I'm going to try and make a long story short.. One of my friends who i haven't spoken to in over 4 months,for several reasons of which none are good, just got engaged and is having her Eparty on Sept. 23rd. She called me out the blue and asked me to be her MOH!! I had no intentions on having her in my wedding party, but now i feel like i have to say YES to her (she has no else) and have her in my BP.
How awkard is this???? Does everyone agree that i need to put my best foot forward and play the role for her??? and with that i'm guessing i'm iclined to include her, correct??
I honestly don't know what to say! You stumped me with this one.
DC2
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
This is a tough one--did you say yes already or tell her you would think about it? I think I would need to think about it.
Tria1110
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
I would probably accept being her MOH - as long as there wasn't some crazy past - and ask her to be a bridesmaid.
I am an optimist at heart. Maybe you have this experience to share... on the other hand...hate to sound cynical - but there is always time to change your mind if things go awry.
Good Luck!
NYBride2008
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
OMG!! I didn't know what to say.... I completely changed the subject! LMAO!!! I didn't even call her to tell her that we got engaged and then she pulls this crap!!!
I just think it's wierd that she called you out of the blue. I don't think I would do it. Being someones MOH is an honor and a huge responsibility. Your obviously not into this girl so you wouldn't be excited to go dress shopping, pick out dresses, or throw the bridal shower and B party. You can always say that since you are getting married yourself that you have too much to do planning your own wedding and that it wouldn't be fair to her bc you wouldn't be able to fullfill her needs.
Good luck!
NY031978
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
if it was me id think....we havent talked in 4 months yet i get a call to be a MOH? Do you think she asked someone else and you were 2nd choice? maybe she has no friends or family and she feels you are all she has, but id just think 2nd choice if she cant even call you for months on end!? something just looks odd there!!!
snydl40
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
I love this game-Really quick-answer to yourself
Do you want to be her Maid of honor? What did you say honestly? Follow whatever you just said to yourself. You are in no way inclined to have to ask her to be in your wedding-even though she asked you to be in hers.
Jackie&Justin
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
The same thing happened to me. I said yes to her, but I am not having her in my wedding....
NYBride2008
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
Great responses... Thank you all. After some thought At this point ( and i'll probably change my mind again) I think i'm going to accept - she has no one else...... We are getting married almost a year later, so maybe she won't call for a while and i won't include her.... Guess i'm going to have to take her to lunch, kick up my heels and put my MOH hat on!!! yay!! We'll see what my mind changes to later!
snydl40
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Good luck!
October Bliss
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
Without knowing the reasons you haven't spoken in 4 months it's hard to answer the question. I have friends that I go a long time without speaking to, but it's b/c we're no longer in HS and spending hours on the phone, we have jobs and families that are our priorities now. However, when we do speak, it's as if not a day has gone by since we last spoke, and we're able to just pick right up where we left off. One of those friends is in my BP because I couldn't imagine my day without her.
On the other hand, I have a 'former' friend that I haven't spoken to in months that doesn't know I'm getting married in 32 days (she doesn't even know I'm engaged) and if she called me out of the blue with the same thing, not only wouldn't I accept the role of MOH, I wouldn't include her in my wedding (even if the wedding was one year and 32 days away).
I guess what I'm trying to say is evaluate the situation carefully before saying yes or no. Remember you are getting married, and your own wedding is a huge financial burden. If you are 'all' she has, do you have the resources to foot the bill for a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, a dress, shoes, hair, makeup etc???
ssdbk
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
You have no obligation to include her in your party. If you want to be in hers, do it, but only for the right reasons.
I didn't feel obligated to include anyone. One friend of mine jumped the gun and told other people that she was goiing to be my BM. I had never planned to ask her, and I still didn't. I did, at one point, explain to her that I decided only to have people that I've known for a very long time.
If you want, tell your friend straight up that you're sorry but you can't include her in yours. One of my friends had only her sisters in her wedding party. I knew that she came from a family of 4 girls and never expected to be asked to be a BM. Still, I thought it was nice when she came to me and said she was sorry that she could not include friends.
AlmostMrsKelly
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
i think you need to evaluate your 'friendship' with her. why is it that you haven't spoke? if there's some rough history there, i wouldn't accept the role, nor would i ask her to be a part of my wedding. if you just lost touch, and you know she has no one else, and you WANT to accept the role of her MOH... help her and be there for her every step of the way, stand beside her on HER special day, and plan her shower, bachelorette party, etc - if you want to make this time special for her, then do it. but do it for the right reasons. not because you feel you have to or even out of pity. and regardless of what you decide for that, it doesn't have to weigh on your decision on including her in your BP. you could always tell her that you already have your BP sorted out and you're sorry you didn't include her, but it's been a while since you spoke etc
CLMon7906
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
Don't feel bad...You are not 'required' to do her any favors. If the 2 of you were not on good terms this should be easier for you...MOH comes with hefty responsibilities and if you weren't the best of pals recently, I can't say I understand her even asking you [not that i think you're evil or something...but if i didn't speak to someone for 4 months after a fight, they are the last person I'm calling for a favor or to be IN my wedding].
As far as your own wedding, do NOT EVER feel obligated to include ANYONE in the wedding party....that's complete nonsense and it often bites a bride in the well, you know. I felt obligated to include my now SIL.... ...in fact, at some point, nearly all brides who feel they should include the sister[s] of their FH come to a point when they regret it....even if it gets resolved, they regret it at some point. Don't set yourself up for disappointment or possible grief. You should include girls YOU WANT there...not someone who asked you to be in theirs just to return the favor.
Just tell her that you aren't sure you'll have time [with planning your own wedding] to dedicate to hers like she'll need you to do.
rojerono
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
I guess I am a bit confused. By 'none of which are good' do you mean you fought over some petty sh*t and there was no real reason for not talking? Or do you mean they were serious reasons - and not good ones - that caused you to fall apart.
That makes a difference to me. If there are real reasons that you have not been speaking, then 4 months of avoiding each other will not have magically made them disappear. They need to be addressed before you can repair the friendship enough to include each other in the BP. In this case you need to have a long conversation with her. Just the two of you. Go out and have some drinks and talk it over. Figure out if the friendship is still there. That will tell you whether or not you really want her in your BP and will likely let her have some insight into whether or not she really wants you as her MOH.
If they were silly trivial reasons that just led to a 4 month long silent treatment.. but that you really have missed her and want to be her friend again... then be her MOH!
Having said that... I do NOT think that her asking you to be in her BP means that you must have her in yours. If that was the case I would have a BP of 15 girls, and that is NOT happening!
GOOD LUCK!!
sr081906
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
Posted by NYBride2008
Great responses... Thank you all. After some thought At this point ( and i'll probably change my mind again) I think i'm going to accept - she has no one else...... We are getting married almost a year later, so maybe she won't call for a while and i won't include her.... Guess i'm going to have to take her to lunch, kick up my heels and put my MOH hat on!!! yay!! We'll see what my mind changes to later!
I am very confused with your response.
Reasons to be a MOH: - you are excited for her - you are willing to help her (and not a couple of hours every 2 months) - you will support her
So, if I understand you, you are going to agree to be her MOH (which is a HUGE role and should only be between very close people) but you hope she does not talk to you afterwards so you don't have to invite her to your wedding.
That seems extremelly complicated.
There should be no pity in being a MOH. That's not fair to her or you.
Sorry for being so blunt. All my family was OOT and I relied a lot on my MOH but I did not want her to do it out of pity.
kitty1224
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Re: I need opinions - I have an issue
As much as I would not want to do it, I would be in her party, but you do not have to put her in yours.
