I love my mom but HATE her boyfriend (Vent) (kinda long)

My dad died in '91, suddenly, since then my mom found a new boyfriend (a close friend of my dads). This new boyfriend well call him 'Jerry'... left his wife and 2 kids (they are older) and moved into my house. He doesnt have a job, smokes in my house (around my mom who doesnt smoke), mooches off my mother... I could go on but I'd get myself too mad. ANYWAY... I moved out because of him. I couldnt be around him. When we are in the same room we dont say a word to each other (Im happier that way).
My problem... he wants MY daughter to call him Pop pop... He has a grandchild (in North Carolina) who he doesnt see. AND my baby already has a grandpa... FH's dad and mine (even though he isnt here anymore). It drives me crazy when my mom says Grandma and Pop pop... I want my daughter to call him 'Jerry'...
Am I wrong?? I need some advice here!!!!

Re: I love my mom but HATE her boyfriend (Vent) (kinda long)

I don't think you're wrong. It's not like your Mothers married to this guy!!! For the most part children will call people what they want to! My niece called my Father Poppy. We don't know where she came up with it, it just happened! She also called her Father Sean for a long time. Hell, I'm dying to have Patrick look at me & say Momma but nope not happening. but he does mummble Tracy!! (he's almost 17 months)
I'm rambling...........
I would just keep calling him 'Jerry' in front of her. And if either your Mother or he says anything just say I don't want to take anything away from my Father. If they don't understand that's their problem!!
I hope this helps!!!

Re: I love my mom but HATE her boyfriend (Vent) (kinda long)

I totally understand your situation only with me I cannot even be in the same room as my mother's loser, non-working ugly moocher husband. My parents are divorced so of course,your situation is a bit different BUT there is no way in Hel_ that my kids would ever call this guy Pop, Grandpa or anything close. In my situation my children will not even know that their grandma is married since he moocher is not welcome in my home and I don't go to hers.
In front of both your mother and her boyfriend, with your husband by your side, say that your child will call this man Jerry and you hope that they both respect your decision.Even if you want, Uncle Jerry is fine. You will refer to your father as Grandpa, not the boyfriend. Don't ask, don't comprimise. This is your right as a parent.

Re: I love my mom but HATE her boyfriend (Vent) (kinda long)

I guess I would love to tell them that he isnt pop pop... I just dont want to hurt my mom. I know the fact that I hate her boyfriend (so does my brother and my moms brothers) bothers her. I dont want any problems between us... shes the only parent I have left!!

Re: I love my mom but HATE her boyfriend (Vent) (kinda long)

KP - maybe since your situation is that you dad passed away, your mom might understand your perspective. Tell her that your dad meant so much to you and when you tell your daughter about him, that he will be 'pop pop' or 'grandpa' and you dont want to confuse her or replace the special place your dad held in your heart. IF you make it a serious/emotional conversation, she will hopefully understand your view. If it is said in an argument, she may feel stuck in between and wind up having to choose sides, which shouldnt happen.

Good Luck...

HUGS

Re: I love my mom but HATE her boyfriend (Vent) (kinda long)

Just say it nicely- that you consider your father still your child's grandfather and do not feel that anyone else has the right to that. They should BOTH understand your feelings.

Re: I love my mom but HATE her boyfriend (Vent) (kinda long)

I also hate my mother's loser mooching boyfriend, in fact he is not even invited to my wedding. He has never given me a gift or card in the 15 yrs my mother dates this idiot that NO ONE likes! I used to buy him stuff, then I wised up. I also do not speak to him or can't stand to be in the same room as him. My mom's boyfriend works, has an expensive house in Westchester that he bought in cash, and yet he is at my mom's 7 nights a week feeding his fat ugly face with the food my mother buys...Sorry to vent on your post, but I would never let my kids call him pop pop or anything even close. Explain to your mom you don't feel comfortable with your child calling him this, I bet she understands. 'Jerry' is fine.