I need some advice and I need to vent.....

I'm so sorry, and I agree with you about all points. It will be very tough on guests for showers and weddings so close together, and also tough on YOU since you are her MOH and will be planning her shower and all of the other expenses right before your wedding!!

FM

FM 2nd-time-around!

What I don't understand, is that if your parents are paying for a portion of both of your weddings, why they don't tell your sister that it isn't right for the guests and they will not give her the $. I think it's very selfish of her..

We got married 2 months before DH's brother- but I didn't think it was that big of a deal because he has a very small family and there are only 10 of them. But if you have a big family and friends, than that's messed up.. not just for the wedding, but for the shower too.

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Posted by Sassyz75

What I don't understand, is that if your parents are paying for a portion of both of your weddings, why they don't tell your sister that it isn't right for the guests and they will not give her the $. I think it's very selfish of her..

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I totally agree!!!

I know it sounds impossible but you can't worry about things that you have no control over. I would continue planning your wedding as if your sister had not made this announcement and let the burden of inconvieniencing your family and friends fall on her. Good luck!

I am sorry that your sister is being so inconsiderate!! Hopefully she comes to her senses!

This happened to my cousins! 3 of them! They are all about a year and a half apart in age! The middle one got engaged then the younger one got engaged! Everyone was expecting this to happen! THey set their dates and then about 6months later the older one gets engaged and plans her wedding a few short months before teh first of her siblings! She did this simply because she wanted to be the first because she is the oldest!

I will say that our family went to all events but by the last one it was kinda like come on already with this family!!!

I can't offer any advice, just wanted to say I'm sorrry your sister is putting you through this stress!

I was married this past August here in New York. I have a brother who was married in New Hampshire in June. He was actually engaged just before me but I am 6 years older. His wedding was outside (summertime) and I didn't want to wait another year to get married (also wanted warm weather) so we bothe decided to get married last summer. Both of us were fine with the arrangements as were the rest of our family. I worried at the beginning but then realized we were both happy and that's what mattered. It turned out that some of our out of town cousins went to his wedding and didn't come to ours but some of our NY guests came to ours and not his. In the end we got to see everyone from near and far and had two extremely happy occasions in one fun filled summer.

We really had no problems with having two weddings in one summer

From what you're saying, it sounds as though she is going to do whatever it takes to get married first. Maybe you could suggest to her to go into halls and ask if there is anything available for this year? She might be able to get a really good price, and this way there will be space between your weddings.
If I were you though, I would send save the dates, and don't mention them to her. This way guests will get your save the date, actually save your date, and when they get her invitation, they can decide if they want to go to your wedding, her wedding or both.
One more thing, those who really matter to you will be there no matter what. Try not to stress it. I know, easy for me to say....I'd be ready to KILL my sister if she tried to pull this on me.

I totally understand where you are coming from, I have been engaged for a year now as well and booked my wedding almost a year ago and my sister started dating an old friend in july, got engaged in october and then booked her wedding at the same place as mine, luckily after my wedding, but wait, she decided to buy a house and cancelled the big wedding at cresthollow and decided to have a small ceremony before mine.

Sister's sometime's can be jealous so they feel they have to do better or bigger or just compete somehow, trust me you are not the only one in this boat, but I guess the only thing to do is hope in the long run she will do the right thing.

I wish you the best of luck!!

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Posted by OhLord,Yes,I'mHiding

I tried explaining today to her why it would be tough, ie:we are eachothers MOH and it will be hard to be making final payments to vendors, plus throw showers, and that guests will have to shell out the money for both parties(I'm having a black tie wedding, so tuxes will need to be rented, etc...). She just got madder and freaked on me. Oh, and she is older.

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There you go. It's a contest to her. 'I'm older therefore I need to marry before you'.

Very selfish.

Talk to your parents (not yell, talk) and see if they can talk to your sister. I mean if they are paying for it they can say 'listen we looked at our finances and it would be easier if you got married after your sister'. No one and I mean NO ONE is going to give a sh*t that she's getting married 2nd. But they might feel a bit miffed that she needs to have it so close to yours - I mean if they are family then they'll go to both but it's alot of money especially live out of town.

Good luck I hope it works. I've been having problems (non wedding related) with my sister/MOH and it's gotten very stressful so I know a bit how you feel.

I can relate...sort of. For my cousin's e-party she registered. We didn't know her date- she put the same date as mine. So she changed it for 6 days before mine. That side of the family is small, but still why did she have to do it so close to me.
THe other side of it is, my sister got married 16 months before me. I had already planned my wedding. We just couldn't afford to do it before her. My mom kept telling me to move my date up 1 year, which would put it 4 months after hers. I thought that was still too close so we kept our date.
Bottom line, you sister should change her date. If she doesn't, here's a little story for you to think about....
I think this was a dear abbey or something like that. Basically the in-laws didn't get along. It turns out both mothers got the same exact dress. The MOB was very upset (and spitefull) so she wore the dress to the rehearsal dinner and then the MOG looked really stupid in the same dress the next day. The MOB got another, more fancy dress to wear to the wedding.
Wouldn't it be unfortunate if you had to wear your wedding dress to your sisters wedding because you 'didn't have anything else to wear'?

I was in such a similar situation except I was the older sister and I chose to wait until after my brother's wedding although it was not my preference. I totally see both sides here. What I can tell you is me and my brother got married 2.5 months apart (him in early August and me in late October) and I don't thik it made my wedding day or his any less special. My family was very accepting of the time frame and everything worked out with the showers and such. I know it is hard to swallow at first - but it will work out and you will both have happy and special days!!!!!!!! (But our parents did not pay for eiather wedding we paid for our weddings pretty much 100% ourselves but it was still a financial burden with gifts and such and time on the families!). It was one big happy year for our family.

My brother had a long engagement (2.5+ years). He took over a year before he even booked a date and DH and I had been together over 6 years and are 2-3 years older than my brother and wanted to get married and weren't sure how to approach it but at the same time- whow long do you wait. But we were waiting for them to set the date. I always told DH - we should really wait until after my brother - I would feel awful to go first. But I also wanted less than a year engagement because I had a lot of plans going on in my head on my life and its direction and so did DH. Well DH proposed and my brother had set his date maybe a month before that for about a year and half after our engagment date. So now to wait after him - I would have about a 2 year engagement -something that I never ever wanted (we had all the money saved and were ready to go!). So I approached my brother about going first - I was willing to have less than a year engagement thus putting our weddings 6 months apart and this upset my brother and his wife. I have to say - many people told me I was crazy to wait but to keep peace I did but went 2 months after him (I had year and about 8 mo. enagement - yuck!). It kept peace but it was tough for me and I did cry for about the first few weeks about it. Also, I wasn't happy about havinga late fall wedding - I wanted a spring or summer wedding because summer is my favorite season and I had the cold of late October - but I dealt with it not to have a 2+ year engagement. In the end it was fine. I had a wonderful wedding and family supported both weddings and showers and such. My parents were in heaven enjoying ther children's weddings. It was a nice time. Plus my brother and I used a lot of the same vendors and were able to get some deals on that alone.

FM me if you need some more support!