I really need help. WITH UPDATE (on very first post)

Girls.. You know I ltotally LOVE you all.. that is why I need & value your advice.

I dont know if you remember a while back a post I wrote saying that I think I made a HUGE mistake in picking one of my bridesmaids. Well.. I cant even tell you how much this is bothering me. Im actually loosing sleep over this. I asked one of my BM to be in my BP because we have had such a history together.. now.. we barely speak.. she never called me on my birthday and could care less about my wedding. I cant even see myself being friends with her after my wedding. Why Im holding on to this notion that she is an important part of my life is BEYOND me. I made a mistake. A HUGE mistake and although asking her to step down seems like a HORRIBLE thing to do, at this point, I really want to.

What would you do, and how should I handle this situation???

Thanks/


Hi girls...

I just want to let you all know that because of the advice you have all given to me, I finally got the strength to ask this girl to step down. I wrote her a long detailed letter explaining my feelings. I was going to lie, but I just didn't have it in me. Sometimes, (and especially in this case) telling the truth is truly the best way to go.

I received an e-mail from her a few hours after I wrote it and totally agreed with me and understood. She didn't take it to heart at all. I feel so good now that this is off my chest. I want to thank everyone for your advice. I dont know what decision I would have made without your views on this. Asking a bridesmaid to step down is prob one of the hardest thing a bride could ever do. Thankfully, in my case, everything worked out perfect.

Thank you all

If it is upsetting to you, try calling her to see what the deal is. maybe she feels the same way you do and doesn't know how to bring up the subject. I am sorry you are going through this!

SEE YA- HATE TO BE YA

STRIKE 3- YOU'RE OUT..

DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YA ON THE WAY OUT OF MY BRIDAL PARTY...

shall I continue...

Janie, you deserve to have only those that love and support you to hold such an esteemed position in your wedding and in your life. she obviously does not share your feelings of loyalty after all these years. don't waste any more time and energy on her.

I'd be honest with her. It sounds obvious that she would know things have changed between you guys so it shouldn't come as a shock to her. Maybe ask her what's going on with her and why she's so disinterested in your friendship if you want to try to salvage this. If not then just tell her how you feel and that since you guys have grown apart you think it's best she steps down. Good Luck Janie...don't stress too much. Everything will be fine.

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Posted by SIBride06

Thank you so much for your support.. But How do I tell her this without being a B****?

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can't help you there b/c I would just say it- just have to be direct. no need to sugar coat. I am sure she knows she hasn't been the best friend she could be.

LIE! Tell her one of the guys dropped out and you can't have an uneven bridal party.

-or-

Say you only want to have a Best Man and a MOH

-or-

Be Honest...tell her that in the excitement of it all you wanted her to be a BM but now you're regretting it b/c you don't feel that her heart is in it.

-or-

Ditch her as a friend all together.

Say you only want to have a Best Man and a MOH

Christine:

That crossed my mind.

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Posted by SIBride06

Say you only want to have a Best Man and a MOH

Christine:

That crossed my mind.

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Do it girly...the last thing you need is some miserable person in/at your wedding.

Also, don't invite her to the wedding either...let it just slip her mind...

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Posted by ChristineAE

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Posted by SIBride06

Say you only want to have a Best Man and a MOH

Christine:

That crossed my mind.

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Do it girly...the last thing you need is some miserable person in/at your wedding.

Also, don't invite her to the wedding either...let it just slip her mind...

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Whats sad is that, it probably WOULD slip her mind. Isnt this rediculous???

You know Janie, I am in a similar situation. I asked someone to be in my bridal party and now I regret it. I personally would not be able to tell that person that somehow I need to cut down my bridal party or this or that...I made that decision and now Im kicking myself in the A $ $...but you know we're all different. If it bothers you to the point that you're losing sleep, then I would definitely talk to her and maybe mention the fact that you havent spoken in a while, and that she doesnt seem interested in your life, and ask her if she would still like to be in your bridal party. Im sure if theres some sort of doubt in her mind that she wants to be in your wedding, Im sure she'll use that opportunity to tell you so. Good luck sweetie

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Posted by SIBride06

Thanks Sylvia, but the only thing is that with this girl, my situation is so bad, I dont even think we would be friends after the wedding even if she was in my BP. She just dont care. My MOH thought I was nuts for even asking her.

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Yikes. Well then call her up and talk to her and tell her your honest feelings. Obviously the friendship is not worth it...if thats the case, just tell her and get it over with...gosh I truly wish I could do the same...it'd be a load off my shoulders...

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Posted by miss_qiana

If you are losing sleep about it then I say let her go. It really isn't worth the stress to have someone in your bridal party that you wish you didn't ask.

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I couldnt agree more! honey this had been your torment....let her go

Janie - do you want me to tell her?

You can have MOH tell her...

Janie...I'm all about lying when have to (wow...that sounds really bad) but with someone like this...come out, say the truth and get it over with.

ETA: I spelled out Janine instead of Janie...

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Posted by SIBride06

I think Im going to write her a nice letter.. Which route Im taking?? I have no clue. Should I tell her the truth?? Should I lie??? I dont know. I'll keep you ladies updated.

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why lie. you have done nothing wrong. I don't like lying or making up excuses...then you are in the wrong.

you should just say to her exactly what you said to us...she might not even be that upset.

I am in somewhat of the same situation and I have yet to tell her that I want her out~

I think you should be honest and she probably even expects it-if she acts like this is a total surprise then it goes to show you how in her own world she is-

no one is telling her to do back flips and hand stands because you are getting married but a good friend who deserves to be a part of something so special would touch base all the time-besides it isn't really all about the wedding -in my situation it is someone who is just not a good friend to me-sounds like you have the same issue-tell her when I think about who I want standing up for me I want it to be someone who would never even dare forget my bday....

I give this topic alot of thought~

Hope it works out