My grandfather passed away on Monday night. It was my dads father, my dad passed away in 91 and they moved to FLA in 96. Since then Ive seen them in 2001 and this past January 2004. Im very glad I did because my grandfather had alzheimers and wasnt doing too well, he was in a nursing home requiring 24-7 care.
My problem... My aunt has decided to have a mass for him on Tuesday March 23rd. She initally said she would have it when it was convenient for everyone. Well it turns out that her children (son from NJ and daughter from WA) were going to be in town that week anyway so its convenient for them. My mother, brother and I all had plans for that week. I have something going on every day but Friday, my brother works, my FH works. So out of convenience for her my aunt plans this around HER family not caring about our 1/2.
Now, do I
A. Cancel my plans, and go to FLA for 3 days? $200 airfare/per person ($600 for me, FH and Emma, rental car and hotel for 3 days
B. Not go until my grandmother dies (shes not doing too good either) and keep our plans and go about our lives
C. Keep everything the way it is. When my 1/2 of the family can get together with some advanced planning go to FLA and have our own service said for him and visit the place where they are burying his ashes.
Keep in mind I was just in FL 1/9-1/20 this year.
reallybehind!
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
if it's financially feasible i would suck it up and go now. i know it's inconvenient and a pain, but i would feel like i needed to be there. but that's just me. you need to do what works best for you.... good luck and i'm sorry about your grandfather
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
I don't consider cancelling your plans and going to the service 'sucking it up'. If you loved this man then you should go. people do not die when it is convient for us,nor can the family always plan the service when it is easy for everyone else. JMO
kptoys
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
Michele - I know... maybe I should have worded it differently. Im just so annoyed that my aunt made it all convenient for her but didnt consider us.
SomedayBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
It's just a mass, no funeral? Are they bringing his ashes to the burial place? If it's just a mass, I might not go, but if it's a burial and a mass, I think I would change my plans. JMO
Eta: I forgot to say sorry about your grandpa
ChristineC68
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
I am very sorry about your grandfather, my deepest condolences to you and your family.
I can only tell you what I would do. If I had the money I would go, probably just for 2 days (depending on the time of the service). If I couldn't swing the airfare for the whole family, I would go alone or bring Emma if DH couldn't stay with her.
anna
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
Karen, Follow your heart. Maybe what your aunt did was selfish or maybe she wasnt being considerate of everyone, but you should do what you feel youd want to do for your dad and grandfather. Its not a simple answer that we can advise you on, its how strong you feel in your heart you want to be there at this time.
Months from now, it may be 'different' and not feel as 'fresh' as it does, now that it just occurred.
Will alot of your family be there, that you might want to see again? Is this also a wake/funeral or just a mass? Is your grandmother taking this hard/does she need her family around her right now?
ITs really a case of following your gut.. Dont go by your aunt's decisions and her actions. She's not the focal point in this story.. dont let those feelings of anger decide what you will do and when, for your grandfather. Ten years from now, you want to look back and feel good about what you did for your grandparents, and for your dad, who's watching from up above.
Whatever you decide will be right, because you'll feel good about it.
Lots of hugs to you. God Bless your Grandpa
swags1016
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
Karen you have to do what is most important for you. If it is not a true burial mass, how would you feel about not being able to say good-bye to him with the rest of your family? Do you think that you would be ok with waiting to say your good-byes? Is it possible for just you to go and have someone watch Emma when Derek isn't home?
kptoys
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
There will be a mass and a burial of his ashes. Hes being or has been creamated.
I think my grandmother would want us there. If my father was here we would go. I know it. Bah. I know what I should. I know we should go. I havent been on a plane since 9/10/01... Im kinda hesitant about that. Maybe I could get some drugs from a doc to help me cope with my fears, damn terrorists...
My cousins whom I havent seen in years will be there with their kids. We should go.
kptoys
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
I know I couldnt leave Emma for any length of time... I still breastfeed her. We havent been away over night. when I do it I dont want to be many hours away from her.
swags1016
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
Sounds like you made your decision. You will be ok!!!
Claud2001
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
No advice...just wanted to drop off some of these...
I just wanted to note that FH doesn't have to go- unless you want him there for support?
when my uncle died, unfortunatle DH had a job interview out of state...so he was not able to make it...just to give you another option if DH cannot get out of work
WeDidIt!
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
I'm glad that you decided to. I really believe that is the right thing to do.
shelzyp
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
Even thought your aunt was not considerate of you and your family, you should not let her inconsiderateness, affect memoralizing your grandfather.
I am so sorry for your los.s
Maribelle7777
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
I am not sure what you should do - but I wanted to send my condolences to you and your family
Scoop
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need advice... - kinda long but important.
If it were me....I would go. Do what you feel is right...there is no right/wrong answer. I'm sorry for your loss.
