I have a bm from out of state who is my friend for a long time and she still wants to be in my wedding party which is fine but she is the type of person who you have to do everything for and can't do much for herself. Sometimes I almost feel like she is a child. She moved about 2 years ago and got into a lot of trouble with partying and when she came here for my e party she was really bad into stuff and out of it the whole time. She stressed me out big time. She came here with no money and really strung out. I had to babysitt her the whole time and could not get my hair and makeup done before the party bc of her. After she left she went to rehab and just got out in Jan. Now she is giving me a hard time with the bm dresses telling me she is going to order it and everyday she doesnt. she wants me to find places in where she can get it from in florida. i am just really scared of what she is goin gto pull when she comes to my wedding. I feel really bad about this bc we were such good friends but i am having doubts abotu her. what would you do?
mariaobride
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
honestly by the way it sounds I wouldnt have her in the b-party- although I feel for her, she clearly has a problem that no one else can fix except for herself and you sound stressed just bringing up the topic- as much as it may hurt you for telling her you do not want her in the BP it may be the best thing for the both of you- HTH
LT
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
Well after she came out of rehab she told me that she doesnt have the money to be in the bp and i told her that i am not mad at her at all. I told her she should work on herself before worrying abotu my wedding. Then a few weeks later she found a job and decided she wanted to be back in. i told her it would be fine just as long as she ordered the dress from the store over here with in the week. i spoke to the dress store i am dealing with and more than happy to order the dress with them and they would mail it to her this way she doesnt have to go looking for it by her. But everyday its another excuse as to why she can't. Telling me she doesn't have a cc and has to borrow her moms but she just needs the # not the card, ya now. she tells me she doesnt know her measurements, she thought the dresses came in small, medium or large..lol i just have to laugh at it a little.
dangell427
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
well talking from someone with MOH dificulties a few weeks back.....you need to decided if YOU want her in your day. Is it important for you to have her there? if so do your best to find a store near her. If you can`t trust her to order the dress have her send you a check and place the order yourself. But you need to decide if all that work is worth it to you. See i was chasing my MOH all around and she wasn`t doing things that were needed from her. (even my mom was annoyed) so i asked her to be just a guest. it was hard and now we arent speaking but i still think it was for the best so you have some soul searching to do. GOOD LUCK
TGs Lady 22908
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
I had a similar problem with a BM. She's no longer part of my day and we no longer speak.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
RadiantBride
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
Wow I am sorry to hear that. I had a situation similar (due to health issues) and she ended up pulling out of the wedding which worked out for both.
LT
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
Posted by TGs Lady 22908
I had a similar problem with a BM. She's no longer part of my day and we no longer speak.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
what happend to your other message?
LT
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
how do i tell her that it's just no good for the both of us if she is in the wedidng party. i really don't want her to stay iwth me before the wedding, i will have a lot to do and cannot deal with extra stress.
RadiantBride
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
....
LT
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
Posted by RadiantBride
Ps- And her daughter ws the flower girl and she pulled her out the wedding a month and a half before, now she's not even coming as a guest!
Let me know when you read this so I can delete. Just in case any lurkers
OMG, im sorry to hear that.
Princess Cut Bride
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
Wow....sounds like she is a handful! I have an OOT bm as well. We have been friends for over 20 yrs. She lives in Arizona and what we did with her dress was...she went to a dry cleaners where they do alterations and got her measurements taken. My salon faxed over a form for her to fill out and she sent back the form and a check with the deposit. Do you think she can send a check since she doesn't have a cc. Or maybe even a money order. I would have her order from your place just so you know she is getting it done. Tell her that the order will not be put through for your other girls until her order is complete. Hope things work out!
queenbean
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
hmm, I had a sort of similar situation w/ a BM. If you still want to include her in your bridal party maybe u can have an honest chat with her about your concerns. If you think it's better if she is not in the bridal party, I think you should speak to her about not being in it but really make it seem like you are doing it for her benefit. Say things like, you think it will be much less stressful for HER if she comes as a guest. The cost will be much lower for HER if she just gets a regular dress and come as a guest. You think SHE would enjoy have a better time not having the responsibilities.... etc. And then I would in some way honor her at the reception by allowing her to sit at the table with the bridal party... or there may be another way you would like to honor her at the reception just so she feels included since she was originally a part of the bridal party.
Good luck, I hope it turns out ok for both of you!
kaytoy
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
I think you are better off without her being in the wedding, still be her friend and help her as much as you can, but this is your special day, no do overs, you should be as less stress as possible.good luck!
MayWeddingGrl
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
Sorry to hear about this, but if she's giving you all these excuses, maybe the best thing for you is to tell her in a nice way that she's no longer a BM. You can focus on her getting better and not having the stress of worrying about your wedding. Also emphasize that you would love to have her to attend your wedding and still play a special role in your day on that day. You can have her be responsible for another aspect like being an usherette or in charge of something else.
You shouldn't have to babysit her right before your wedding and add this extra stress in your life.
angl2001
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
id tell her you need your BMs to be involved and do things when you need them done!! i had to do that with some of my BMs and i told them if they didnt so it my way they were out of the BP.....everything has been great since then!
I understand she is a long time friend but it seems you care more than she does.....tell her how you feel....maybe she will cahnge? good luck!
MrsK2008
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
I think it's awesome that after all she put you through as a friend you still considered her responsible enough to be a good attendant.
Sounds to me like you should have anticipated paying her way all along, and doing everything for her.
If you don't want to do that than cut her loose, it will save you stress!
lovebear7800
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
i have a problem with one of my bm;s she never returns any of my calls i got in touch with her a couple of days ago about my bachelorette party she told me she would let me know her answer on monday. well monday came and went she never called i left her a voicemail and never heard from her. i think i'm going to drop her.
roan126
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
Posted by dangell427
well talking from someone with MOH dificulties a few weeks back.....you need to decided if YOU want her in your day. Is it important for you to have her there? if so do your best to find a store near her. If you can`t trust her to order the dress have her send you a check and place the order yourself. But you need to decide if all that work is worth it to you. See i was chasing my MOH all around and she wasn`t doing things that were needed from her. (even my mom was annoyed) so i asked her to be just a guest. it was hard and now we arent speaking but i still think it was for the best so you have some soul searching to do. GOOD LUCK
I agree with this....how important is it to you to have her there that day?
missK
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
I see your dilemma so if you want her to be a part of your day why not ask her to do something else for you in place of the responsibility of being a BM? You are stressing now and you have months before your wedidng. It will only increase. Let her somehow be included without major responsibility. HTH
anamaree77
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Re: I have to vent about one of my bms!!
I keep hearing stories like this, how annoying!! In all honesty, she's just giving you excuses and she probably doesn't even mean to lead you on but it sounds like she's just in a bad place right now. I'm sure she wants to be there for you but I think you already know that it's just not going to work out. Maybe she needs some reality when you tell her that unfortunately you just can't have her in the BP due to her actions. Tough love ***** but it works.
