So Fianace and I have been looking at single family homes and we found a few that we loooove and can afford, the problem is his dad died last january so his mom is alone....he wants her to move in with us when we get the new house (he lives with her now) but for her to have her own seperate apartment.....the houses we are looking at are single family so the apartment would be in the huge basements these homes have. He feels she deserves better than being in the basement,,,, so he just says to me what if she has on of the four bedrooms in our house but has her own kitchen and bath in basement....ok NOOOOOO thats not how a newlywed couple should be living with their mother-in-law right there....or we should get a two family....which he and I both really dont want becuase there will not be enough room and it wont be the house we want....so he says we are going to keep looking until the 3 of us are happy.... my problem is I do not feel this should be a decision made by the 3 of us....its our life we are starting and I am fine with her living in her own seperate part of our house but thats it..... I want us to start our lives....its nice of us to offer her that but then she has to get everything else too...she already had her time to pick her house and where she wanted to live and make a family, now it is my time....am I wrong? I mean she keeps saying' no I dont like that house, or no this no that...it shouldnt be her choice...she is 62years old and healthy and well capable of taking care of herself....so why does she have so much say in our lives....I do not know what to do...i tell fiance but he thinks I am wrong and its his mother and she should have the best along with me....not anymore....its our life now...not the 3 of us...and we were going to make a beautiful apartment for her. Please help me!!!!!
missK
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need honest advice
This is a really hard decision to make. I had my mother living with us for a few months and it was very hard. She was the same way not working and just hanging around the house. She was going thru a very hard time and it was extremely hard on us. When she moved out it was a great releif. (Im sorry to say that but its the truth) It can be trying at times.I agree if you and FH go house shopping do it without her and then bring her in at the end to say this what WE want. On the other hand if she is going to live in your house with you there are benefits. She may be able to help you afford the house you (3) want. If and when you have children you have a built in babysitter. (plus plus plus). Speak to Fh he is probably torn btwn the two of you. It will all work out.
Autumn08
Posted:
Member since
Re: I need honest advice
FHs inlaws are not in the best of health. I figure eventually one or both will be living with us. I even offered to buy a mother/daughter and pretty much do the same thing you FH offered. But if this panned out, it's because 1) his parents are not in good health 2) it's something we both talked about and agreed on.
He still lives with his mother and wants her to move in with him when he moves out? I know it's a touchy situation, but something is a little off about this too me.
You need to both be on the same page. If you are really uncomfortable with this situation you need to make it known. And he should be understanding of your wishes. If this was me, I'd just tell him to stay with his mother.
Now, that's just me. Sometimes I can be a little to stubborn. But you are right. Any decisions should be made by the two of you. If you offer her a room or apartment in your house than she can take it or leave it. But she shouldn't be the one making the decisions for your FH.
