I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

I'm sorry to bring you all down, but I don't know who to talk to
I don't want to tell FH b/c he worries about me so much already w/my migraines, etc. . .

My Mom passed almost 3 years ago. After the funeral, etc, I had to take 3 months off of work, just b/c I couldnt funciton. I was having major panic attacks. So basically it was either stay home, or go out full of medication. I chose staying home, until I was well enough to go out again. It took 3 months.

Since then, I've been OK, just get really sad now thinking about Mom and how happy she would be with the wedding, and how involved she would be.
I could handle that, but the problem is. . I've been thinking about her soooo much and getting so sad w/the holidays and as the wedding drawers nearer, and now I think I'm starting to get the panic attacks again.

I don't know what to do to calm down
Any suggestions?

Liz

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

I am very sorry you are going through all this, I know what you are feeling, I never lost a close family member, but I did go through something personal and experienced the panic attacks and anxiety for over 6 months, I thought I was going to flip out and wind up in the looney bin. I did all the medications and I have to say time healed it, that is the truth. Just remember that your Mom will always be with you - especially on your Wedding Day, please e-mail if you need to talk. [email protected]

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Liz- I TOTALLY understand!!! When my Father died 8 yrs ago I had headaches 24 hrs a day. (they never said they were migraines) I had a cat-scan and everything. They just said it was the stress of the blow. (he woke up w/ chest pains & was gone 3 hours later) And that the best medicine was to just let it out! (like I was crying enough! ) I know you don't want to upset Len but I think you might have to tell him. The WORSE thing to do is bottle it up! So if you choose to cry for a little bit he'll understand. BELIEVE me John is used to seeing me cry (sometimes for no reason) It truly is the best release. And then at least you can work on getting you ok together!
Both my parents are gone now & it is EXTREMELY hard to get over the fact that they won't physically be there. But you have to believe she is with you. There is NOTHING that would stop a loving parent from seeing their child get married!! Not even when they are gone!! I know it's not the same but love never dies!!
I hope this helps! You can always turn to me if you need to chat!!
Good Luck sweetie!!
HUGS

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

I too never experienced losing someone so close to me, but I have had anxiety. I used a variety of ways to get past the anxiety, including yoga (which REALLY does help because of the breathing and meditation exercises...plus it makes you look and feel great!). In addition to the yoga, I kept busy doing things that I enjoy (reading, painting) and talked alot to my friends. Do you have a close girlfriend who you could talk to? This may sound weird, but what if you try writing in a journal to your mom? Maybe that will help you get your feelings out. Good luck, and remember that she is always with you...smiling at you and wishing you all the best. My thoughts are with you!

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Liz, I am so sorry!
Is there anyone you can speak to, when these feelings occur? Maybe go for counseling? When my ex passed away I also went for counseling and it helped me. I thought my life wouldn't go on without him. We were best friends & engaged.
I hope all is OK for you, Mom will be with you on your day Liz, she is your angel.

Lots of hugs to you.

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

I feel terrible that I can't find words to console you. Please know that your mom is always with you and especially on your wedding day!!!!!! She will shine down from heaven and add an add'l blessing to your union. *******HUGS*********

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Liz

I feel so bad for you - that you are going through this, especially at the Holidays. I cannot relate (I am a very lucky girl), but there are times I feel down about other things, and sometimes I let it out to Greg, and sometimes not. I understand that you don't want to worry Len, but he would probably understand.
Alternatively, do you have a girlfriend / sister who you can let it all out too ? Just letting it out will help - I think it always does, and whatever you do don't let it build up inside - you will just feel worse.

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Hi Liz,

First of all-you don't need to apologize to any of us! That's what we are here for. Reaching out and writing a post like this is a step in the right direction. You can't keep it all bottled up. Don't worry about 'bringing anyone down'...you need to get these feelings out.

I think you may want to speak with your FH about how you're feeling. Sure he worries, but that's his job!

Do you have any brothers or sisters that you can share your feelings with? Like some of the other ladies, I'd also suggest counseling. It never hurts to have someone to unload all of this onto.

I think it's perfectly normal to be thinking about her. This is what will keep her close in your heart forever.

It sounds to me like you are a very caring, loving, sensitive person...what an honor to her! She can only be smiling down from heaven, proud that she raised such a beautiful daughter.

Honey, I can't imagine how difficult this must all be for you. Wedding planning and holidays are supposed to be so happy, but they are often bittersweet. You have to think of what your mom would want you to do. I'm sure she'd want you to keep her memory alive by having happy holidays and a beautiful wedding and things like that.

I don't know if this will sound corny, but in painful, difficult situations, I rely so much on meditation and prayer. Understanding that there is a higher power that will bless us with strength when we need it most is such a comfort to me.

Please, please post and let us know how you are doing. I hope that somehow, someway you find some sort of comfort and peace.

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Liz, I am so sorry!

I agree, maybe there is someone you can speak to? My friend and old roommate had very bad panic attacks. She went for counseling and also got some meds on hand in case the attack was really bad she would take it to calm her down. Going to speak with someone and finding out what caused her attacks and how she could fight them with out meds really helped her. She too did Yoga and some different breathing techniques.

You Mom will be with you on your wedding day! I'm sure she is with you everyday.

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

The one thing you always have to remember is your mom will always be there plus know exactly what you are doing with your plans for your wedding.It is hard on the holidays i lost my father 5 1/2 yrs ago and will always feel sad these times of yr.But he said to me before he died dont worry about me i will always be fine,just go on with your life and be happy so i can be happy for you.I have a picture right in front of my bed of him so i see him when i go to bed and see him when i wake up.My dad is gone but i know he is still here and that is all that matters.The one thing is i wish my mom can feel the same way i do but she still hurts hes gone and i can understand they were married for over 40 yrs.But i know things can only get better.Keep your chin up and dont think of it as a bad thing.Think of it as they are doing something better then we are and having more fun then we are.I try to think positive.God bless you and everything will work out fine in time.Think on how happy your mom is of you.Happy holidays to you,and all my girlfriends on here.

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Hi Liz,

I too can relate to your feelings. I also lost my mom. She passed away 4 months before my daughter was born in '96. I also had to try and fuction the best I could. I also had anxiety attacks and had to be medicated. It wasn't easy, but I am much better now. The most important thing is to express your feelings to your FH. It is not good to hold in your feelings. At the time of loosing my mom, I decided the best thing for me was counseling. I really needed an outside person to help deal with the loss. My family was wonderful, but I couldn't deal with everyone telling me 'it will be ok'. I went to couseling for a very long time, and it truly helped me.
I am so sorry that you are going through this, but please know you are not alone. If you ever need to talk, please forum mail me. We may not know each other at all, but I have been where you are and I am here if you need me.
Your mom will be with you on your wedding day. I truly believe that. She is with you all the time.
Stay strong Sweetie!!! Many hugs for you....

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Liz, I'm so sorry that you are experiencing these feelings now, but I guess it's only natural to miss your Mom during the holidays and especially when you are getting married soon. All I can tell you is that she will always be there with you and she knows that you're getting married and she's probably so happy for you.
I think that you should speak to your FI b/c he needs to know what your going through. Lots of Hugs for you************** *************

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

I know it is easier said than done but I would definitely speak to someone about what you are feeling (a close friend, family member, a professional person or religious contact, etc.)

I would also try to imagine happy thoughts. Rather than think your mom is missing out, think how happy she would of been for you as well. Maybe you can include something in your ceremony to honor her.

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

No words are going to really make you miss your mom any less than you do. Both of my grandmother's passed away within 3 months of each other about 4 years ago. I was VERY close to both of them and losing them has been devistating to me. Throughout the wedding planning I thought 'I bet Grandma would have loved this' or 'I wish Nanny could be here while I am trying on dresses' It was really hard some days not to just cry, and you know what, some days I did. One thing that did help me was that I had something of theirs with me the entire day of the wedding. I carried my Grandmother's pray book with my bouquet (she carried it and so did my Mom when they got married), I wore my Nanny's diamond cross around my neck and I pinned my #1 granddaughter pin (that Nanny gave me when I was about 13) inside my gown. I also had their photos on my dresser as I was getting ready. It was not the same as them being there, but I felt that they were looking down on me smiling the whole day.
Something you may want to consider is talking about this. Don't keep it bottled in. That just makes your whole body more tense and sad. Talk to your Dad too. I am sure he is feeling some of the same things that you are.
And of course we are always here to listen and give

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

I agree with the counseling suggestion, and there are also medications out there - a lot of the anti-depressants work well to help suppress panic attacks - you can talk to your personal doctor if they really start to affect your life. I am sorry for your loss. My mom is still alive, although it would have meant so much to me for her to be involved in the wedding planning, but she's just not the type. I do want to say though, that I firmly believe that your mom is right there with you, shopping for your dress, looking at favors, etc.....you have the best guardian angel there is!

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Hi Liz, know that words cannot always help in times like these, but my thoughts and prayers are with you as you deal with the loss of your mom. I dont think that there is a timeframe on healing from a loss so great, that everyday is different w. different struggles and challenges. I am sure that your mom is watching over you, and will give you the strength to get through the tougher days.

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Lizlen~ It will be three years that my mom has passed on December 24th which makes the holidays horrendous but the wedding plans depressing also.. For the panic attacks I would definately see a counselor, there are ways that you can learn coping skills. I have been learning so much through my psychology classes about depression and panic, anxiety, etc that it has been so helpful to apply to my own losses.. If you need to talk you can forum mail me..

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Hi Liz,

Honestly, it's as if you were reading my mind. I have been feeling some of the same things. I lost my dad about a year and a half ago. We were VERY close and it is VERY hard, especially now. I try not to be a complainer or rather, someone that shares my worries (until it spills over), so I haven't really discussed it with anyone. My father was actually the one that I really used to talk to about a lot of things. Then of course I'd get some good but LONG WINDED advice, but that's another story for another day. LOL

I wish I had the perfect thing to tell you but unfortunately I don't. All I can say is that your NOT alone girlie. She is with you spiritually, in the moments that you need extra strength, like now, and in your happiest times she is especially there.

(Just like the pot calling the kettle black), continue to talk about it and share your feelings with those that you feel most comfortable. Perhaps getting it out will lessen the build up that results in an attack. Liz, if there is any way I can help, and I sincerely mean it, please let me know.
You are in my prayers,
Take care chick!

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Hi Liz:

I lost my grandmother 8 years ago and I still miss her like crazy. She raised me. I am sorry that you are going through this.

I agree with JennBaby that you should look into seeking counseling of some sort. It can be a truly rewarding and therepeutic experience.

what gets me through he days sometimes is thinking of all the good times I have shared with her, and I also motivate myself to be a better,stronger e I know that is what she would have wanted for me.

I am here if you need someone to talk to.

Re: I miss my Mom :( (kinda sad)

Liz,

I am so sorry you have to go through all of this without your mom. I cannot imagine how hard it is for you & the other ladies here who have had a loss of a parent. I can only say no matter where you are or what you do, she is ALWAYS with you! When you make your decisions or when you decide against something I'd think that that is your mom guiding you in the right direction. I know that's easy for me to say, but that's just the way I look at things when I lose a loved one.

Maybe a counselor might be your best choice. Just an impartial person to talk to... vent to... and cry to... sometimes that's what we need.

Try to keep your chin up.