Ok, I hate that I am doing this under a fake name, but most of you will know who I am and if not, please feel free to FM me, and I will tell you who I am. I just don't want to publicly rant about this under my usual name. Family stuff is best kept hush, hush, y'know? Ok, so here's why I am so upset. I have been engaged for over a year now. FH and I have had our hall booked for a year. My sister recently got engaged and now is planning on having her wedding TWO months before mine. FH and I are so upset, and when we approached her about this, she BLEW up at us, telling us that there was NO other time for her to get married. Which is BS. She also claims that we 'stole' her summer to get married. WTF?!?!?! I just don't know what to do. It's not fair to our guests to have two weddings for the same family in two months. My parents, who are paying for most of both our weddings, want nothing to do with the debate. They don't care. A vendor recently said to my mother, 'Oh my god, that is very inconsiderate of you to have two weddings so close together. Your guests will very likely be upset.' So I know it's not just me who thinks this. My sister just continues to scream and be incredibly awful towards me with this whole situation. I'm just so upset. Ok, that is my vent for now. Thanks for listening. And has anyone gone through this? I just don't know what to do. She hasn't booked her hall yet, but she is going to look around soon.
Also, please don't be offended if I delete this soon, I think she reads these boards. Thanks, ladies
OhLord,Yes,I'mHiding
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
Interestingly enough, my mother just called me to say, 'Your father and I think your sister should get married after you. And I don't want to talk about it anymore.' What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm so upset.
palebride
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
So sorry - i think it is a little inconsiderate of her to do this to you - can you sit down and explain to her why this will be difficult for everyone involed...including her??? Is she younger? Just wondering!
palebride
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
Well, if your parents are paying fr both weddings and they agree with you - i think they need to put their foot down and speak to her about this! I think she's being a little selfish and unreasonable!
OhLord,Yes,I'mHiding
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
I tried explaining today to her why it would be tough, ie:we are eachothers MOH and it will be hard to be making final payments to vendors, plus throw showers, and that guests will have to shell out the money for both parties(I'm having a black tie wedding, so tuxes will need to be rented, etc...). She just got madder and freaked on me. Oh, and she is older.
nferrandi
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
I think your feelings are totally understandable, unfortunately you can't MAKE your sister change her date, or her attitude. My FH brother got engaged last night and I would be furious if they tried to plan their wedding before mine. My FH and I kind of did this to one of his friends, but it truely wasn't intentional. He got enaged a couple of weeks before us and they picked their date. When we found The Crescent we knew it was for us and the only fall date they had available was the week before FH friends wedding. I feel kind of ****** about it, but it was unavoidable. FH friend actually told him just last night that he's upset about it and that he had intentions to ask FH to be part of his BP, but we won't even be going to his wedding, we'll be on our HM.
palebride
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
maybe it's an older sister type thing - where she feels she should be married first.... but it doesn't seem to make sense to inconvenience everyone so she can be the first one married! maybe wait a little while - if she's only recently gotten engaged, maybe she doesn't realize how much is involved and that more time is a better thing when planning a wedding! and that money s tight when it comes closer to the wedding tell her you cant get her a good weddign gift 2 weeks before your wedding!
OhLord,Yes,I'mHiding
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
It's just upsetting because I know her main intention was to get married before me. How do I know this? Because for an ENTIRE YEAR that I was engaged, all she would say was, 'Well, I'll be married before you anyway.' I mean, give me a break. GROW UP. I know I can't MAKE her pick a later or earlier date, but she's just being so MEAN about it. She keeps putting FH and I down for having such a long engagement and saying that she doesn't NEED all that time because 'some people don't need elaborate weddings that take two years to plan.' We waited so we could save money, NO other reason. I don't know. This is just getting so ugly And my parents don't want to get involved. They are just giving us money, and the rest is up to us.
xjulietx
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
Maybe she won't want an elaborate wedding and she and her FH will have a quiet affair that won't cost a lot or demand a lot of time. Maybe you should convince her to have a destination wedding!
palebride
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
i dont' think there's anything you can do to change her mind i think her mind was made up long before any of this even happened i guess all you can do now is deal with it and hope that she realized how incredibly obnoxious she's being....and enjoy planning your wedding
peabody
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
This is a weird question and kinda has nothing to do w/ the what you are asking, but is she in your BP? And you in hers?
Also, sounds like you two are not close. I can understand, because neither am I with my sister.
OhLord,Yes,I'mHiding
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
She's my MOH and I am her's and before this whole wedding dilema, we were incredibly close. She is my bestfriend, and I really don't want this to come between us, but I can see that is has already Oh, and they are planning a huge 200 person wedding.
larryswife2be
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
I think your sister has the mentality that she's older she should be married first, which is a bunch of bull. Why one earth would she want to get married so soon. She just recently got engaged, does she know all the planning that it is involved. I strongly believe that that is thr primary reason why she wants to marry before you. I'm sure you guys can work something out.
OhLord,Yes,I'mHiding
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
Thank you everyone for responding. I reallly appreciate it. My mom seems to believe that A)she will not find a hall for the date that she wants and B)she really has no clue what goes into a wedding. She thinks my sister will change her mind when she starts to seriously plan. I guess we'll see.
bridejune04
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
I'm going through the same thing. I at the time was engaged fro a year and 2 months, when my brother decided to get engaged. And low and behold not only are they getting married the same year as myself, but 2 months to the day after our wedding. I am not very happy with the whole situation.
NovemberSue
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
Sounds to me like your sister is jealous. She wants to make sure she gets married first. I think its very selfish of her to do this. Its not fair to you, your family and the guests. Sounds like she is very stubborn. I would just try not to talk about it any more. Hopefully once she starts planning, she will change her mind about the date. Good luck.
peabody
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
Really, she is your MOH and you are hers.
My sister is a BM and she was hurt that I didn't ask her to be my MOH, and I and my mom and my FI were SHOCKED at her reaction.
I am surprised that you 2 are so close and this is happening. Is she older than you?
My only suggestion is to take some time and then re-approach the siutuation by talking to her. If you 2 are close I am sure you 2 can work this work. My sister and I are not close, but we worked things out. I had to give her time to accept my decision.
I do know how you feel regarding to the shock of her behavior. It's weird when you think you know how someone who you love is going to react and then she reacts so differently than what you expected.
OhLord,Yes,I'mHiding
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
I would be more than thrilled if she were to get married even 4 months before me, but I just think two is way too close. I even offered her MY wedding money so she can get married THIS year, since my parents have been saving for my wedding, but not her's yet.
JimmysBride
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
You know, this really sucks!!! And I am sorry it is happening to BOTH of you. To be honest, I can understand why she wants to be married first -- since she is older but that doesn't excuse her behavior about this whole thing.
Honestly, I feel that she should be married first -- but NOT TWO MONTHS BEFORE!!! That's WAY too close. If she is so determined to be married first, she should have a simpler affair (since she claims she doesn't need all that time to plan or have an 'elaborate' wedding) and do it a MINIMUM of FOUR months before yours!! If that's too soon then she should wait for 4 months after -- that's JMO.
The problem is she guaranteeing that BOTH of you are getting screwed on your wedding -- gifts, attendants, MOH support, guests, showers, bachelorette parties etc etc ... it's just TOO much money too soon for people to spend. Plus with both of you being each other's MOH's you are both going to SUCK at it!! LOL!! You will both have too much going on with your own weddings that you won't be able to devote the deserved amount of attention to each other's weddings.
I don't blame your parents for not wanting to get involved, it wouldn't help anyway because in the end you will do what YOU want and she will do what SHE wants.
You have to try to talk to her and make her see that the weddings are too close together. But don't try and talk her into getting married after you -- it won't work. As the younger sibling, I PERSONALLY, would clear the way for her to go first, but like I said there has to be a longer gap. But it would be RIDICULOUS of her to expect you to change your plans since they have been in the works longer.
Well that's my very long 2 cents. JMO and I really wish luck with this because it really stinks!!!
LIJuneBride
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Re: I need some advice and I need to vent.....
I can understand why you are upset. Trying to look at it from a different perspective... you say she's older than you but you don't give her age. I know that I did not want to wait too long after being engaged to get married because I want to have a family and I am at an age where I don't have time to waste. I don't know if that figures in the equation at all. And as you said, there might be the problem of her actually being able to book all the vendors she wants and maybe she will reconsider. If you are close as you say, maybe you can look at this as a good thing - you can help each other plan much as we do here on LIW.
As far as the weddings being two months apart, I honestly don't think that is a huge problem. I had the same situation in my family with my brothers - one was like you, engaged for a long time before getting married. The other got engaged after him, and they got married ONE month apart. The family still came and did not have a problem with it.
