I really need help. WITH UPDATE (on very first post)

Original post by SIBride06

Sep 16, 2005 02:42 PM

Girls.. You know I ltotally LOVE you all.. that is why I need & value your advice.

I dont know if you remember a while back a post I wrote saying that I think I made a HUGE mistake in picking one of my bridesmaids. Well.. I cant even tell you how much this is bothering me. Im actually loosing sleep over this. I asked one of my BM to be in my BP because we have had such a history together.. now.. we barely speak.. she never called me on my birthday and could care less about my wedding. I cant even see myself being friends with her after my wedding. Why Im holding on to this notion that she is an important part of my life is BEYOND me. I made a mistake. A HUGE mistake and although asking her to step down seems like a HORRIBLE thing to do, at this point, I really want to.

What would you do, and how should I handle this situation???

Thanks/

Hi girls...

I just want to let you all know that because of the advice you have all given to me, I finally got the strength to ask this girl to step down. I wrote her a long detailed letter explaining my feelings. I was going to lie, but I just didn't have it in me. Sometimes, (and especially in this case) telling the truth is truly the best way to go.

I received an e-mail from her a few hours after I wrote it and totally agreed with me and understood. She didn't take it to heart at all. I feel so good now that this is off my chest. I want to thank everyone for your advice. I dont know what decision I would have made without your views on this. Asking a bridesmaid to step down is prob one of the hardest thing a bride could ever do. Thankfully, in my case, everything worked out perfect.

Thank you all

MissyB Posted: Sep 16, 2005 03:35 PM

Re: I really need help.

Go with your instincts. This is supposed to be an amazing time of your life. Stress free with no aggrevation. Just tell her nicely exactly what you told us, that you used to be great friends but have grown apart and you feel like it would be best if she was not one of your BM's.

SIBride06 Posted: Sep 16, 2005 03:45 PM

Re: I really need help.

You guys are great! Thanks for the advice.

My advice to new bride-to-be's?? From personal experience, wait to ask your bridesmaids... Think LONG & HARD before making any decisions!!!!

seta Posted: Sep 16, 2005 03:50 PM

Re: I really need help.

PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.......

I am so passionate about this situation....

my sister got married in 2002 . engaged 1 1/2..before the big day...at the time of her engagement she was very close with someone who she was recently a bm for, so she asked her to be a BM..as the engagement went by and the day got closer..they drifted..she did not give my sister any attention..was not very into any of the planning ie..group shower gift..bachelorette party etc... my sister toyed with the idea of trying to not make her a bm ..but felt bad.....so she was in it...

bottom line: never called her to see how HM was... their relationship drifted more...and now 3 years later they don't speak.....

long term effects..she is in all of the wedding pics..hanging in the house and it is just a painful reminder that my sister should have never had her.

my advice would be to tell her nicely,that you have decided to have a smaller bridal party.

good luck!!!

oh and by the way..i thought of u recently..was in great neck..did u ever find locations for pics?? i may know a couple worth looking in to! fm me for more detail..

good luck...

steflily Posted: Sep 16, 2005 03:53 PM

Re: I really need help.

Sounds like you are more worried about having her in than out.

Tell her that you should part ways. It will probably be a relief to her.

SIBride06 Posted: Sep 16, 2005 05:57 PM

Re: I really need help.

Okay.. Im going to write everything down on paper (to sort my thoughts).. then I will tell her. Thanks for the advice girls!

glinda_goodwitch Posted: Sep 16, 2005 06:08 PM

Re: I really need help.

Janie,
A similar thing happened to me where I asked someone to be a BM because we had a long history together even though we had grown apart. You don't know how many times I thought that I had acted hastily and shouldn't have asked her. Well, luckily her college roomate is getting married on the same day, so I had to let her go to that wedding (since I know we had grown apart and she was still close to her college roomate). I am so relieved that she dropped out. It's a blessing in disguise. Now I don't have to worry about having someone in my BP that I'm no longer close to.

Would you still want her at the wedding? How about asking for her help in other ways, such as being a reader, or something like that? I would ask her if she really wants to be in the BP and tell her that you know that you two have grown apart...she what she says.

SIBride06 Posted: Sep 19, 2005 07:15 PM

Re: I really need help. WITH UPDATE (on very first post)

bump with UPDATE

littlelostbride Posted: Sep 20, 2005 08:33 AM

Re: I really need help. WITH UPDATE (on very first post)

Hi, Date Twin!

I'm so glad things worked out well for you on this one! I agree with the gals who said you probably wouldn't want to look back at your wedding photos & be reminded of her & this situation. How do you feel now? I'm glad this worked out. You had strength & character to do this!

Now I need to take care of something similar (but not exact), too!!