I should be happy, but instead, I'm disgusted with myself

I have always struggled with my weight. The first year FH and I were dating, I lost 20 pounds in about 2.5 months on WW. I was only 10 pounds from my goal weight, and I simply started getting lazy and eventually gained it all back. Earlier this year, I lost 10 pounds on WW, but let that lapse even more quickly than the first time around.

Well, today I went to get my gown and try it on. My dad took some pics, which I won't even post or allow my parents to send anywhere, and I can't believe how awful I look in my gown. I have gained all the weight I lost back plus a few extra, so now I'm at my heaviest since I know FH (not my heaviest ever, but only about 15 pounds away and that scares the crap out of me). I didn't realize how horrible I looked until I saw the pics, because I never think I look as fat as I actually am.

Today was the first day my mother, my father and FMIL saw me in my dress. My mother and I have been fighting over this dress since I found it and I was really hoping she'd be so blown away by it. Granted, she was far better about it than I thought she would be, but when I downloaded the pics onto my computer, I looked at them, and then looked at my mother and said that I looked like a friggen heiffer. She said, 'Yup.' I mean, it's not like she was telling me something I didn't know, but it just wasn't necessary.

So now I'm horribly sad and miserable about my gown, and know that I really just have to do this again, but I have got the worst willpower known to man. I know if I just stick with it, I'll do it, but I am so scared that if I can't succeed, I'll never be able to look at my own wedding pictures without crying. I know I have some time to do this, and I know that I can, but I don't know if I will, and that scares me beyond belief.

I'm not looking for empty platitudes or anything...I guess I just needed to vent and put it in writing where I know I'm not the only one who will see it, and maybe it will motivate me. I don't know. I am just feeling miserable on what is supposed to be one of the most exciting days of my life.

Thanks for letting me get this all out.

Looking at my self in the gown for teh first time jump started me to lose weight.

I looked... FAT...no other way to describe it. Use the pic of you to motivate yourself to lose the weight. Maybe WW wasn't the right thing for you, maybe SB diet, Atkins or something else may be the way to go. Maybe just some exercise?

We are here for you, let me know if you need moral support!

I know WW has helped you in the past, but IMO (and this is just my opinion) and what I do to maintain the weight I am at is exercise. But I am one of those weird people who like to exercise.

I have been an active person my whole life and and when I wasn't (which was my freshman year in college) I gained weight. As soon as I started running again I lost the weight and maintained my weight.

I don't really run anymore, I started taking Aerobic classes. I was getting bored of running on the treadmill in the winter.

At first, I was really intimidated by the classes. The first time I took a Step class (which is my favorite now) I walked out of the class. I didn't know the terminlogy and I felt so uncooridinated. But it took time and patience and now I love it.

I know it can be scary taking an Aerobics Class (Step, Kickboxing, High-low, etc...) but they are so much fun. The hour goes by so quickly because of the music, the people around you and just plain concentrating on what the instructor is doing and doing it yourself.

My suggestion is exercise. There are so many benefits of exercising.
1. I ALWAYS, ALWAYS feel better after I take one of my classes. I never feel bad after taking a class. I always look forward to the feeling after the class is over.
2. Your energy level increases.
3. You wont' feel as bad when you indulge in a couple chocolate chip cookies.
4. You either lose or maintain your weight.
There's so much more benefits, I could go on...

I am sorry if I sound like exercise is the answer, but in my case I could not live without exercising. Exercise has also gotton me through a couple of rough times in my life. It was one thing I could count on and know it would make me feel better.

Find an exercise you enjoy, ex: running, walking, rollerblading, weight lifting, swimming, racquetball, tennis etc... try everything and see what really works for you. Then dedicate some time to it.

Also, we (FI and I) enjoy going to the gym together. We have made some really good friends at the gym. That's added bonus, making friends.

Thank you both.

WW is the most realistic answer for me. I've succeeded following it in the past, but when I get comfortable, I go back to my old ways. I guess it's just hard to train myself to think differently and eat differently for the rest of my life.

As for exercise, Peabody, I completely agree with you that it will help a lot. I joined and started going to the gym in July, and was doing pretty well going at least 3 times a week. However, I started having trouble breathing and the doctor thought there was a problem with my heart, and I underwent 2 months of testing during which time my doctor wouldn't let me exercise. I never went back and that's also on the top of my list of things to do.

I have a very stressful job and know that the exercise will actually help alleviate that, but at the end of the day, I'm exhausted, and going to the gym is often the last thing on my mind. I simply have to force myself into doing it, but again, I have poor willpower. I'm going to start going back, and would love to do so this week, but unfortunately, I've got too many after-hours commitments that prohibit that, and you won't catch me getting up for anything earlier in the morning than I absolutely have to. But I do know what you mean, and I know that I need to exercise as well as 'diet.'

As for any other type of dieting, I cannot, under any circumstances, follow any plan that forbids anything, i.e., Atkins and carbs. That's one of the things that I like about WW. Although there are certain things that I really need to stay away from in order to succeed, as there are certain weaknesses I have, I can still eat fairly normally, just in far less amount and with a little more focus on what I'm shoving in my face.

Thanks again, ladies. I've just got to wrap my brain around the need to do this and just do it.

I am a recovering ice cream addict. I used to eat a box of Rug Rats Mac and Cheese as a meal. I love my carbs, but after the first 14 days on Atkins, I really saw a difference and it really helped me stay on track. 25 pounds later, I eat differently, cheat once a week, and feel great. If you can hold off for 14 days, you may feel differently about your forbidden foods. I also found a link of some diets that I had never heard of before....DIETS

Maybe you will find something that will spark an interest for you!

Good luck!

The Carbohydrate Addict's Diet

Do you crave sweets, starches, and junk-food snacks? Shortly after eating do you find that you are still hungry? If so, you may be a carbohydrate addict. A person who is not an addict can eat a carbohydrate-laden meal and feel full and satisfied for several hours.

Apparently a person who is addicted to carbohydrates secretes an excessive amount of insulin to break down the cabs. This interferes with the serotonin levels in the brain, which signal the person to STOP eating. Without the 'stop' message, the carbohydrate addict keeps on feeling hunger.

On this plan the timing of eating carbohydrates is all-important. No foods are forbidden but your reward meal (anything you want to eat including dessert) must be limited to 1 hour in duration. Otherwise your body's insulin will spike and you'll begin storing fat.

You must also balance your reward meal, eating an equal number of vegetables, proteins, and carbohydrates. By eating 2 low carbohydrate meals per day and 1 reward meal, the dieter never feels deprived. There is no calorie counting or measuring of foods on this plan.


Someone I now was just telling me about this and how well it worked!

Thanks for the info. I think I probably should cut back on carbs in general, especially the simple carbs, but I don't really have the type of personality that would allow me to greatly restrict any type of food or food group. It's not a commentary on those who can, but rather a part of my personality - flaw or asset, I don't know - but there it is.

Thanks again, and it's great that you found something that works for you.

Don't worry though, there are plenty of diets out there that are safe and work. Do whats best for YOU!

jannshari, I truly believe once you start exercising (but your doctor has to give the go ahead) then you will feel better.

I know it's hard to make yourself go after work. Today, I really didn't feel like driving home changing then driving to the gym. But I did and I feel better.

I won't go in the morning before work, it's just too early for me.

We go on the weekends together, it's something we look forward to doing together. Does your FI like to exercise or go to the gym?

Well, you still have a good amount of time before your wedding...

Maybe the reason that you gain weight back is because you diet, and I found that diets never really work, maybe you should hire a nutritionist and work on changing your lifestyle and the way you look at food and health. fit. It's just a suggestion, I have no idea how you diet, or if you are happy with your method, I just wanted to offer another suggestion.

One mroe thing...I recently lost a lot of INCHES (I'm having my 5th fitting this week...every time they take it in...I go back and try it on, and the dress is too big)....

The moral...I AM TOTALLY not trying to loose weight...it's just the stress of the wedding, and the bridal salon and a lot of LIW ladies say that WEIGHT LOSS is very common with the stress of a wedding, especially as it gets closer. I'm not saying wait until the wedding approaches, but you may end up loosing a bit right before from stress.

I hope you feel better, don't be so hard on yourself

Jann,
I am so sorry that you are going through this and i know exactly what you are going through. the first time i went to try on wedding gowns i looked so horrible that i wanted to cry and just give up right there.
but you can do this!
you have done it in the past and you are stronger than a few pounds!! dont' let it get the best of you!
if you need anything - let me know...i'm here for you and i know what you're dealing with!

Lori

I am really sorry that you are going through this. But your situation is pretty hopeful. First of all, you have over 10 months to lose weight. That is a crapload of time.

When it comes to weight lost, I believe that people have to work within their limits. For myself, I know that I will never go to the gym because it is such an inconvenience. So instead, I own an elliptical and tread mill. I also know that I will never cook meals and will end up eating out because it is so much easier. Instead, I purchase the WW meals. Just as easy (and cheaper).

My final piece of advice would be to get a personal trainer.

good luck