I think I am going to have to call off my wedding... kind of long

I am so sick over this I was just literally fighgting off an anxiety attack.

Everytime I think about our wedding and how we are going to pay for it I just want to cry.

Here's the situation: FH is miserable at his job; he works in a warehouse at a brick and tile showroom. It's in the Hamptons, so during the summer the commute is anywhere from 1-2 hours each way. He is trying to start his own business, selling collectible toys on the secondary market, on the weekends he does some shows, and he has a couple of things on eBay right now. The problem is, he's not making the money he told me he would be.

Originally, we had planned on using our tax return, which would easily have paid for the whole wedding. Unfortunately, the $100 here and $500 there that he was going to 'put back next week' never got put back and now we are down to a zero balance in our savings account. He cannot handle being home with the three kids by himself, and now that the 2 YO has been diagnosed with ASD, it's even more imperative that I be home. Hence, I am not going back to work, and therefore, I cannot replace the money he spends.

I don't know what to do. I have tried talking to him about it and he cries and tells me he knows, but he needs the 'stock' for his business. I undert=stand and am trying really really hard to be supportive of him. And if we weren't planning this wedding, I would not care what he did with the money he earned from his job.

Right now I am just so upset and discouraged. How can a man with 3 children think that buying diapers every week and paying half the rent every month is supporting his family? I have to pick up the slack for eveyrthing else, and like I said, I wouldn't mind IF we didn't have to pay for this wedding.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I gotta post this before he gets out of the shower....

Sometimes you need to vent. Don't call off the wedding or make any FINAL decisions while you are upset. You still have time to speak to your vendors and maybe you can cut some corners. Don't forget if you cancel, there are cancelation fees. Maybe, you can push the date back a little so you are not so stressed out and you can save more money This should be a day you enjoy and look back on with fond memories for the rest of your life. I wish you the best of luck

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Posted by jellybean1420

Another suggestion....being you are going to be home, for extra money you can also baby-sit for a child in your area. Parents are always looking for child care at home.

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Great idea, except we live in a one bedroom apartment that is way too small even for us! I wouldn't have anywhere to put another child!

I have started looking into doing mystery shopping... and already have 2 assignments coming up.... It won't pay alot, but it's something.

I hope you don't mind a reply from a mom, I saw your post and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Planning a wedding is stressful enough, but you have the added demands of a young family and job concerns. Give yourselves time to work out the business and get to a place where you and FH feel more confident about the future. The most glorious party on earth won't compensate for getting yourselves into debt or stressing each other out beyond repair.

You already share a beautiful family and that is priceless. Postponing the wedding won't matter much in the long run, supporting and loving each other will last forever.

I wish you all the best!

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Posted by LImama

I hope you don't mind a reply from a mom, I saw your post and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Planning a wedding is stressful enough, but you have the added demands of a young family and job concerns. Give yourselves time to work out the business and get to a place where you and FH feel more confident about the future. The most glorious party on earth won't compensate for getting yourselves into debt or stressing each other out beyond repair.

You already share a beautiful family and that is priceless. Postponing the wedding won't matter much in the long run, supporting and loving each other will last forever.

I wish you all the best!

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Great insight!! Well said!

Good luck

Also, how about having a ceremony as planned and the party a year from now to take the pressure off?

Talk to your vendors about pushing it to another date-maybe next August. You may lose a little $ but by the time your wedding party comes you may be better off. You can have a vow renewal and everything a year from now, but still be married.

Good luck, money is the biggest source of stress for most couples. You are in good company. Some of us make more or are better off, but all of us have the same struggles.

Keep your chin up and know that it will get better.

HAVING KIDS MYSELF AND TRYING TO PAY FOR A WEDDING ON A ONE INCOME FAMILY I COMPLETLEY UNDERSTAND! we had to postpone a year , I was sad but I knew it was for the best. Best of luck and if u need to chat FM me trust me im in the same boat

Great advice here, I don't have as much good advice to impart.

But I can tell you that my sister is having money issues right now also, and and also has 3 kids. Her solutions were to:

1. Get a night job at a gym for after her husband gets home (plus she gets to work out if it's slow)

2. Get a 3-day-a-week job delivering candy to stores. She has a neighbor mom who is willing to take her 2 youngest in her home for a few dollars. It's only for a few hours a day.

3. She swallowed her pride and asked my mom for help. Mom is now babysitting for her so the money she makes at both jobs doesn't go to a babysitter. Mom also helps out with household chores (a load of laundry here, making a dinner for them there).

Granted, my sister isn't planning a wedding, so I know it's a little different.

I hope you don't think me brash or condescending but if you haven't already, you may need to lay all this on the line for your FH. He may not be looking at the bigger picture and how bad it could get. He may need a 'wake-up call' to put it in perspective that his family is in need, and as a husband and father, it's also his repsonsibility to make sure those needs are met no matter what. Sure, a wedding isn't a dire emergency but the money you could lose if you cancel would be detrimental in the long run.

I sincerely wish you and your family well, and I hope everything works out ok for you.

I sincerely hope things get easier for you. Will say a prayer that everything works out for the best.

Im so sorry about this .......i understand how it feels to be in a job where u are miserable......but maybe he can start his own business after the wedding.........i dont think you should call it off.....maybe cut down the guest list.....do you have any family you can turn to? i really hope you can work this out

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Posted by chloeme2

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Posted by LImama

I hope you don't mind a reply from a mom, I saw your post and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Planning a wedding is stressful enough, but you have the added demands of a young family and job concerns. Give yourselves time to work out the business and get to a place where you and FH feel more confident about the future. The most glorious party on earth won't compensate for getting yourselves into debt or stressing each other out beyond repair.

You already share a beautiful family and that is priceless. Postponing the wedding won't matter much in the long run, supporting and loving each other will last forever.

I wish you all the best!

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Great insight!! Well said!

Good luck

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She said it so perfectly!!! Good Luck and we are all here for you if you need us!

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Posted by vinnysgrl

Im so sorry about this .......i understand how it feels to be in a job where u are miserable......but maybe he can start his own business after the wedding.........i dont think you should call it off.....maybe cut down the guest list.....do you have any family you can turn to? i really hope you can work this out

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We've cut the list as much as possible already and our families have been helping... still unsure what to do, but thank you all for your thoughts.

I don't have the great experience on this topic like the other girls do, but I hope you find a solution that you can both live with. Is it possible (not a GREAT solution, but just a thought) for you to waitress at night for a few hours after the kids are alseep a few nights a week? Most diners are open 24 hours. I hope you're able to work it out.

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Posted by Greeneyes8705

I know where you're coming from. We had wanted a big wedding next year, but since we already have 2 kids (a 3 y/o and an almost 10 month old) we decided to just have a small ceremony and have the big wedding on our 10 year anniversary. Maybe you could do something like that?

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We've already cut corners as much as we can... our whole wedding is going to cost less than $10K... closer to 5K. My mother suggested I take out a small personal loan, but I have bad credit and would need a co-signer...

Still thinking girls, but thatnks for all your kind words!

you can always do a very smal wedding at city hall or something and go out for dinner and leter down the road when you have more $$ have a renewing of your voes at a nice high end place

good luck

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Posted by LImama

I hope you don't mind a reply from a mom, I saw your post and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Planning a wedding is stressful enough, but you have the added demands of a young family and job concerns. Give yourselves time to work out the business and get to a place where you and FH feel more confident about the future. The most glorious party on earth won't compensate for getting yourselves into debt or stressing each other out beyond repair.

You already share a beautiful family and that is priceless. Postponing the wedding won't matter much in the long run, supporting and loving each other will last forever.

I wish you all the best!

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I completely agree!

I say push it back until things are more stable as well. And don't make any decisions while you are upset...you will probably regret it later. Kids make things more complex and that stinks, I know, I have a 4 year old. Just take some deep breaths and relax...things will work out.