I have an ex boyfriend that I remained sorta friends with... we dont hang out but email and Inststant message.
Well this is all my fault b/c over the summer I told him about the wedding and he asked if he was invited. I was kind of in shock and told him sure he would be invited when the time came for invitations to go out. He emailed me his new address and everything. Well when my fh found out he totally flipped and FORBID me to invite this guy to our wedding.
Now fh goes online under my sn all the time.. and there has been a few times in the last couple of weeks where my fh goes on and my ex im's me and my fh just ignores him.
I just checked my email and there was a really sad note saying he dosent know what he did that I am ignoring all his instant messages and wishing me and my new family a happy and healthy holiday and he said something about ' I guess im not invited to the wedding anymore' I feel like TOTAL CRAP and have no idea what to write back to this poor guy.
Jen2999
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Re: I really feel like crap - Sorry so long!!
Well I think your going to have to pick your battle on this one.
Maybe try one more time to talk to FH and explain why you want him at the wedding etc. I mean obviously you are getting MARRIED so the guy coming is not a threat to him.
If FH says no again, just be honest with your friend and tell him FH is not comfortable with it and you feel horrible.
D&C
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Re: I really feel like crap - Sorry so long!!
JMHO you need to stick by your future hubby...ex's are ex's for a reason, this is the man you are going to marry
jbride2b
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Posted by D&C
JMHO you need to stick by your future hubby...ex's are ex's for a reason, this is the man you are going to marry
I agree.
I've always had good relations with my exes and continued to keep in touch with one of them. Well, when my FI (then boyfriend) found out about this he threw a fit. Basically, he believes that the only reason an ex would want to keep in touch is if the ex's hoping for something or still has some feelings. I'm not sure if I fully agree with this, but then I found out that my ex did still have some feelings for me. I've run into him a couple of times accidentally, but other than that, needless to say, we don't keep in touch anymore.
Don't feel so bad about this, because based on the way your ex asked about coming to your wedding, it sounds like he realized the potential problems his coming might cause. So he will probably understand if you explain the situation to him.
It sounds like you're not very close friends but just talk occasionally. He might be a nice guy, but he's your ex and your FI doesn't need to be reminded on his wedding day of your past with some other guy. No reasons to create tensions with the man you love over another.
Thumballina
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Re: I really feel like crap - Sorry so long!!
I would ask FH one more time if he still forbids that he be invited then you need to explain to your ex/friend why he can't come. He should understand your situation (I think anyone can). Good Luck
Aga
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thats a tough one... I would explain to your ex that your FH is not comfortable with inviting him to the wedding... but I would also speak to FH and explain to him that you still want to be civil with your ex...
Borricuamorena0905
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I totally am in the same boat as you... I work at the bar 2 nights a week, and my ex comes in, but........ he has been datin gthe head barmaid for the past two yrs... I have become close with the head barmaid and the ex always says he wants an invite,... Now I'm in a situation.. FH knows that we had dealings, but now my friend the head barmaid can't bring her date to my wedding... they are an item now... My FH says he will feel uncomfortable..
I told him that that';s an immature way of thinking.. yes , u can feel uncomfortable, but we have to be adults about the matter...
I don't know how he's going to feel about it in July when invites go out, but I will ask again..
Robinella
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Re: I really feel like crap - Sorry so long!!
Well i have a similar situation...but different. Miss neeniebean is actually an 'ex' of my fiancee..and I actually met her on this site and she answered a post of mine, I FM'ed her, and now I talk to her all the time and I adore her. We are invited to her wedding and she is invited to ours and I can't wait. I totally accept that my fiancee has a past and when it involves someone as funny and nice as neenie I couldn't forbid him to be friends with her or forbid her from coming to my wedding. I'm so glad I met her! :) So I guess im lucky lol :) I can't say I'd be as accepting of all his gf's but sometimes you gotta realize that people usually go out cause they ARE friends and they want to see if they can make something better out of it...so when you stop dating you usually still view them as a friend and for whatever reason a relationship just didn't work out...maybe youre fiancee just needs to understand that..u know?
Blu-ize
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Put yourself in his shoes. I would not feel comfortable with that at all. JMO
Borricuamorena0905
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Some people do and some people don't feel comfortable.. It all depends on ur journey in life and what u have experienced in the past...
MrsA814
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I'm sorry yeah that is a hard spot to be in.
jimmysgrl
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I'm sorry, that is a tough one. If your FH won't budge, then I would just e-mail him and let him know that there was a mix-up and you hadn't been getting his IM's and that you weren't trying to hurt his feelings. Maybe say that as much as you care about him, your FH doesn't feel comfortable with him being at the wedding and that you hope he understands. If he's a good friend or a real friend, he'll understand.
littlebookworm4
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Re: I really feel like crap - Sorry so long!!
This is a tough one sweetie. I know that my FI would have freaked out as well that I was even talking to my ex. Like it was mentioned by one of the girls...you're going to have to pick and choose your battle on this one. It's going to be rough but you're going to spend the rest of your life with your FH and not the ex.... I'm sorry about all this.
David'sbride
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Re: I really feel like crap - Sorry so long!!
Posted by D&C
JMHO you need to stick by your future hubby...ex's are ex's for a reason, this is the man you are going to marry
100% agree.
February05
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Re: I really feel like crap - Sorry so long!!
Im sorry, Maxine This is a tough situation, b/c its so different for everyone!! like Robinella said, we had a similar situation as well (though it was different... if that makes sense). it really depends on the person though (mainly, your FH). my FI is the type of person that doesnt care about things like that at all (i have to say though, it still amazes me sometimes how UNjealous or UNthreatened he is by these things... and i know he's in the minority by being like that). But, he knew from day 1 that we were still close friends, and that was it- just friends, and he would never tell me not to be friends with someone. BUT being friends with someone, and having your future spouses EX at your wedding are 2 different things. I think that its something that you 2 need to decide together and agree upon. And i do believe its true that this is the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with, and his happiness on His wedding day does mean more than an Ex's, ya know? I admit, if FH felt differently, i wouldve been upset to not have my Ex there (but i also dont really look at him as an ex--- we were always friends more than anything, so it would upset me to not have someone there that was such a great friend) but if it bothered FH At all.... i wouldve made that sacrifice... and i would expect my ex to do the same. If your ex is a good friend, and truly cares about your happiness, he will understand that he just cant be there. I know its hard, but your FH and your marriage are your priorities now, and the happiness of each is what really matters. Your ex may be upset for a little while, but he will understand... even if not right now, eventually.
Have you tried talking to FH about all of this? is there any room for compromise?
