Brides Helping Brides ™ - I really do not like FH right now...

coldasice217 Posted: Nov 11, 2008 08:46 PM

I really do not like FH right now...

I suppose I'm obligated to always love him, but right now i REALLY do not like him.

I've been under a super amount of stress lately at work and with the wedding, plus I wasn't too well for a while, and after being OK for a few weeks, I think it's coming back. It was a lot for me to take, so I ended up having a meltdown last week, on our anniversary of all nights. Basically, through my tears, I told FH that I just can't do it all by myself and I really need his help. He PROMISED me he would help, and all I did was ask him set up our DJ appointments for me because I don't have the time at work right now to be doing planning. I repeat, he PROMISED he would.

Well, all I did tonight, after he sent me about 5 stupid you tubes, was say if you're going to you tube all night, could you at least try to do something productive for the wedding? Then he proceeded to have a s-fit that I nag him, I'm a pain in the @ss, I'm crazy, among other things, and that he would make the DJ appointments 'when he sees fit'. So now it's turning into the whole photographer thing all over again. I said that when I asked him to help me, I meant to help me now, not to help me in 3 months from now when he finally deems it acceptable to look at DJs.

This is getting ridiculous at this point. He says that I think he's an idiot and that I don't trust him to do anything himself. I say that he hasn't given me any reason TO trust him to do anything himself yet, and when he does then I will. Apparently my 'nagging' causes him to go slower out of spite, and also is the reason why he proposed to me a year later than he was thinking of doing it. Really mature. His Cartman-esque 'FU, I'll do what I want' attitute is REALLY starting to piss me off. I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm underpaid, and I'm SICK, and all I did was ask for help, and he can't even do that if it's not on 'his terms'

I am starting to think that we're going to have a troubled marriage. If he flips a **** every time I bring up the wedding, I can only imagine what it's going to be like when it's time to start looking for a place to live. My parents told me today I'm getting thrown out of the house the day of the wedding, but FH doesn't intend on starting to look for places to live until Sept. I guess he doesn't give an eff that I'm going to be homeless either.

Sorry...I just really needed to vent.

CNC4eva3402 Posted: Nov 11, 2008 09:09 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

It sounds like the stress is starting to get to the both of you. Sometimes when men think about the wedding date and see that its MONTHS away they don't 'get' the urgency to book right away. I'm sure you've told him how important it is to get this stuff done earlier these days but maybe he needs a little reminder? Stress can cause us to say things we don't mean..maybe take a breather and drop it for a few days and then tell him again how much you need him to pitch in a little. Good luck!

Im a Pepper Posted: Nov 11, 2008 09:27 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

Aww! That sounds really frustrating. I think men can be completely oblivious sometimes... especially when it comes to wedding stuff. I hope you guys can talk this out and come to some agreement about how much he should be contributing to wedding planning.

megsher Posted: Nov 11, 2008 09:29 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

I agree with pp. I freaked out yesterday b/c it was 250 days to the wedding and fh thought I was crazy. He sees that as tons of time, and feels no rush of deadlines.

Jennmolloy Posted: Nov 11, 2008 09:39 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

I am sorry that you are having a crappy day.

debzy Posted: Nov 11, 2008 09:41 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

I'm sorry you're going through this. I think all relationships go through this hard time during the planning. My FH hasn't really done much but show up at a few appts and he thinks he's contributing. They don't understand what we go through and how we feel that the wedding is a direct reflection on us.

All I can say is take a deep breath and let it go until tomorrow. Everything will get done.

MrsBtobe2009 Posted: Nov 11, 2008 09:46 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

It must be something in the air because FH and I fought tonight so bad, I packed a suitcase and was going to go to my gmas. lol I probably never wouldve left but it looked good. :) I know we fight because we are both really stressed out. We have been sick a lot lately and the wedding money is stressing us too. I think everyone goes through this and i am sure things will be ok. Try to sit him down and explain to him how you are feeling without yelling at eachother. I know that is my biggest problem. I start conversations with a nasty tone in my voice, so we always end up yelling. I would just try to explain how u feel. HTH good luck

gina409 Posted: Nov 11, 2008 09:47 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

im so sorry u r having a bad day..i think sometimes the boys just see the wedding as so far away and dont see the need to rush to book things.im sure he will get a move on it and if he really does not then u should try to do it but slowly take one thing at a time and if u do not want to add another thing on the leave it to him and hope for the best .im sure the stress is getting to both of u and it will pass..just remember u got engaged for a reason and he loves u very much and all this planning and stress pays off in the end.if this is not helpful then i always go back to a good talk with fh..no yelling no blaming just a good talk to explain how u feel it cant hurt..hth

Mich2585 Posted: Nov 11, 2008 10:01 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

i agree with what all the girls are saying ... FH didnt want to look at different vendors ... when he found one DJ he liked, he didnt want to look at any other ones! He thought we could just go to one place and book without shopping around. MEN haha. Umm he did come with me to book all the major vendors (except the florist which i understand) butttt now we need to register (or should i say i started our registry) and he just doesnt understand why he needs to come with me since he doesnt care about what kind of plates we eat off of. Honestly, sometimes its just not worth a fight. im glad that he came with me to all the DJ's, catering halls, and photographers. I am backing off tho with this whole registery thing because its just not worth a fight. so tonight i told him i was going to go by myself at night and he freaked out and promised he would go with me this weekend. I think when i lay off he seems to want to be more involved where as when im always in his face about it he freaks out.

WishfulRinne Posted: Nov 11, 2008 10:07 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

Boy do I know how you feel. Fh told me today the big wedding idea was too expensive and he couldnt pay for it. This was after all the planning I have been doing...research, budgeting my behind off, saving, going to appt. after appt., trying to find the cheapest vendor...while he does nothing. I went a little crazy myself. We took a break and talked later on and he said he was sorry. That is what you guys both need. Take a break to yourselves and talk about how eachother is feeling. MEN will never know the seriousness of booking vendors but you still have some time so dont worry. I am sure you guys will be fine. Wedding planning is way more stressful then i could have ever imagined. And you need to take care of yourself too. Get better and relax. Things will get done somehow. Sorry so long HTH

MaggieLuvsJoe Posted: Nov 11, 2008 10:13 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

it's definitely a man thing. Today I told FH I wanted to register for pre-cana and book our honeymoon, he said we have 8 months to book the honeymoon....ummm dur we're getting married in 7.5 months I flipped out bc I have so many other things to do I want to get these little BS things outta the way...So i dedcided to give him a reality check and show him a list I made of all the things I need to do month by month....he looked at me and said 'Oh! if you want u can book the honeymoon now' I said nope that's ur job now F-it, I'm not wasting my time anymore.

I'll end up booking the HM myself anyway

Sweeteey51 Posted: Nov 11, 2008 10:38 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

I wouldnt nag too much bout the DJ because you have time. But the house thing, Sept? thats too late to start looking.

missjones2007 Posted: Nov 11, 2008 10:43 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

they really dont understand that wedding planning takes time and cannot be rushed...my FH the same way 5 more months and he talkin that plenty of time speech

coldasice217 Posted: Nov 11, 2008 10:50 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

Thanks girls...

after some exercise and a hot shower, I decided to attempt to talk to him again. He's still being really belligerent, but we've decided that he can do the DJ whenever his little pea brain desires, and I'll take care of the flowers on my own.

To which he replied, 'I still want to be involved in the flowers somewhat, at least with cost'. After arguing about going low bid, he said that we should just buy a bunch of the red kitchen aid mixers I love so much, use those as the centerpieces, and fill the bowl with pinecones and glitter because 'it's basically the same price and people will actually be able to take the CPs home then'.

geegee827 Posted: Nov 11, 2008 11:51 PM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

They just don't get it sometimes! You have to pick your battles. This is a very stressful time in everyone's relationship. Step back, take a deep breath and then rip him a new one

Seriously, I know with my FH the more I nag, the more childish he gets. So I have resorted to using the dog training method. I ask him to do something and then when he does it, I reward him. For example, we have a standing fight about making the bed. I like it made every morning, he couldn't care less. On the days when I have to go to work and he has off, I ask him very nicely before I leave for work to make the bed. I only ask once. Then I leave. If the bed is made when I get home, I tell him he's the best FH in the world and I love him so much because he made the bed! Now, he pretty much remembers on his own (most days). Is it stupid? Yes! Is it pathetic that I have to resort to this? ABSOLUTELY! But that's how men are, and this isn't a young man, he's a 41 year old grown up. It's all in the training.

Hang in there, don't let it stress you out too much and choose your battles so it doesn't totally eat you up.

Give him a list of things to do and then you have to just let him do it in his own way and at his own pace. My advice though is that if it's something that's really, really important to you, give him the easy ones first - there is a learning curve for them.

Good luck

PrincyJo Posted: Nov 12, 2008 07:09 AM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

Aww.. I'm so sorry. I hope it all works out. He's probably stressed too about all the wedding stuff (not that it makes it ok). At first my FH thought we were doing all this stuff too early but once we started appts. he realized that we were on track. Sometimes guys s*u*c*k at life I'm not gonna lie . He'll come around.. they always do. Just hold your ground and make him win your happiness. Or withhold sex

FutureMrsFass Posted: Nov 12, 2008 07:22 AM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

I know how you feel..FH and I have been arguing over money constantly. It has been a stuggle to save with a mortgage to pay...but of course before we bought our house we sat down to see if we could do it...and he figured constant overtime in his paycheck...well guess what, overtime has dried up....he told me that this wasn't possible--here we are overtime free(I'm working two jobs)...so the saving for the wedding has been wishy washy to say the least....My biggest fear is not being able to pay for our wedding....he just keeps telling me 'It will work out' or 'we will figure it out'....URGGG

I think all men are idiotic at times, you are not alone !!

JennyAPH Posted: Nov 12, 2008 08:58 AM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

Posted by Sweeteey51

I wouldnt nag too much bout the DJ because you have time. But the house thing, Sept? thats too late to start looking.

I agree, you have plenty of time to look at DJ's so don't let it stress you out. He will find one, guys just usually move at a slower pace.. its just life. As for a house, you guys really should discuss that because I found my house last july and didnt move in until the last week of December... so even when you find one sometimes it can take a while.

Also I dont want to sound mean but try not to bug him about the wedding stuff too much.. I used to do this to my FH all the time and he said the same thing that I dont 'trust him to do anything' and i 'baby him' etc and that I was nagging, so I backed off and didnt talk about it or ask his opinion for a while and next thing you know HE was the one nagging ME about it.

Sorry you are having a crappy day.. it will get better, wedding planning is very stressful!

2009wedding Posted: Nov 12, 2008 10:26 AM

Re: I really do not like FH right now...

I am sorry you are going threw this. It will work out. Wedding planning is very stressful. Guys don't see how stress we get over the wedding planning, work and whatever else. I know what you are going threw try and talk to your fh and tell him what's going on with you. I sat down with my fh and told him I am very stressed out lately and I asked for him to help me out more. I am going threw some things right now with my health as well. I am also going threw a few other things too at the same time and I am very stressed. I talked to my fh and he said all I had to do was say I needed help and he would help plan the wedding with me. He is trying to help and I want him to help and be a part of the wedding planning since it is about us. If you need to talk fm me. Good luck with everything. Get yourself better.