I'm fed up

I just seem to be in a rut. We (FH & I) are taking the day off tomorrow to register, and I am dreading it. We both have a lot of stuff, so I made a list of 'luxury' items and he is pick, pick, picking it, so much so, that I told him that he sould go register alone. I expect when we get to Fortunoff's that I will see other stuff I would like, but he is so detemined to keep the list short. He expects people are more likely to give a $$ gift if the registry is short - I just think we will get stuff we don't want. Yes I've told him this, but I am still expecting a hard sell if I want to add something.
Also, (yet more) I went to Fortunoffs, I picked up the registry catolog for him to review, and I picked up 2 registry lists to help the process along, but he thinks we should discuss each item together. I picked what I would like, and told him to do the same.

I am fed up not being able to make any decisions on my own anymore.

everything seems to be a decision making / 'discussion' process , that just takes so long. We started planning over 2 months ago, and have only booked the reception, and the photographer ( and each time we were pushed into making a decision or losing the date).

Just venting I guess.

Re: I'm fed up

Don't hold your breath that people will give $$ if there is nothing left on the registry. You could wind up with stuff you don't like and may not be able to return!!!!

Re: I'm fed up

ok, take a deep breadth. I went through almost the exact same thing with the registry thing. It was extremely stressful and led to me being very unhappy. Your fh has to understand that for the wedding people are more likely to give you money but if you are having a shower people want to pick off of a registry. If not you will wind up with a lot of stuff that you won't like from places you don't like. Also, people might buy off of the registry for your wedding.

We went to fortunoff's a few times and fh got very impatient with the whole process. I wound up forgetting about getting china and anything else we could not agree on. Remember also that you can register online so you can go and see things and then make decisions and change them as you go along from home.

I also was taking it hard that it is no longer just my decision. I am still trying to get used to it. Realize that you are not alone!!!!

Good luck!

Re: I'm fed up

just let him hold the gun, and he will have fun.

Re: I'm fed up

Jen is right. Just remember you can always return the gifts that you don't want from Fortunoff's for the $$ at least.

Re: I'm fed up

Thats right. We gave people a lot of choices and still got stuff that we didn't register for and don't need. These things have no tag and we got no receipt so we can't even exchange it for something else. Sometimes you just can't win.

Re: I'm fed up

EXACTLY!!! OH and Matt is right let him hold the gun. That kept Matt busy for quite awhile!

Re: I'm fed up

Thanks everyone

maybe he'll play with the gun - he's an engineer and it should keep him busy for a while

Re: I'm fed up

I know you are stressed about it now but I am sitting here smiling to myself thinking back to when we first got engaged and how we went through all of this. And as annoying as it can be I appreciate those times now and it will all be worh it.

Just remind him of all the things you may get stuck with like an excess of salad spinners or 20 lenox frames. I didn't get any salad spinners thank god but I could own my own lenox outlet!!!

Re: I'm fed up

Honestly- people will just buy you more crap if your registery is full of only 'luxury' items. Believe me. People will give you money at the wedding anyway. But for an e-gift or shower they like to give gifts.
Consider registering for some Christmas/Holiday dishes, a new tea kettle, pretty new guest towels or sheets, a pretty frame for your wedding photo, some entertaining items such as coffee buttler/cheese and cracker plate etc...
And comprimise with your FH. If you really fall in love with a frame that he hates ask him, 'Do you really care that much about one frame? Is it really worth a fight' and if he doesn't want you to register for it, just tell your MOm you want it

Re: I'm fed up

Michele
Many of the things are non-luxury items - baking pans, utensils, etc. that are v. affordable. So I already thought of that, but the holdiday stuff is a good iea. Not sure if he will go for it though. I see the registry as the ultimate house wish list, he doesn't.
Ragards asking my mom - not an option, she's 3,000 miles away , but I can tell him that I'll just end up buying it for myself

Re: I'm fed up

I have sooo many frames. I love all of them but how many wedding frames can a person have. I have from Mikasa to Lenox. Maybe we can get together and have a frame sale or something...lol. So many things were left on my registry that were not even that expensive and people just decided to get me extra frames.

Re: I'm fed up

Dubliner,
I was being cute and flip when I replied to your Fortunoff's thread a few days ago (about how I almost killed FH in the middle of the china dept.), but I was pretty serious. We had some serious disagreements that highlighted not only our different tastes in china etc, but the fact that both of us are adjusting to factoring in another person in our everyday decision processes...everything from china patterns to what to have for dinner to who can go meet their pals for Happy Hour to differing meatloaf recipes. I have already cried more than once since July, but I have to take a deep breath and remember how much I love him, and he loves me, and try to compromise.
But yes, registereing ****s, basically. Good luck.

Re: I'm fed up

I totally can relate to what you are going through. I was single and lived alone for about 5 years. All decisions and choices where made for me, by me. Then I met my fiance and it became for US, by US... Which is great when you have similar taste and opinions - unfortuately, in certain areas (such as decorating a home) we didn't. My fiance also was much more interested in the 'cash' then the gifts. (I secretly think its because they are jealous that we get the bridal shower and they don't!
) At any rate, we argued back and forth and he finally gave in - but only because we started receiving GIFT CARDS! He suddenly realized there was no gaurantee that we would get cash... and believe me, because I've tried.. you can't cash the gift cards in... you must buy something for almost the 'complete' amount of the card before they give you cash as change! Run this by him... maybe it will help! Worked for me...

Re: I'm fed up

I've been a secret registry updater! Get the basics you can agree on the first time around and then go online and add things you want. Luckily my FI can't remember what we registered for, plus he is not one to notice if something new is on the registry. So if your FI probably won't look at the registry once you do it in the store, go online and update and add what you want.

Re: I'm fed up

The first time we registered, it wasn't fun at all. We were at Macys and it was all so not us. But then we went to Crate & Barrell and had a blast - so much more our style! We got our everyday dishes and our china there.

It definitely helps to have an idea of what you want beforehand.

Oh, and I did the same thing as ddunne23 - I was constantly adding more things to the registry online. It was so much easier that the in-store hassel.

Al wasn't interested in the gun at all, so I got to do all the shooting (he's an engineer too).

Re: I'm fed up

I took my mom with me to register. I figured she would know the things I needed. FH didn't want anything to do with it. He just told me not to get anything 'fancy' and focus on the 'practical' things we need.

We both live at home, so we need everything. I put a wide range of things on the registry from fine china and crystal to everyday things. I'm sure we'll get a fine mix of things from people.

Re: I'm fed up

I spoke to my MOH tonight, and her advice was - we get to spend the day together tomorrow, and if we get it all done, great, but if we don't then whats the problem, we still have time. We should enjoy as much as possible, and takes any breaks we need.

And we should definately make time to eat ice cream!!

Anyway, I feel a lot better from all your posts and my MOH chat.
Thanks