I Need advice... Rather long... BUT PLEASE READ

Ok... I am 2 days away from getting married to the love of my life... and I swear to GOD that Dwayne and I just had our FIRST real fight/argument...

Ok... Everyone knows my birthday was yesterday, I told Dwayne 'DO NOT GET ME ANYTHING' b/c we are trying to save for the wedding... Now, I know he was going to get me something... so I then told him 'If you get me something... Make it really small... or make me something!'

What does he do!!?!?!?!?!??!?!

He gets me a NEW LOUIS VUITTON bag and matching Ipod holder...

***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I was nice and told him how much I appreciated it... But I told him that I didn't need it and would really like to return it because we need the money for other things...

HE IS SOOOOOOOOOO UPSET AT ME GIRLS... He was like 'WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ACCEPT A GIFT AND ENJOY SOMETHING'

I said I love the fact that you had your co-workers all come with you to buy it and help you pick it out... and no one else in the world would ever do something like that for me... But we are in a different stage in our life right now and things like this aren't really necessary for me and I just don't need it...

So... Girls... What do I do... I wrote him this entire letter saying how sorry I was and explaining the situation and he hasn't written me back or called me...

***PS... I don't even like the bag... so I can exchange it if he really wants me to keep it... But I think he is also upset that I don't like it... I tried to keep that to myself for as long as I could but after he wouldn't give in to returning I finally just had to tell him that I didn't like it. I mean I love LV just not the style he got me...

HELPPPPPPPPPPP!

OK, can completely understand the reason you are upset. We are woman and we think smart
But, on the other hand Renee I can see why he would get upset also. He was probably so excited to give you it and did not expect the reaction you had.

As a fellow LV lover, they are too much money to just keep for the sake of it, especially if you don't like the style. I would wait till things cool down a bit and then explain to him the reason behind your reaction and that you are just looking out for your future together.

IMO accept the present and maybe go back and pick out something you like with him so he can see your reaction

First word of advice, when a man buys you such an expensive bag DON'T tell him you don't like it. Bags and shoes are uncharted territory for most men so give him props for giving it a shot in the first place - I would actually be amazed he even thought of it.
Now the fact that you told him NOT to buy you a gift. Well I am sure that he just couldn't imagine not giving you some kind of gift and even though he is aware that you are saving for the wedding he just wanted to do something nice and sweet. Unfourtantly men don't always get the point that a card given or made from the heart is so much more than an actual gift. If men knew all they had to do was grab roadside flowers and take us on a picnic the world would be a simplier place. But that's not reality.
My honest opinion on this is to tell him you are sorry but you were thrown off about his rather large gift. Secondly since you already told him you don't like it you could rephrase yourself and tell him there was another style that you just prefered over it and would he be crushed if you got that one instead. You could exchange it for something of lesser value and still save yourself some money.
Just cut him a break on this a little - if you don't then he won't know what to do next year or the years after that.

ok...i think you should thank him for the bag and keep it.....Its one big gift...if he was going out every weekend buying you expensive gifts then you would never save any money. Is this bday gift going to hurt your savings...maybe a little, but not enought to fight about it. Since it was your bday and he put sooo much effort into buying you this gift, I would accept it. As hard as you are working to save money, you also have ot enjoy life and treat yourself to things...

if you really dont like the bag, why dont you ask him to go with you to the store and the two of you can pick out the new bag...that way he feels like he still has some input in which bag you get for your 'bday gift'

trust me...me and fh are saving our money for the wedding and also for a house that we are inthe process of buying and fixing up...so i know what its like...but at the same time...you need to spend a little money here and there bc otherwise all you do is work and save and dont get to enjoy the money you work so hard for!

good luck :)

Girls... I totally said everything you said!!!

I didn't tell him I didn't like it until the very end... and I didn't say it like that... I said

'Actually honey, I was eyeing the little planner, maybe we can go back and exchange this and just get a less expensive gift that I really was tempting to get!'

And I got... No Forget it... I will just return it and you will get nothing attitued...

I was kind of happy when he said that... but I don't want him to be upset...

*****And we just got back from DR which was suppose to be a gift for both of our B days... ********

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Posted by prinses777

Girls... I totally said everything you said!!!

I didn't tell him I didn't like it until the very end... and I didn't say it like that... I said

'Actually honey, I was eyeing the little planner, maybe we can go back and exchange this and just get a less expensive gift that I really was tempting to get!'

And I got... No Forget it... I will just return it and you will get nothing attitued...

I was kind of happy when he said that... but I don't want him to be upset...

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Like we all said, I am sure he is just upset at the fact that he went, picked it out and was not expecting your reaction. Let him cool down and I am sure you guys will work it out. Heck, you are going to be husband and wife in 2-days, don't let an LV get in the way of that

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Posted by prinses777

Ok... I am 2 days away from getting married to the love of my life... and I swear to GOD that Dwayne and I just had our FIRST real fight/argument...

Ok... Everyone knows my birthday was yesterday, I told Dwayne 'DO NOT GET ME ANYTHING' b/c we are trying to save for the wedding... Now, I know he was going to get me something... so I then told him 'If you get me something... Make it really small... or make me something!'

What does he do!!?!?!?!?!??!?!

He gets me a NEW LOUIS VUITTON bag and matching Ipod holder...

***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I was nice and told him how much I appreciated it... But I told him that I didn't need it and would really like to return it because we need the money for other things...

HE IS SOOOOOOOOOO UPSET AT ME GIRLS... He was like 'WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ACCEPT A GIFT AND ENJOY SOMETHING'

I said I love the fact that you had your co-workers all come with you to buy it and help you pick it out... and no one else in the world would ever do something like that for me... But we are in a different stage in our life right now and things like this aren't really necessary for me and I just don't need it...

So... Girls... What do I do... I wrote him this entire letter saying how sorry I was and explaining the situation and he hasn't written me back or called me...

***PS... I don't even like the bag... so I can exchange it if he really wants me to keep it... But I think he is also upset that I don't like it... I tried to keep that to myself for as long as I could but after he wouldn't give in to returning I finally just had to tell him that I didn't like it. I mean I love LV just not the style he got me...

HELPPPPPPPPPPP!

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FIRST thing we all gotta learn on this site is that what MEN say and WOMAN say never mean the same thing. We listen to it and interrprut it in different ways. To your FM mayeb he was thinking that he put a lot of time and effort into the gift. He knew that the 2 of you saved and went without the little luxeries to save for your wedding. He may have thought it would be a kind gesture and maybe bring a smile to your face. When he saw your reaction it might have stung him. You on the other hand didnt mean it that way, at the time you knew that the wedding planning cant be called complete until the day is over. You are still on pins and needles. As wonderful as the purchase was it wasnt the right time in your budget for it. On both sides you are both right. With guys and its crazy but they are as sensitive as we are, they just dont to admit it. This really hurt him it seems. You wrote him the letter and that is a good start, you let him know that your intention wasnt to hurt him. The reason he hasnt called or respondes is he needs time to mull over what happened. Why is it you reacted this way. Try this see if it works. leave him to his thoughts and then tonight pull him to the side and let him know that you didnt intent to argue, that feelings got hurt and things were said in anger. You love his gesture of kindness and the effort he put into the gift ( It might have been his wedding gift to you). Let him tell you how he feels and try to respond accordingly without getting mad or defensive. You'll see that maybe you 2 got so angry b/c you are getting married in 2 days and stress can make this worse. I hope all goes well and you 2 make up and have a WONDERFUL wedding day and life there after (sorry this is so long)

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Posted by D's Girl

Like we all said, I am sure he is just upset at the fact that he went, picked it out and was not expecting your reaction. Let him cool down and I am sure you guys will work it out. Heck, you are going to be husband and wife in 2-days, don't let an LV get in the way of that

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Hopefully...

I cannot believe that we are arguing 2 days before... I am baffled... we never argued before.

I can understand your point. Something similar happened to me last year on valentines day. FH bought me a Tiffanys bracelet something that yes was beautiful, but I just didnt need it, nor did I want him spending the money on it.
I thanked him for it, and we had a nice vday dinner. Later on that night I told him maybe we should return the bracelet, because we could use the money towards something else. At first he got upset and then he saw the logic with it so he did end up returning it and instead bought me several things that I needed and wanted and still had money left over.

Later on he told me, he understood what I was saying, and that I was right about the money point of it, but he was a little hurt at first that I was telling him to return it, because he didnt care what he spent he wanted to get me something special and too the time to pick it out etc.
When you talk to him later on just explain how much you love it, but you just didn't want him spending so much money on a gift, and you know how expensive LV bags are.

Do not tell him you don't like it, maybe say something like if you still want me to have a LV gift lets exchange it for something smaller and less expensive.

I hope it works out and congratulations for Saturday and Happy Birthday

Honestly? I understand that you're trying to save, but I think it's a bit rude to tell somebody that you don't like their gift and tell them return it. He obviously bought it out of love, and he tried hard to get you something that would make you happy. If I were him, I'd be pretty hurt and angry as well.

Some things are more important than money, and not hurting the feelings of those we love is one of those things. Telling him not to buy you a gift... come on, you had to know he wasn't going to listen to that! Besides, for all you know maybe he's been doing his own saving and scrimping so that he could get you such an extravagant gift.

I really hope this doesn't sound harsh, and I understand your frustration, but right now I think the most important thing needs to be doing some damage control and soothing his hurt feelings. What to do with the gift should be secondary.

just out of curiosity, this is totally off topic, but... how is it that you're getting married in 2 days? Don't you have an 07 date? Did I miss something?
either way, best of luck, I'm sure it will all work out fine1

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Posted by weddingbunny

Honestly? I understand that you're trying to save, but I think it's a bit rude to tell somebody that you don't like their gift and tell them return it. He obviously bought it out of love, and he tried hard to get you something that would make you happy. If I were him, I'd be pretty hurt and angry as well.

Some things are more important than money, and not hurting the feelings of those we love is one of those things. Telling him not to buy you a gift... come on, you had to know he wasn't going to listen to that! Besides, for all you know maybe he's been doing his own saving and scrimping so that he could get you such an extravagant gift.

I really hope this doesn't sound harsh, and I understand your frustration, but right now I think the most important thing needs to be doing some damage control and soothing his hurt feelings. What to do with the gift should be secondary.

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It wasn't harsh... Just Honest but I need to defend myself a little

I didn't tell him I didn't like it UNTIL the VERY END... and I said that there was something else that I really wanted is it ok to exchange it (that is much less expensive) I am not going to keep a bag that was over $1000 if I don't like it... and then and Ipod thing which I don't even know how much that was...

I think it is more mean just to keep it for the sake of keeping it in the closet.

Also... It wasn't from his savings... It was from OUR savings... I know b/c we have joint savings account and I saw the deduction last night...

Obviously what to do with the gift is not as important as his feelings which is why I am posting... I already wrote him a letter and sent it to him and he didn't call or write back... I live with my FH I just don't know what to do when I get home...

Thanks for your advice... I really want to hear all sides I just wanted to defend myself so I didn't look like a harsh B*I*T*C*H

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Posted by prinses777

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Posted by weddingbunny

Honestly? I understand that you're trying to save, but I think it's a bit rude to tell somebody that you don't like their gift and tell them return it. He obviously bought it out of love, and he tried hard to get you something that would make you happy. If I were him, I'd be pretty hurt and angry as well.

Some things are more important than money, and not hurting the feelings of those we love is one of those things. Telling him not to buy you a gift... come on, you had to know he wasn't going to listen to that! Besides, for all you know maybe he's been doing his own saving and scrimping so that he could get you such an extravagant gift.

I really hope this doesn't sound harsh, and I understand your frustration, but right now I think the most important thing needs to be doing some damage control and soothing his hurt feelings. What to do with the gift should be secondary.

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It wasn't harsh... Just Honest but I need to defend myself a little

I didn't tell him I didn't like it UNTIL the VERY END... and I said that there was something else that I really wanted is it ok to exchange it (that is much less expensive) I am not going to keep a bag that was over $1000 if I don't like it... and then and Ipod thing which I don't even know how much that was...

I think it is more mean just to keep it for the sake of keeping it in the closet.

Also... It wasn't from his savings... It was from OUR savings... I know b/c we have joint savings account and I saw the deduction last night...

Obviously what to do with the gift is not as important as his feelings which is why I am posting... I already wrote him a letter and sent it to him and he didn't call or write back... I live with my FH I just don't know what to do when I get home...

Thanks for your advice... I really want to hear all sides I just wanted to defend myself so I didn't look like a harsh B*I*T*C*H

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you definitely don't look like a harsh b*tch! It was more that I know from experience that sometimes we just get caught up in things, and need a reminder of the bigger picture... that's all I was saying!

Like I said, I totally understand - that's a crapload of money!

I can See where you are coming from! If I didn't like something that my FI spend a lot of $$$ on. I would rather tell him in a nice way then see the money got to waste while the gift sits in my closet! It is so much money and its hard right now saving for the wedding and from some of us a house. He should of respected your wishes from the beginning or got you something small and inexpensive. He ment well though. I am sure you will work everything out and I am sorry girl! Dont stress!!

OK... So FH said he would return it and he is over it... I don't know why I worried... he was just like don't worry about it...

He didn't call me or e mail me back b/c he was in meetings all day... He didn't even read the e mail until just now...

Its like nothing happened... YEAHHHHHHHHHHH

I don't know why I worried... I really didn't know how he was going to react b/c we never really argued like that before... But its like nothing even happened!

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Posted by enjft

Just goes to show you how great Dwayne is!

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I know... He is sitting playing his video games like Whatever... and I was stressing all DAY!

I didn't see this b4..so im sorry i did not respond. I'm Glad all is ok.... I didnt think, based on how you always describe ur relationship that it would be something that dragged out!
Good Luck with everything!!!

aww dont worry renee everything will work out maybe you two have the pre wedding jitters it will all be OK

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Posted by lilqtpie2181

I didn't see this b4..so im sorry i did not respond. I'm Glad all is ok.... I didnt think, based on how you always describe ur relationship that it would be something that dragged out!
Good Luck with everything!!!

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I KNOW RIGHT!!!!!!!! I THINK MAYBE I WAS PMSing... b/c he is just came home like it was nothing... and was like what are we eating for dinner honey.. and I said... here are the take out menus... don't think I am cooking.

HEHHEHEHHE