I NEED ADVICE AND OPINIONS!!!

ok so FH just called me in the middle of his work day to talk money... I hate that cause I like to talk about it in person and of course it ended in a fight...

the problem is he has about $4,000 credit card debt (FROM BEFORE HE MET ME) and it wont seem to go away or even down becasue of the new wedding expenses, basically he's put paying that off on hold... (its interest free until FEB 09) So he thinks that the money we get back from the wedding should go to paying that off, or at least some of it should go to his credit card... but I think that after the wedding we're already going to be so tight and we are going to NEED that money!! Basically I feel like he should try to pay off or minimize his own debt BEFORE we get married (This August)... he says that debt will become 'our debt' but I dont agree and I told him that none of the money we're getting back from the wedding is going toward his $4,000 credit card debt....

I dont know how to deal with this... at all, and maybe I was wrong???? I DONT KNOW

Lastly, I think I should mention that I'm in my last year of college and NOT WORKING, just going to school and for the first year of marriage FH will be responsible for everything... he uses this to justify things... including paying off his credit card casue he says everything is on his shoulders...

ok opinions?

I agree with your FH. His debt is now your debt too...

I think it should be paid off with wedding money too - dribs and drabs until it's paid off by Feb 09 - $700/month.

It's not fair to hold it against him. He's been nothing but straight up honest with you - you knew about it.

You guys are becoming a team now. And since you're not working... yeah - I see his point on that too.

You're basically saying to him - I want you and not your baggage. See how that sounds?

i agree with you that he should pay down his credit card as much as possible before the wedding. you both are starting your life together. who wants to start something with old debt hanging over your heads?

however he will be supporting you both for the 1st year, so its not like your money will be going toward paying off HIS debt.

its a tough situation that you have to find middle ground where YOU are comfortable.

good luck!


ETA: i DONT think you should use wedding money to pay it off. that is his debt and that money is for the BOTH of you. work towards paying it off from his own salary before the interest starts kicking in. if Feb 09 comes around and the card isnt paid off, then i would dip into the wedding money because you dont want to pay interest.

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Posted by Dalia
the problem is he has about $4,000 credit card debt (FROM BEFORE HE MET ME) and it wont seem to go away or even down becasue of the new wedding expenses, basically he's put paying that off on hold...

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ding ding ding.

He's NOT paying it off because he's paying wedding expenses. And you DON'T want him to use the wedding money to pay down his debt that he CAN'T pay down because of the wedding expenses.

You're being selfish.

i am in a very similar situation.

FH had over 4K debt.. i took over 2K just to lower his interest payments... (i dont charge interest and he has paid almost 1/2 off)

i did this WITH the understanding that i shoudl help him out NOW... bc in a few months he will be helping me pay of 48k!!!

he has even said it a few times... bc of u im in more debt then ever

yes its alot but he is more relaxed once i helped him with his 4k... the decrease of interest alone was great.. adn then whit the amt owd dropped he was able to lower his interest rate even more!

money is a horrible situation...
dont use ur wedding $ to pay it off. his or yours... JMO, but his debt.. y our debt is 'our' once you get married.

also... onve we are married... that $ he still owes me... yea.. COACH! he knows the drill

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

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Posted by Dalia
the problem is he has about $4,000 credit card debt (FROM BEFORE HE MET ME) and it wont seem to go away or even down becasue of the new wedding expenses, basically he's put paying that off on hold...

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ding ding ding.

He's NOT paying it off because he's paying wedding expenses. And you DON'T want him to use the wedding money to pay down his debt that he CAN'T pay down because of the wedding expenses.

You're being selfish.

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Sorry but I totally agree. We each have student loans and we are going to use a small portion of our wedding money to pay off some of each. We've just been paying the minimum so all other money can go toward the wedding...

Once you get married, IMO, all previous debt is shared. You need to figure out finances before you get married. If this is a big issue now, how are you going to handle other financial problems in the future.

ok i'm also a student, i work full time. i don't make much but i cover my expenses. FH knew this before asking me to move in & we also talked how i can't help him with the mortgage & other house expenses (except for grocery shopping & misc things around the house) until i graduate & find a good job. everything is on his shoulders for now.

we both have minor debt from before. i do agree that it will become our debt after we get married if it's not paid off by then.

however, what you get from your wedding shouldn't go to paying off debt. we plan on either putting it in savings or using it to build our future & paying off our debt with our paychecks.

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

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Posted by Dalia
the problem is he has about $4,000 credit card debt (FROM BEFORE HE MET ME) and it wont seem to go away or even down becasue of the new wedding expenses, basically he's put paying that off on hold...

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ding ding ding.

He's NOT paying it off because he's paying wedding expenses. And you DON'T want him to use the wedding money to pay down his debt that he CAN'T pay down because of the wedding expenses.

You're being selfish.

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I have to agree. if he wasn't having to pay for the wedding expenses, wouldn't he be able to pay down this card now? You gotta give a little here.....hes holding off on paying down the card for a wedding for you BOTH -- so i think it only makes sense to try and help him pay down that debt....it will work out in the long run for you both




ETA: when his 0% interest rate end in 09 -- EVERY SINGLE penny of interest that would have accumulated during his interest free time will be ADDED to his debt....wouldn't you want to try and help him pay off the debt before this happens?

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Posted by cherish83

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

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Posted by Dalia
the problem is he has about $4,000 credit card debt (FROM BEFORE HE MET ME) and it wont seem to go away or even down becasue of the new wedding expenses, basically he's put paying that off on hold...

---

ding ding ding.

He's NOT paying it off because he's paying wedding expenses. And you DON'T want him to use the wedding money to pay down his debt that he CAN'T pay down because of the wedding expenses.

You're being selfish.

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Sorry but I totally agree. We each have student loans and we are going to use a small portion of our wedding money to pay off some of each. We've just been paying the minimum so all other money can go toward the wedding...

Once you get married, IMO, all previous debt is shared. You need to figure out finances before you get married. If this is a big issue now, how are you going to handle other financial problems in the future.

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i feel like student loans are different than just credit card debt. if he used the money to pay for school then i would agree with you both--since it was an investment for his--and now your--future.

however if it is just collected debt from retail stores--i feel that it should be his responsibility to get rid of it. i had credit card debt i paid off so that I could go into this marriage with nothing hanging over my head.

but i totally am going to help FH pay off his school loans

Legally, I do not think his debt becomes 'yours' after the wedding. My FH probably has a lot more debt than 4K and I have looked into it - I do not think it actually becomes YOUR responsibility after you are married.

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean you shouldn't help him pay it off. $4000 is NOT a lot of money. I owe $3500 on my car - by sending $200 a month for 17 months, it's DONE. So, maybe you can start sending a little money in now? It is good to start when there is no interest. If you start now - say july - you'd take $1600 off that total. Then you'll have only $2400 - which, if you can transfer to another 0% card, will be paid off in 2 years.

I agree with the majority - don't use your wedding money if you can help it. Pay it off each month with as much as you can afford. But, if you can help, you should. I don't know about the legalities of it, but in marriage, I believe that what's yours is his and vice versa.

Good luck!

His mentality is that since im not going to be working... I CANT help him pay anything off and therefore the only thing that COULD help him is the money from the wedding...

I feel like in the end I shouldnt really push too hard because Im not working and therefore its not really right to be having these demands...

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Posted by Dalia

His mentality is that since im not going to be working... I CANT help him pay anything off and therefore the only thing that COULD help him is the money from the wedding...

I feel like in the end I shouldnt really push too hard because Im not working and therefore its not really right to be having these demands...

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Yes. And you said he's not paying down his debt because of the wedding.

So - if he wasn't paying the wedding expenses - you would prob be using a credit card right?

And then the money from the wedding would go towards that.

Let him pay dwn his debt using the wedding money.,

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Posted by Dalia

His mentality is that since im not going to be working... I CANT help him pay anything off and therefore the only thing that COULD help him is the money from the wedding...

I feel like in the end I shouldnt really push too hard because Im not working and therefore its not really right to be having these demands...

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well i think that if you are going to be in school and he has to support you guys---if he needs a little help from wedding money...thats understandable. if he can clear $4K in CC debt interest free......thats great. you'll be kicking yourself later if the debt is NOT paid--and all the interest from the beginning of the 0% APR period is added, and then your FH is stuck paying only min. payments !

my thing would be that you make sure that his CC once its paid, STAYS PAID....and he doesn't accumulate any additional debt now that he has 4K in credit again!

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by Dalia

His mentality is that since im not going to be working... I CANT help him pay anything off and therefore the only thing that COULD help him is the money from the wedding...

I feel like in the end I shouldnt really push too hard because Im not working and therefore its not really right to be having these demands...

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well i think that if you are going to be in school and he has to support you guys---if he needs a little help from wedding money...thats understandable. if he can clear $4K in CC debt interest free......thats great. you'll be kicking yourself later if the debt is NOT paid--and all the interest from the beginning of the 0% APR period is added, and then your FH is stuck paying only min. payments !

my thing would be that you make sure that his CC once its paid, STAYS PAID....and he doesn't accumulate any additional debt now that he has 4K in credit again!

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youre right, it would be a bad situation if it was left until FEB and then interest hits... the only encouraging thing is that all credit card use has been stopped, the 4,000 is stagnant... its not growing... this is the last of it.

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Posted by Dalia


youre right, it would be a bad situation if it was left until FEB and then interest hits... the only encouraging thing is that all credit card use has been stopped, the 4,000 is stagnant... its not growing... this is the last of it.

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well there ya go! he can pay off the card and you keep it locked up! then his credit will show that he has a card with a good amount of credit limit on it--that he's not using....and hopefully help his score.

i know how it can be when sometimes you feel like 'but i didn't CHARGE all this money....why do WE have to pay for it!' but sometimes it just something that comes with the package.

ITA with FutureMulligan

Plus if you're going to buy a home together at some point, you're both going to need good credit in order to get a good rate. Although it is unfortunate that your FH has debt, it seems to be balanced out by the fact that he is/will be supporting you. Isn't that what marriage is? A partnership?

I just don't get your thinking...

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by Dalia


youre right, it would be a bad situation if it was left until FEB and then interest hits... the only encouraging thing is that all credit card use has been stopped, the 4,000 is stagnant... its not growing... this is the last of it.

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well there ya go! he can pay off the card and you keep it locked up! then his credit will show that he has a card with a good amount of credit limit on it--that he's not using....and hopefully help his score.

i know how it can be when sometimes you feel like 'but i didn't CHARGE all this money....why do WE have to pay for it!' but sometimes it just something that comes with the package.

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GREAT thinking, MJDoc12. A lot of things 'come with the package' that we don't necessary like or want, but in the end, it's about the love you have for each other and you need to work through the undesirables in order to get the thing you want - love!

Well I feel better hearing the advice and I think I've come to the conclusion that he'll pay off as much as he can from his salary before the wedding and through FEB. whatevers left (if anything) after that we'll take from the wedding money because the last thing I want is for it to accumulate interest!!

Thank you ladies...