I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

shamma Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:04 AM

I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

I love the people that are around me and I love that they care enough to ask. But it is becoming quite overbearing now, everywhere, everyday, people are asking me when are we getting pregnant, or aren't you pregnant yet??

I don't ask anyone their personal business why do they feel the need to ask me this. I am getting so frustrated with it. Imagine if we were having difficulties or we were unsuccessful after many tries, are these people even thinking?

I love my church members, but they too are becoming overbearing. The place where I get my breakfast in the am, the first thing the girl greeted me with this am is, aren't you pregnant yet?? Hello that is none of your business. Only for the grace of God this am that I held my tongue.

So ladies, I need ideas of what to tell these people w/o being disrespectful, that I want them to stop asking me that and leave me the heck alone.

Thanks, I needed to vent about this.

michele31 Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:08 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

Why not say 'How do you know that we are not having trouble and that this question is very hurtful?' and walk away.....

You can also try 'I promise to let you know when and if God blessed us but this is a very personal decision and it is between my husband and myself'

'Step off and worry about your own $ex life'

I NEVER ask this question because no one knows if someone is even able to have a child or perhaps has had miscarriages etc...It is very hurtful and rude IMO.

JennRenee Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:14 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

One of my responses to 'Aren't you pregnant yet?' was 'No, are you?'

That usually got the point across...

jenny11.9 Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:15 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

This is a tough one. The first thing to keep in mind is they care so much because they love you and Roger and cannot wait to indulge in the cuteness of your inevitable offspring!

That said...I think the best route is ...'oh dear...everybody is asking me that... I promise you'll be the first of many to know when I am lucky enough to share that news!' Big smile, pat on the hand and exit stage left.

Sometimes you have to set up boundaries. I know your nature is SO kind, and that is why people feel the freedoms they feel with you. I have a notion though that if you somehow express that the question is coming at you from all directions you might find the more conscientious ones will kindly take a step back.

Some won't. These will be the same ones that openly explain hemorrhoids, tell you all the weight is going to your butt so it 'must be a girl', and lift up your shirt in a restaurant so they can touch your belly.

Oh yes...there are ALL kinds Shamma my dear. ALL kinds!

shamma Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:16 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

Jen and Michele, I love em, I so going to try them, let's see what they say and how they feel, gosh darnit

shamma Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:17 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

Jenny, I love you girl, you are too much, but you are right, they come in every shape and form.

jennbaby Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:20 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

Some people just do not think

anna Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:39 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

you got lots of great ideas to go by SHamma, choose your mood of the day, and answer as you please, hey they seem to ASK as they please right?

Jenny11.9, I LOVE your replies. you have a way with words!

NovemberSue Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:44 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

People can be very rude. I don't think they realize that its very hurtful to some people who may be ttc.

Olgaki Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:48 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

Shamma llama ding dong - let me ask you a question. I've never been told I'm being rude, but with some closer friends and family, I ask once or twice when are you guys planning on having children. I never thought that I would be hurting their feelings by asking once - but then again I never thought that they would know before getting married if there were problems. I don't ask random people who tell me they are getting married. Would a question like that offend you or not? This way i know not to ask others!

NovemberSue Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:48 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

Edited this because the person who said something rude to me lurks here sometimes.

NovemberSue Posted: Sep 17, 2003 11:50 AM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

Olgaki: With close friends I've also asked when they planned on having children. I think thats different than asking a stranger all the time not knowing if they are trying or if they may be having a bit of trouble or perhaps if they unfortunately miscarried.

phyl Posted: Sep 17, 2003 12:19 PM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

I think Jenny said it best...I would prob answer it a bit simliarily..but say 'Gee, isn't that way too personal a question to ask??? When it's time- everyone will know..' and give them a dumb smile.

..or ' Gee I know that everyone MEANS well...but that is such a personal question..I mean, heehee..do I go around and ask when is the last time they had sex with THEIR spouse??? gee, sigh, we we have news to tell we will'..and smile and walk away.

stacedz Posted: Sep 17, 2003 12:20 PM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

Anyone who outright asks 'aren't you pregnant yet?' is someone who hasn't gone through trying and not having successful results OR has never seen a friend go through the hard times of TTC. I like Jenny's and Jenn's responses, those should help put someone in their place.

A girl I work with was in a meeting and someone said to her 'you look pretty today, could it be that you are pregnant?' I was like, how the h e l l does she know that she isn't having difficulties TTC?!?! MORON!

michele31 Posted: Sep 17, 2003 12:26 PM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

I have seen a friend go thru TTC and it is very hurtful when people would ask her 'so, when are you going to start a family' because the truth is she wanted one sooo badly and yet, it was just not happening.
It is a PRIVATE topic. Now, if your best friend asks you, that is a bit different but normally your best friend knows what is going on with your life anyway.

I never ask when people are getting married, or having a baby.

MichelleW Posted: Sep 17, 2003 12:28 PM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

Shamma,

I think they 'probably' mean well at heart but it is my experience that people never really THINK that there could be a problem TTC.

One of Steve's cousins recently said at a get together you've been married almost 3 years when are you going to have a baby.. I almost died My response 'we're working on it'

Teri Posted: Sep 17, 2003 12:29 PM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

I can only imagine how hurtful that would be to someone really TTC. I was starting to have family members as me this and it was only becuase I dropped a few hints that we didn't want to wait too long.

I learned the hard way that I shouldn't tell anyone of our plans. When we do TTC, I'll only be telling me closest friends and family. Everyone else will be surprised if/when we're lucky enough to get pregnant

shamma Posted: Sep 17, 2003 12:40 PM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

Olgaki, my close friends don't ask this, b/c they already know, if I wanted the world to know, I would have taken out an ad or a billboard or something. I am talking about people I meet in the elevator, people where I get my breakfast. Yes I am close to my church family, but things like touching my belly when I wear a loos fitting dress, and constantly harping on it and calling others attention to agree with them, can be too much.

I know people are not trying to be mean or hurtful, but I do want it to stop, so I will use the answers above to minimize the questions.

MicheleW

And what is up with the # of yrs married and conception Infamous, you are married a year already what are you waiting on?? does that gurantee longevity, that I have passed the one year mark?? Do you know if we are struggling to hold our marriage together and that a baby right now would not help. Just don't ask me

I never ask people when are you getting married or when are you having a baby. If I am close to the person, I already know their plans and I don't harrass them week after week about it.

bride082003 Posted: Sep 17, 2003 01:49 PM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

I just wanted to chime in: we've been married 4 months and get this question atleast once every 1-2 weeks

Olgaki Posted: Sep 17, 2003 01:55 PM

Re: I NEED SOME GOOD ANSWERS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE ME ALONE

thanks girls! I didn't want to be insensitive!

Shamma - I know you wear a lot of hats how about a hat that says 'If you as me when I'm going to have kids, I'll knock you out. THank you'