I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG) UPDATED
kathy2176
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I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG) UPDATED
My FI has this friend who he has been close to since they were kids. This friend ended up going out with a cousin of mine who is like a sister to me. We tried to keep it from happening but, there was nothing we could do. So, needless to say, they broke up. They were both supposed to be partners in our bridal party. We ended up having him back out so it wouldn't be an issue. They have been apart for 2 years now. He has a new g/f for a year and she is still single. I got this e-mail from her mother (who I am also very close with) saying that she found out we were still planning on inviting the friend and his parents to the wedding and basically told us not to. She would feel very uncomfortable having them there and doesn't want to go through that at our wedding. She also doesn't want her daughter to be unhappy seeing her ex. My cousin apparantly doesn't know any of this is going on. She knows they are being invited, I told her. She never said anything about it not being ok with her. I don't know what to do. The friend already knows him and his parents are supposed to be getting invitations. My FI has been adamant this whole time about wanting the friend there. I told him about this and even though he didn't say it, I know he isn't happy. He said we could discuss it tonight. He knows how much my aunt means to me but, his friend means a lot to him. This would be so easy if my aunt wasn't like a surrogate mother to me. What would you do?
Jordan
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
That's a tough one but in the end, your aunt needs to realize that it's your wedding and the decisions are to be made by you and your FH. Seriously, if your cousin didn't have a problem with it, I don't see why her mother does. JMO.
jill13bean
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
well that is a tough one but if they are apart 2 years now they should be fine.... in my opinion you can't not invite your AUNT and cousins expecially if you are close to them
sandj100304
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
I think that your aunt needs to realize that this person is still a part of you and FH's life and that you want him there. If your cousin is ok with it, then I wouldn't worry about it. Tell your aunt you understand how she feels but it has been a while and everyone needs to move past it.
BriBri529
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
In all honesty, I don't think there should have to be a choice. They should all be invited. You say it's been two years. I think that is long enough to be able to have them both at the wedding regardless of their dating status. This is my opinion, and I hope I am not coming across harshly, this is just my opinion and how I would feel and what I would do if I were in the situation. Good Luck making your decision~ I hope all works out for the best!
divabride
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
After 10 years of friendship with my 2 best friends, the two decided to start dating each other. A few months later they broke up, and it was pretty nasty to the least. Either one wont speak to each other and the girl is obviously more hung up on the guy. They will not attend the same parties together because of this, but I have mentioned the wedding to the both of them. I told them they were both invited and that I would not choose between either of them. But I would be hurt if one of them didnt show up because of the other. Needless to say, they both said they would be there no matter what. The only advice I can give you is to tell your cousin, and stress how important it is for her to be there on your big day and who cares if he is there. Hope it works out
NYCHICK
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
I don't see why you need to choose. I think you should invite who you want to and who xhooses to come then they come. There is no easy decision. Somebody's feelings will get hurt.
lullabella
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
I think you Aunt was out of line. I honestly don't know where people get off telling someone who they should or shouldn't invite to their wedding. It is YOUR day not hers.
I would tell her that FI & you spoke about it and they are going to be invited to the wedding. So we will be sure to seat you on opposite ends of the room.
EDT: I just read the bottom where you say how close you are to your AUnt. All the more reason why she should not force you to CHoose. Not to mention that this could cause a problem between you and your FI.
kathy2176
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
Thank you for your advice. I don't think it is an issue of my aunt and cousin not being there. I am sure they would go no matter what because they know they have to. They are just not the most reasonable people in the world. My aunt is used to everyone in the family rolling over and doing whatever she says. She is a wonderful woman and does so much for everyone. I think that is partially why she just expects everyone to do as she says. I agree, they should all be there. This was a long time ago and no need to hang on to old issues. I just don't know how to convey that to her without it seaming like I am 'taking sides' or anything.
lgluszak
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
Reality Check, This is YOUR WEDDING. Honestly, your cousin and her mother have to grow up. People date and break up all the time. Will it be uncomfortable, YES, but for your FUTURE HUSBAND to be unhappy because his friend can't be there is horrible. Your aunt should really be talked to, face to face and told the facts. there are going to be plenty of people at the wedding. it is not like there are only 5 people attending the wedding.
You just need to make sure theu are not sitting at the same table...
GOOD LUCK and remember it is not worth fighting with your FH over, IT IS YOUR DAY TOGETHER!!! NOONE SHOULD BE STANDING IN YOUR WAY> Besides, if your cousin can't 'DEAL' with it, then she should just send a gift and not come
Donna
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
Invite all of them. It's been 2 years so I don't see the need for your cousin and aunt not to be able to see him.
And shame on your aunt for involving you with all of this nonsense
kathy2176
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
Posted by Donna And shame on your aunt for involving you with all of this nonsense
Thank you for saying that! That is the first thing I thought. It's not fair of her at all.
Marisa&Brian
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
How old is your cousin and you Fiancee's friend?? - Does your cousin know her mother is calling you about this ?? - It may be one of those things that she confided in her mother about re: 'GOD I don't want to have to see him' - but it may not be as bad as your Aunt is making it seem- After 2 years they should be able to be adults about the situation - and your Aunt, in my opinion has no right to tell you not to invite a good friend of you fiancee's ! - The fact that they dated and broke up is between them, your cousin is still an important part of your life, and your fiancee's friend of his- It would be VERY unfair to your fiancee to ask him not to invite people he's close to and has known his entire life b/c it would make your cousin uncomfortable - If you are close with your cousin, I TRULY think you should speak to her - she may not even know your Aunt is calling you - I'd be FURIOUS w/ my mother if she did that. - Sorry for my lengthy response, but I have a similar situation- so I can relate.
kpny622
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
Sometimes in life we need to get over things...especially after 2 years. People break up every day - but that's not even the issue. This is YOUR wedding and your FH's weddintg - you both deserve to have the people you want there and that's the bottom line. You can seat them at opposite ends of the reception hall. Nobody's saying that have to dance together. I have a very similar situation at my wedding and I never considered not inviting either party. If one of them doesn't want to come for a petty reason like that, then they can stay home. I understand it's a very close family member, but I see that as a reason why she should understand your predicament and not make a fuss.
nferrandi
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
You should defintely invite your FH's friend and there needn't be any conversation about it. Just call you aund and politely tell her that this guy is still a part of you and FH life and he will be invited. Tell her that you will obviously not sit them together, but you aren't willing to make your FH unhappybecause of a break up 2 years ago.
mcc101
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
I think they sould all be invited and your aunt should not be asking you not to invite your FI's good friend from childhood!!! Your cousin is an adult and she made the decision to go out with him and unfortunately it did not work out but life goes on and both your aunt and your cousin have to understand that this person and probably his family is a part of his life and he will obviously want them a part of his special day - isn't it enough that he won't be in the wedding party?!! I am sure your FI really wanted him in there.....I don't thnk you should do anything about it and tell your aunt to put herself in your FI's shoes - what if that was her good friend from childhood? Maybe you should have a talk with your cousin and let her know that he will be there with his girlfriend, etc. Maybe you can place them in opposite sides of the room? Remember it is both your day and your FI's day - your aunt should not put you in such a predictament and she is wong, she should instead be coaching her daughter and having a heart to hear talk with your cousin and leting her know these things happen in life but you have to move on...Good Luck
akanini
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
you should invite who you want..........just seat on different sides of the room.
MrHostility
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
You need to invite him. She is so totally out of line asking you not to. If I was your FI, I would be royally pissed at her. Get over it, so 2 people broke up. What is this, Jr. High?
Kriss2c
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
Invite them. Your aunt needs to realize that is YOUR wedding and for one day everyone can behave like the adults they are.
I recently went to a wedding where 2 of my ex's were present.... it was weird, but we all grew up and had a very uneventful evening.
tourist
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Re: I seriously need advice on this one...(LONG)
Posted by MrHostility
so 2 people broke up. What is this, Jr. High?
Yeah, I agree- I'll be having all sorts of exes at my wedding. (Including one of mine )
She shouldn't think of it as you inviting her daughter's ex-boyfriend, it is your fiance inviting his friend.
Talk to your cousin. If she is REALLY ok with it, she should tell her mother that & tell her mother to stay out of it. Her mother is just being protective, but sometimes parents don't realize their children can handle more that they'd expect.
