I think I just realized......sort of long

why Im having so many issues with convincing my brother I'd like him to come to my wedding and I shouldnt even have to ASK!

It dawned on me as Im reading post about BM gifts that I got nothing when I was in my brother's wedding as BM. As a matter of fact I was expected to serve her father his food and look after her mother. I wasn't even invited to the rehersal. I remember working so hard as a waitress that I tore my dress on a nail what was coming out from a wall.

I remember distinctly that her (SIL) father said 'Let that Mexican wench get my drink, she seems good at that type of work'.

I spent the rest of the evening talking with my friends and ignored the bridal party completely. My dad was so mad at me.

I guess I never realized I didn't get a gift cause I wanted out of there!

I was a last minute replacement (one month) because SIL best friend had to have an abortion one month before the wedding... Odd but good excuse. I was royally ticked off as I wasn't immediately invited as his only sister. Now all of a sudden I was expected to fork over cash for a dress. I did it cause I love my brother but the wedding was hell.

The bride/groom left for a smoke (i found out later) and I thought they had actually left so I high-tailed it out of there.

Now.. Im engaged and i'm always arguing that my brother should come to the wedding.. where's the dicussion? It's 13months away? Im not asking for money Im asking for him to be there. What's the big problem? I suffered through his wedding, degraded and rudely treated, the least he could do is come to mine?

Am I selfish?

no defintely not selfish -

I am proud of you that you actually want him there - I think your brother, SIL and her father need a lesson in manners (JMO).

Good luck girlie

you're a better person than me... i wouldn't give a c r a p whether he came or not! I probably wouldn't have much to do with him after being treated like that!

but no, you're not selfish... there shouldn't be a question as to whether he goes or not... he should want to, and if he doesn't its his loss!!!

No, you're not selfish at all. I think what they put you through is deplorable and unacceptable. Frankly, I'm more surprised that you would even want him there after that, but I'm sure there's more to your relationship than what happened at his wedding. I think it's absolutely disgusting what your SIL's father said! All that aside, if you want your brother there, you shouldn't have to even ask. Do you think there's a chance that he'll come and he and his wife will make your day miserable? If so, is it worth the fight?

I don't think you're being selfish at all.

Actually her father died a few years back.. I find it literally impossible to hold hard feelings for the dead. It's sort of a waste of time. Even then I considered a senile old fool. He was in his early 90's at their wedding.

SIL is the classic hillbilly idiot (no offense to anyone here). She's a fool, but she loves my brother and that's all I ask for. She has said some rather stupid things in the past to get my going.. to 'test the waters' of my relationship with my brother. She found herself seriously out classed. She even once brought in the troops (her older sisters) to support her little game. Ganged up on me with my brother not around.. really bad idea.

Im honest to fault. Truthful to the point of pain and stubborn as a mule.. otherwise known as a full blown grown up tom boy Leo with a chip on her shoulder.

I frankly could care less if she shows up or not. The problem is.. I said that.. and it got to her.. and now Im the bad guy for 'not wanting' her there.. wahh.. So she's holding my brother back.. asking him to choose her and his son over me.

That's one choice I'll never force him to make. But it's wrong.

With my tight budget and short money supply I am willing to pay for their whole family to fly here for the wedding, which is asking a lot.. and still 'they don't know'.

It's my only real thorn in my side for my wedding. Dad keeps telling me I'll have a good wedding without him.. but that's not the point. I think he should be there. Ya know?

I don't think you're being selfish at all...you're showing what a good person you are!

Selfish -no, wonderful, caring and considerate yes!!!



I hope this works out.

Its good if you to want them there at all. I would tell them all to go to hell, brother included. I only wanted people who love me and have been there for me at my wedding. I have 2 older 1/2 brothers, the oldest who would do anything for me and the younger one who never liked me. I didn't invite him and I didn't miss him either. I hope for your sake that your brother will there because I see its important to you. However, if he doesn't come, just know that your day will still be special and perfect.