is able to pay for a wedding. I was so excited in the beginning of my engagement. I was addicted. Now, all i can think of is how much it is going to cost (we are paying for it ourselves and never in my imagination did i think my family would not help out, very strange, and a long story) it is a real bummer. My fiance is the one mostly saving, since I dont make that much more than what my bills are. He is doing it all for me, and I dont want him to resent me (not that he is now, but you never know down the line, one $50000 wedding later, paid mostly by him) He keeps saying it is a lot of money for one day, and it is. Urg.... I am just not feeling happy. I have agita. Any suggestions, other than prostitution , to help with the wedding budget? Thanks for reading!
swags1016
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
It is hard. We did it ourselves also with very little to know help from our families. Get crafty. A lot of money can be saved by doing making somethings yourselves. Learn to budget. We didn''t live like poupers but everytime I went shopping, I would ask myself do I really need this or that. You can do it. Don''t let the frustration take away from your day.
JimmysBride
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
Believe me, I know how you feel! I''m paying for most of the wedding myself. Neither sets of parents are helping, and FI bought our home one month before he proposed. We don''t live together so he''s supporting the house on his own until I move in so he can''t contribute much to the wedding. We both make very good salaries but somehow it''s just barely enough to pay for a wedding on LI. The LI wedding industry, IMO, is out of control. The cost of a wedding here is so ridiculous, but there isn''t much you can do about it except wait 2 years like we are in order to be able to save up enough cash.
My only suggestion to you is that you keep the guestlist down if you can, and consider a friday night or sunday night wedding. No offense, but you picked a pretty pricey reception site (though beautiful!). That''s probably what''s setting you back the most. Unless you have your heart set on it (and I wouldn''t blame you) that''s the first place where I would try to save money. That''s JMO.
V&S03
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
Well don''t feel alone, I think every couple goes through this when planning their big day. We want everything to be just perfect but along with that comes a price, you have to decide what you must have and what you can cut back on. It will all work out in the end
halloweenbride04
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
You're certianly not alone! We are paying for 98% of the wedding ourselves but only gave ourselves 14 months to save. I feel the same way sometimes, I can wake up in the middle of the night and just think 'oh my god how the hell are we going to pay for this?' I really wasn't willing to compromise my 'dream' day for a 'cheap' wedding so we are just really shopping around on all of vendors to get the best quality for our $ and this board has been a God-send for that! I'm also calling in favors to anyone I can to help us whether it be to make pew bows or wedding programs, my dad is making our favors, etc... I've found that family and friends are more than happy to help in any way they can when you're not asking for financial help flat out. But all those little favors add up in the grand scheme of things. I've also been buying a little bit at a time and putting everything away in one of those rubbermaid bins this way we're not hit with so much at the end.
I agree with keeping the guest list down if you can, that's where the big expense comes in and people on LI should understand what a small fortune a wedding costs and would love to just come to your ceremony to see you get married.
Good Luck! and remember that you're not alone.
Nora101004
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
There are plenty of people on this site in your boat (and there are plenty of people in the other boat). Try to stay focused with your budget. We are using a great, inexpensive photographer and we get a videographer too beacuse I searched and searched for someone in our budget. Our invites cost about $200 and they are very nice and we could have gotten much cheaper ones. For the invites, we only had the invite, and responce card because our photo package comes with TY''s. We are getting married at the hall so we didn''t need the reception cards. We are getting married in the afternoon so we didn''t need a light package from the dj. Our favors are also our place cards, I got frames at Michaels with the 40% off coupon, one per couple- not person. Maybe it would help to keep a picture of a house in your wedding planner or check book. Every time you go to spend $$ you can see it and really think about whether or not you need it.
julz33
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
We are paying for the whole wedding ourselves, except for my gown that my mother is buying. We are having a big wedding, at least 200 people. We had a 2 year engagement so we could save money. We are having it at a fairly inexpensive place, and I am making the centerpieces. I am also making the programs and my friends who were graphic design majors are making my invitiations. I got a tiara and veil from ebay. I got my slip from my future sister in law who just got married and gave it to me to reuse. I am probably going to book Duet because they have a very reasonable price for photo and video. These are some of the ways I am trying to save money.
ETS: My sister is getting married in March at Villa Lombardis. He wedding is going to be DOUBLE the price of what mine is going to be! And I though March was suppossed to be a cheaper month to get married!
JZNCK
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
Hey there! I want you to know that I know EXACTLY how you feel. .We are paying for the wedding ourselves, and I work part time and I am in school part time. So FI pretty much makes 90% of the income.. It''s all on him, and I feel so bad.. WE are getting loans to pay for the wedding.. This is being pretty optimistic, and maybe a little rude, but we heard from friends that you will receive monetary gifts and that will help repay any wedding debt. Not all of course but some.. Just hang in there, it is a lot for one day.. BUt it''s one very special day that you and your FH will always remember.. I was scared, I actually contemplated just eloping after we figured all of our price.. Try not to think negative, this is going to be a beautiful day and you''ll be happy you did it.. I hear that the money is well spent.. and you can save money, making things, don''t be afraid to ask your BM and MOH for help making things, hey they are your back bone.. Good luck
IrishTracy
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
You can always cut back on SOME things. I know that this is 'THE' day. But, sometimes you have to think do I need a harpist at cocktail hour? (or whatever). Find packages w/ your DJ/ photographer/ videographer. That are better for your budget. (Also photographers are not paid in full until AFTER the wedding. My recepetion hall wanted the last of their money the day of (If you have to sneak in the bridal room to take money out of cards do it!)
Start brown bagging it to work. (That helps) Hold off on going out as much.
I used to wake up in the middle of the night worrying over everything. (It was not a fun time) It will all work out! Don''t forget to breathe!!!
IrishTracy
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
Also with the holidays explain to family that your on a budget this year so you won''t be spending that much. (they will understand!!!)
sp04
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
Well I completely understand. We are paying for our wedding ourselves. There are some vendors which our parents our paying for which has helped us out a great deal. however the expense is mostly weighted on us. We just have cut back on so much. we are even staying with my parents until the wedding in order to save more money. Obviously if your date and hall are booked already you just have to work around that. But sometimes i find myself just having to stop thinking about the wedding for a couple days at a time.. When i get really obsessed i need some time away to regroup my thoughts. But i understand everyone''s dilemma.
NYCHICK
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
Don''t worry it will work out in the end, like all the other posts said, try to zero in on the things that are most important to you and not worry too much about the others, becasue the little things do add up.
larryswife2be
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
Yeah, I was a little shocked when I totaled up all of my costs. Things still keep adding on and my parents contribution is really only making a dent in payment. Somehow it will work itself out, don''t worry.
Mich1108
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
Totally understand, we''re paying for ours ourselves too. Another tip is to keep your bp on the smaller side b/c that adds up too without you even realizing it: bouquets, bouttineers, extra limos, bp gifts, etc. We kept ours to 5 bms, 5 gms - we kept it to family & only very very close friends otherwise we could have had twice as large of a bp. If you do your homework & get references from people you know or on here, you can find some very good but inexpensive vendors.
Don''t let a vendor talk you into more expensive packages or unnecessary upgrades either. We met with a DJ who tried to make us feel like we were being cheap b/c we didn''t want to pay his extravagant fee. He kept saying how you only get married once & we shouldn''t skimp on the music, etc. We ended up just going with the same DJ that my FSIL used & he was $600 less. You''ll get some great ideas on these boards to help you - GL!
jennbaby
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
We did it, 100%, while we lived together, paid rent, 3 cars, bills etc etc.
You can do it!
Save, and don''t buy anything unless you have to!
Also, what the other ladies here said is very good avice!
eliz808
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
I am not even paying and the amount a wedding costs is hurting my heart. If it wasn''t for my parents and my FI parents I would have had a destination wedding with just family and very close friends.
violet
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
Well, I''m glad I still have a whole year to go. I''m paying things little by little. I have NO money saved for the wedding right now, but luckily, my parents are contributing money that should cover 50-60% of the reception (depending on how many people are invited which I want to be absolutely no more than 140). My fiance''s parents are paying for flowers and rehearsal dinner.
I''m just trying to put the deposits down, and then basically you have up to close before your wedding to pay that all off, so I''ll set my goal and try to save that. I''m thinking about what I really need and what I don''t. I''m saving money by not getting a videographer and by not staying at a hotel on the wedding night. So I''ll just keep trying to cut back on things to save.
And I wanted to add I'm so jealous of people whose parents or fiance's parents pay for their wedding. My mother's friend's son is like 30-something years old, and his fiance's parents are paying for it, and they're getting to have a wedding at Fox Hollow. I get so jealous.
MrsTC
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
you''re not alone...i had many sleepless nights thinking about this .
What we did was just scrimp and save every penny - no new clothes for a while, no new shoes - and honestly, i could not afford the very expensive vendors so many of them were low budget but looked just as nice. I would have loved to have a photojournalistic photographer but took a standard one instead. I only had ceremony flowers and used the centerpieces my hall provided for me - nothing special, but pretty nonetheless. I got my dress at Davids Bridal. I got my 2 tiaras on ebay. I got my limos thru a friend of a friend. You get the idea - there are ways to cut costs you just have to look and budget!! And dont worry - your big day will be wonderful!
peabody
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
I know exactly how you feel. We are paying for 100% of the wedding.
I do stress, but I also know, I will cut back on things before going into debt over our wedding. I am not the type of person to have debt hanging over me.
We are going to make our own centerpieces (don''t know what we are goign to yet), we pay the reception hall once a month, so we plan on having the having the guarantee number paid by May or June, we found (a big thank you to the girls on this site) an inexpensive and talented photographer & videographer.
You will do it and as time goes on you will figure out what is important to you and your FI and what you will cut back on.
One thing that is very important to us is the HM. We will be spending $$$$ on the HM, but I have been saving for this trip since before I met FI. So, we have the $$$ put away for that.
alixgirl
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Re: i really dont understand how everyone...
I know exactly how u feel but u''ll make it through and it will be worth it. My FI and I are paying for everything. My grandmother keeps dropping hints like she is going to help us out but so far that has not happened. I have tried to cut corners where I can. I bought my dress at the beginning of the year at David''s Bridal and it was very similar to a style I had seen but for alot less. U also have to prioritize. We searched for the best for our photography and videography because when it is all said and done that is all u have left of the day. We both r under alot of pressure but I would rather eat tuna and not go shopping than regret not having the perfect day!
