Girls, I am so sorry for only coming on LIW lately when I have a problem. I've been so busy with the wedding, and haven't had time for fun chat. Please, I really need your help.
As some of you may know, one of my BMs is battling anorexia right now. I believe it is depression related, as she sleeps for 12 hours and cannot even take care of her daily routines. Well, this weekend we had her dress fitting and my bachelorette party. Even though she ate some pizza before hand like the rest of us, she got so very sick from drinking. I should have watched her more closely, but I saw she was having a good time and did not think she was in trouble. Well, from around 11pm until 11 am she was vomiting every hour, and couldn't keep anything down. I finally was able to convince her to take car service with me back to my FILs house and she is staying here currently. She was on the couch all day sleeping and then just went to bed for the night at 8pm. We were feeding her toast and jello but then she went to sleep and now she is in deep sleep. I had to take care of her all day today and I cannot do this on my wedding day. Sometimes she gets so sick from car rides or just nerves, I don't know what to do. My FMIL thinks if she is at the wedding she could cause a problem and none of us can take care of her then. She may be too weak to come. Should I let her make the decision as to whether she can come, or should FH and I tell her we think she should not come? She knows she is depressed, but has not really done much about it. She should probably be in the hospital. I don't want to hurt her by kicking her out of the BP, but I don't know what else to do. It is MY wedding day and I really can't be babysitting her. What do I do?
beautyq115
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Re: I have a VERY big problem, please help me. LONG
Wow...that is a hard decision I honestly do not know what to say....
Maybe give her the decision whether or not to come....it may be too harsh to ask her straight out not to come...BUT I completely understand why you would not want her to and I can see where a problem would occur
glinda_goodwitch
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Thanks for the response I'm just totally at a loss of what to do.
roxyspark
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Wow, that is a tough situation. Can you tell her that she needs to go to a doctor/psychiatrist ASAP, if they don't put her in the hospital then and say she is ok then she can come to your wedding. If she chooses not seek professional help, then you would prefer that she didn't come, because you can't take care of her. I know this sounds mean, but if she is really sick, she needs some tough love. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Jen2999
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Is she open to getting help?
I think it is very important that she sees a doctor as soon as possible.
Go to hr as a concerned friend, tell her you are worried abut her and you want her to spend your wedding day with you, and not be sick and miss it.
KandR419
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I agree with the above posts....she needs to seek help asap. While I know it would be tough to sit her down and tell her this, it has to be done. Just let her know that you care and cannot watch her to this to herself anymore. I hope she'll be able to get herself some help.
October Bliss
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Beth this is a very tough situation. I would call an eating disorder hotline and ask a professional's advice on how to handle this particular situation. I think the situation is beyond friendly advice from us. Good luck!!!
autumn
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Posted by Jen2999
Is she open to getting help?
I think it is very important that she sees a doctor as soon as possible.
Go to hr as a concerned friend, tell her you are worried abut her and you want her to spend your wedding day with you, and not be sick and miss it.
agreed
hbradio
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I too would seek professional assistance. This is a very tough situation. You dont want to say the wrong thing and lose her as a friend. Something also tells me you might be a little sad if shes not at your wedding at all. Good luck.
weddingbunny
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Personally, I don't think telling her she can't come to your wedding is a good idea. If she's dealing with depression, it's just going to make her feel that much worse, and who knows what the repercussions of that might be.
She clearly needs professional help, which you can't provide, but telling her not to come to the wedding is not the answer. I agree that the best thing you can do is call an eating disorder hotline and get some more professional advice.
And if a similar situation happens and she gets that sick, take her to the hospital. Maybe once she's in there, they'll keep her there and get her some help.
glinda_goodwitch
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Honestly, I know that she NEEDS professional help, and I am going to tell her that. But, I can't force her to do anything if she doesnt' want to. The issue still stands that IF she won't get help, what do I do about her coming to the wedding? There is no doubt she needs help, but I am asking about this one wedding-related problem. The other stuff, I can tell her over and over, but I have no control over it. In the end it is her decision.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but she is an adult and I can't make her do anything, regardless of how scared I am for her.
klingklang77
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dont tell her that she shouldnt be in the BP as that will just be another blow to her self esteem.
DO talk to her as a friend, dont mention the wedding and tell her how concerned you are about her health. it is really hard to talk to a depressed person, but do have a few options already set up for her (maybe a hotline she can call or a therapist session). do you know her family? if so talk to them, and maybe have an intervention (wrong word, but you know what i mean).
Noonie
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I can understand you & FH not wanting to have to babysit her, but I think on your wedding day, you're going to be so preoccupied with everything else that even if she did need someone to help her, you'd probably just let someone else handle it. Not that you don't care, it's just that on your wedding day, nothing else matters execpt for you & your new hubby.
As far as whether or not you should tell her to come....................I don't know. I think if she's in a deep depression, telling her she can't go could make her feel even worse. It's a tough situation. Good luck!
rockysbride
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tell her that you are afraid for her health then give her the choice. tell her that you will understand if she does not come. maybe she feels like it is her duty but knows she shouldnt be there either.
ahall04
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I definintely agree with everyone who thinks she should get some help.
At the same time I totally understand that she will not get help unless she is absolutely ready to get it. If she does come to your wedding, is she going to have an 'and guest'? My thinking is that whoever she attends the wedding with could keep their eye on her since you will have so much else to do. Just a thought.
LoveBug1124
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Awwww, i'm sorry you are having this issue, your wedding should be a joyful day not full of worry. Sit down with her and let her know you are concerned she will not be able to make it through the night. Let her know that it means alot to you to have her in your bridal party, but her health comes first. You can't ruin your special day because you are babysitting her. If she says she is up to the task, ask her not to drink.
mskittynj
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What about talking to her parents??? Are they invited to your wedding? I don't think I would kick her out of your BP, she is your friend and you should stand by her in this difficult time. I know you can't take care of her if she gets sick but you can try and prevent her from driking at the wedding. Tell the bartenders not to serve her? Ask people to keep an eye out for her.... I don't know its a tough situation but that's what friends are for right? In good times and bad times..(look at me I sound like that freaking song..lol) You know what I mea though right? :) XOXOXOXO Kitty
bluesashbride
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I think you have an obligation to follow through with your offer to have her be a BM and have her in your wedding party. If her behavior was directed at you (like hateful comments, not paying for things, etc) then it might be different but it doesn't sound like this is the case so IMO you need to try and help her but also accept that she's in your wedding party, for better or worse.
CLMon7906
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TALK to her and ENCOURAGE her to seek some sort of help...even if just for the depression...the eating disorder might come up in that. tell her you are worried about her health....but i agree with everyone else....do NOT suggest at all that she drop out or not come...now, if a therapist does, well, that is different and she will take it differently.
lipglossjunky73
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personally, i would tell her that she seems to need to get herself together, and i dont feel she is up to being in the BP - maybe that will motivate her to get her act together....
