I need your help about a bridesmaid

I think you need to call fbil girlfriend and be honest with her. Explain to her that you don't feel like you are very close anymore and are just not very comfortable having her in your wedding anymore. Be polite and tactful, but be honest. I think if you make up a story about not being able to afford having her in the wedding anymore and then have your cousin it in it will just make it worse and she will probably know you are lying.

As for fh and his brother, I think he should try talking to him first and asking why his outlook for your wedding is so bad. If his brother is really against you two getting married that maybe fh should ask him if he even wants to be a part of the wedding. For all you know he may be looking for a way out of it.
Dealing with family is very touchy. So feel his brother out. You don't want to start a major argument.

---

Posted by troutster

I think you need to call fbil girlfriend and be honest with her. Explain to her that you don't feel like you are very close anymore and are just not very comfortable having her in your wedding anymore. Be polite and tactful, but be honest. I think if you make up a story about not being able to afford having her in the wedding anymore and then have your cousin it in it will just make it worse and she will probably know you are lying.

As for fh and his brother, I think he should try talking to him first and asking why his outlook for your wedding is so bad. If his brother is really against you two getting married that maybe fh should ask him if he even wants to be a part of the wedding. For all you know he may be looking for a way out of it.
Dealing with family is very touchy. So feel his brother out. You don't want to start a major argument.

---

I agree. Who even knows if your BIL will marry her? If he doesnt then you might not even be in touch with her and she will have taken such a big role in ur wedding. Honestly I wouldn't have someone in my wedding unless they were a close friend for years or family. People come and go. I would tell her how u feel and I wouldnt even have her do a reading. IMO she isnt worthy enough. These honors should be reserved for the most special people in ur life and she clearly doesnt fit that description.

---

Posted by bridetobe



I agree. Who even knows if your BIL will marry her? If he doesnt then you might not even be in touch with her and she will have taken such a big role in ur wedding. Honestly I wouldn't have someone in my wedding unless they were a close friend for years or family. People come and go. I would tell her how u feel and I wouldnt even have her do a reading. IMO she isnt worthy enough. These honors should be reserved for the most special people in ur life and she clearly doesnt fit that description.

---

I couldn't have said it better!!
Oh and becare with people u are close to also. I know of many people who have had trouble with people that were close with. It is odd seems to bring out different sides of people. Just something to keep in mind.

FBIL is not against FH and I getting married...he is against marriage all together, as is his GF. They both do not like marriage in the general terms and do not want to get married themselves...ever. They do not want children either. They think the perfect situation is to live together and have dogs. Which is fine, but the way they talk down marriage to everyone makes me uncomfortable personally.

FBIL and FH had a bad childhood and have not had the perfect model of marriage for them.

That aside, FBIL's GF and I have not spoken since october of last year (on the phone). For arguements sake, she does not know how many BM's I have and it would not really be a lie. I would rather have her be in the wedding then have to go through this. I am wondering if there would be more hostility with telling her that the relationship has changed and she is not worthy of the honor (not those words exactly, but you know what I mean). It's a very delicate situation because of the way the relationships are.

FBIL is not against us getting married he just thinks marriage is a bad thing that messes up relationships. He disapproves of everything FH does or tries to do...like going to school and getting on the police force. I know that may sound strange, but you have to understand the type of negativity that is in this household. On the contrary I think if FH tires to demote FBIL there will be this huge arguement. We are both caught between trying to keep the peace and doing what we want. I am not sure if I would feel comfortable enough to tell FBIL's GF this...which makes me even more certain that she should not be up there. Trust me the relationship was not always like that. However, if I do FMIL will make this a whole family issue and I don't need that type of stress.

---

Posted by nov04LIbride

I'll be in the minority here and say you asked her, so it is time to s u c k it up and have her in it. That is one of the reasons why people don't ask the BP in advance, and I don't know why you initially asked her over your cousin, but to me it is a mistake you have to live with.

---

Sorry I have to disagree. This is your wedding day and you shouldn't have to suck anything up. This day is way too important to have people around who don't feel the same way.

---

Posted by bridetobe

---

Posted by nov04LIbride

I'll be in the minority here and say you asked her, so it is time to s u c k it up and have her in it. That is one of the reasons why people don't ask the BP in advance, and I don't know why you initially asked her over your cousin, but to me it is a mistake you have to live with.

---

Sorry I have to disagree. This is your wedding day and you shouldn't have to suck anything up. This day is way too important to have people around who don't feel the same way.

---

I just don't understand why someone would ask a girlfriend of the FBIL 2 years before the wedding (year and a half?) over your cousin if you always had a good relationship with her. I mean, the FBIL could break up with the girlfriend within 2 years. It's important, yes, but I don't think being a bride gives anyone the right to jerk people around. In everyday life you couldn't ask someone something huge and then 7 months later say, 'You know what? Just kidding. There's someone else I like more.' What a slap in the face. Anyway, if you do decide to uninvite her, be prepared for her never to talk to you again. If anyone ever did that to me I know I wouldn't.

Wow guys chill! First of all my cousin and I have gotten closer as time has gone on. On the other hand, I am not saying because I am the bride that gives me the right to jerk people around. I am on a very limited budget. At the time his GF was like an unofficial sister-in-law. Things happen...things can happen 2 months before the wedding! I am not planning on making any changes (nor is FH) until the time is right...that is until I start doing things w/ the bridal party. Let me ask you...if all of a sudden a relationship went sour, you mean to tell me you would just deal with anyway...even though that person disrespects you and FH? Planning had to be made in advance because of the other changes in FH and my lives. This summer I have to complete most of the wedding planning...yes a year and advance. When graduate school starts I will have little time for anything else and FH will be starting a new job and will be in the police academy. WE don't have a lot of time. I had no problem asking my cousin to be in in the 1st place, and that was my plan all along, but I realize I can not afford 6 BM's...I am already over my budget now. I hear about girls running into this problem all the time. I understand you don't know the entire scope of the problem, but trust me if you were in my shoes, your view may change.

ETA: I am not trying to be mean. I realize I made a mistake and I take responsibility for that. I am far from one of those types of people that messes w/ people's feelings. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I am human and am entitled to make mistakes from time to time.