to afford the type of wedding I'd like, with a formal feeling, I would have to keep the guest list to a minimum. I would rather have a better band and better photographer than have extra people there so someone's third cousin three times removed on her father's side can bring a date!
The truth is, the wedding will not be small by any means - inviting 235-250 and HOPING that we get only 200 to come. We are going to be paying extra for some things that we like and leaving other things out. In a perfect wedding world, I could have everyone I know to come and come with a guest. But my parents are elderly and their income is somewhat limited. My father, as many of you know is critically/terminally ill and my mother needs something to live on after this wedding hullabaloo (ridiculous word choice - but mine nonetheless) is over.
As for informing single people of etiquette, no, it isn't necessary to tell people the right thing to do. I (sort of) felt like if FSIL had the (I hate to say) NERVE to start making tables, that I was well within my rights to tell her 'Nope sorry!' I told FH that we couldn't possibly call of our single friends and ask them for their dating habits. If after the invites go out, we get a call that says 'Hey I am engaged' or 'Hey I moved in with my girlfriend,' then of course the invitation is extended to a guest.
hmpena
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
I think you did the right thing Leslie. It's your wedding. It's better you inform people now of how you want it rather than people assuming things and causing a scene down the line.
I am doing the same thing as you are in terms of 'and guest.'
amazon_gracie
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
We're not going to give our single friends the option. We're only extending the 'guest' option to those that are engaged or seriously dating.
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: I had to say it...
Posted by CKJ906
I know its proper to invite everyone with a guest, but what if you know they aren't seeing someone? Why should they just ask anyone to come with them and we have to pay for it? I invited my friend to my eparty with a guest for the proper thing to do and now she is bringing someone I dont even know just to bring someone meanwhile she knows everyone at the party. Wrong or not for the wedding invitations i'm not inviting people that don't have bf/gfs that I know w/ a guest is that wrong???
The etiquette, accordng to emily post and all of those cool people ...is that you only have to invite someone with a guest if they are engaged or living together.
You should also imo invite anyone who is ina serious relationship...I don't know where you'd draw the line, but 6 mos or a year or more, should bring a date. you don't have to invit e every single person with a date, nor should you invite anyone just b/c they have a bf or gf. If there isn't a good chance you'll be dancing at the wedding for the two of them, you don't need to invite the bf or gf. I think that's a good guideline
It's really NICE if you CAn invite everyone with a guest, but for some people that's just not possibke, and keep in mind that this may compel some people who don;t have bf's or gf s oto just go out and FIND a date specifically for the wedding, just to bring someone, so you'll be paying for someone who is just there by defauly, and chances are if they're not a couple, they may not be giving a gift as a cpuple, so your gal pal might only give a gift as if she's going alone. She might not want to fork over another $100 bucks or so just b/c she brought a date. I know it sounds crass, but it's something to think about.
