I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

prncssrachel Posted: Dec 27, 2004 08:41 PM

I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

Ok, so I am my sister's MOH and her shower will be coming up in the next couple of months. She only has me, my 17 yr. old cousin and one other girl in her bridal party, then one jr. BM and three flower girls. There are 90 people on the list for the shower, and I cannot afford to pay for it all with my own wedding coming up. My mom is ordering and paying for the invitations and my aunt (my cousin's mom) gave me money for the shower. Now, do I ask the other BM for money? She's getting married the month after my sister and I don't want to be sticking my hand out for money, but I don't really have enough for this shower. My aunt gave me 1500 dollars to put towards it, which is A LOT, but her shower is probably going to cost around 3500-4000, and I do not have the rest to pay. And is it wrong of me to ask the mother's of the flower girls and the jr bm to contribute? They are her FSILs. I am so confused about all of this. SO any help would be appreciated!

julz33 Posted: Dec 27, 2004 08:44 PM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

Something similar happened with my sisters shower... my mom & her FH's mom paid for most of it (they are awesome) and since I was the MOH everything else was up to me. I found it was easier to ask people for things rather than money... like I asked her FH's cousins if they could be in charge of the centerpieces.

prncssrachel Posted: Dec 27, 2004 08:49 PM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

Posted by julz33

Something similar happened with my sisters shower... my mom & her FH's mom paid for most of it (they are awesome) and since I was the MOH everything else was up to me. I found it was easier to ask people for things rather than money... like I asked her FH's cousins if they could be in charge of the centerpieces.

That's a good idea. I was thinking of asking this other BM to be in charge of getting the favors, since I already bought the centerpieces. I am just concerned because the price of the party alone will cost and arm and a leg. I KNOW my mother will foot the rest of the bill if I come up short, but I DO NOT WANT HER TO. They are paying SOOOO much between my wedding and my sister's and I do not think her and my father should incur another cost. I was not expecting my sister to have a list of NINETY people, 50, 60 maybe, but 90 is killing me! AND we got a GREAT deal on the restaurant and the price per head, but still it's a lot of money.

suven Posted: Dec 27, 2004 08:53 PM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

well, I am sure that not all 90 will attend...

And, I agree with Julz's idea of asking for 'things' instead of cash!

julz33 Posted: Dec 27, 2004 09:11 PM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

The centerpieces was just an example. You can ask one FG mom to get a cake (if the restaurant doesn't provide one), one mom can buy the invitation, someone else can do favors, someone else in charge of wishing well.. then there are less things for you to spend money on.
For my sisters shower we invited like 100 and only 75 came so might not have to pay for as many people as you think!

nferrandi Posted: Dec 27, 2004 09:13 PM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

What if you went to the other BM and explained that you know she has her own wedding coming up, but anything she could contribute to the shower would be appreciated. Let her make the decision of how much she can reasonable afford to pitch in. I would do the same with the FSIL. If I were you, I would rather do favors myself and have a financial contribution from others. You could always do something simple, and inexpensive, like chocolates or cookies you bake yourself. The favors for my shower were inexpensive too. We went to the dollar store and bought these little bath bags with a loufa and nail brush and we added soap and bath beeds to the bag. They came to about $1.50 per favor and we made lables that said 'From Nicole's shower to yours' everyone loved them and they didn't break the bank. You'd be surprised at the good stuff you can find in the dollar store. Good luck!

prncssrachel Posted: Dec 27, 2004 09:15 PM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

Yeah, I guess I need to sit and make a list of all the things we'll need then start making phone calls. I know not all 90 will come, it's just a lot of money with everyone else getting married in the same time frame. So much to do!

prncssrachel Posted: Dec 27, 2004 09:17 PM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

Posted by nferrandi

What if you went to the other BM and explained that you know she has her own wedding coming up, but anything she could contribute to the shower would be appreciated. Let her make the decision of how much she can reasonable afford to pitch in. I would do the same with the FSIL. If I were you, I would rather do favors myself and have a financial contribution from others. You could always do something simple, and inexpensive, like chocolates or cookies you bake yourself. The favors for my shower were inexpensive too. We went to the dollar store and bought these little bath bags with a loufa and nail brush and we added soap and bath beeds to the bag. They came to about $1.50 per favor and we made lables that said 'From Nicole's shower to yours' everyone loved them and they didn't break the bank. You'd be surprised at the good stuff you can find in the dollar store. Good luck!

This is a good idea, as well, and PROBABLY what I am going to do because I already have my own ideas for the favors and other things and my mom wants to pay for the invitations. Those things really do not cost much in comparison to the few thousand dollars we need. I mean, I would cover the whole cost if my own wedding wasn't three months later. I hope I don't sound like I'm being cheap! And I feel bad asking others for money, but I just can't swing it.

nferrandi Posted: Dec 27, 2004 09:20 PM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

I don't think you're wrong to ask BM to contribute, that's part of being a BM. And you are by no means being cheap. That's a lot of money for you to come up with on your own, and I don't think there's anything wrong with asking people to contribute $$.

FoxHollowbride0617 Posted: Dec 27, 2004 10:18 PM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

Is there anyway to cut costs on the shower? I had a similar problem with my sisters shower. I was MOH as was my other sister. My other sister was expecting a baby and I did not feel comfortable asking her to split the shower with me. I also did not feel comfortable asking her BM's either. I decided to have a nice at home shower that was catered (FH's uncle was the caterer and got us a great deal) and it cost me about 1k to do myself. It came out great and was very nice and perfect for my sis. If you need to then ask the rest of the bridal party for help but personally I did not feel comfortable and I hope my sisters do not ask my friends either. JMO

PerfectPair05 Posted: Dec 28, 2004 12:10 AM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

I think it is a better idea to ask them to do something rather than ask for $. Favors are good... even making those chocolate lolipops... they can do something to help.

btrflygrl Posted: Dec 28, 2004 09:00 AM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

I would be talking to the wedding party as well as her family...FMIL, etc....anyone that wants to be involved.

90 guests for a shower....

I had mine at a Pub in Port Jefferson in their back room and it was perfect.....I wanted it in someones' home though

eogara Posted: Dec 28, 2004 10:30 AM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

I don't think that you need to feel weird about asking the other BM to contribute to the shower. Someone else said it already but that's part of being a BM. She knew that your sister was getting married a month before her and she still accepted the invitation to be part of the wedding party so I'm pretty sure that she knows that this is all part of the deal.

Jen2999 Posted: Dec 28, 2004 10:44 AM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

I agree with the others.. ask her future in laws and other BM to contribute a specific thing

tourist Posted: Dec 28, 2004 11:05 AM

Re: I have a money question regarding a shower I am planning....

I'd ask the friend. I would have conributed to my friend's shower when I was her bm, but her family planned it all & just asked me to get our friends to rsvp.

Just say, you want throw a shower for your sister, & wanted to know if she want to co-host it with you you, or if she would prefer to just take care of the favors or invitations or something or if she is busy & strapped for cash from her own wedding & can't help at all, you'll understand.

I just had a MOH & 1 16 year old bm. the 16 year old's mom helped, as did my other aunt/godmother & my aunt who was was moh's mom, in addition to my mom & my moh.

I think they all told my mom they wanted to help. She didn't ask them to.