I totally depressed myself

So lately everyone's been asking if we've booked our HM... I actually get MAD at this question, because I've voiced to EVERYONE that its the last thing I care about because its not a necessity. I'm a little more concerned with finding a DJ and Invitations, etc. honestly I could care less about doing a honeymoon...
Well FH, FSIL and I spent about an hour discussing AFFORDABLE options the other night and I brought up booking with sandals IF we have the extra money...
so yesterday I find the most perfect place, I get a quote... its under $3,000 (before airfare) thats a LOT less than I thought it'd be... so FH and I go on the computer last night and I show him all the great things we can do and how amazing the suite is... so today I go to see what it was with airfare... yea so it ends up I didn't select the most AMAZING suite yesterday AND I didn't add in any extras... I basically selected a room that had a bed and a dresser... nothing special... the one that we wanted.. was over $10,000 and that doesn't include the honeymoon package we liked! which was another couple of thousand!
we totally can't afford that.

so that was the initial thing to depress me..

then I start thinking about a sweet 16 I went to 2 months ago (I got the thank you last night) and how upset FH and I were when they did the 'indoor fireworks' with the dessert... thats the one thing we were looking forward to with our RH... and now we dont want it AT ALL.. and that was one of the things that sold me on our RH (there will likely be a spin off to this)


and now the most recent thing to upset me:
I decided to look up houses online... yea the only houses we can afford are in the ghetto.. and FH and I have been fighting like crazy over this. he wants a co-op, I want a house... he wants to live in high income areas and I have no problem living in average/low income areas-
yea well it seems like we can't even afford THAT... what we can afford is a run-down shack in the middle of nowhere!
I really never thought we'd have such a hard time trying to find a place we can afford!
so I emailed him a list of houses that are affordable, only ONE I really liked (based on pics) and I already know he's going to shoot me down.

it just su cks cause I feel like I'M the reason we can't live in nicer areas or have a nicer house and nicer cars and a nicer wedding I work for a dead end job making little money and I don't have any college and I can't find a better job and I just think that FH deserves better! heck he's almost done with his masters, and once he gets that, he's going right back to school.. I just dont have the drive or the focus to go to school.


I'm sorry to bring you guys down.

Girl, you need to take some happy pills... I know we all have bad days but you are like beating yourself up everyday..

So you don't have the millionaire suite on your HM, no biggie... FH and I certainly dont have it either. However, we figured other than the nights and late mornings realistically we wont be in the room that much.

As far as a house I think we are all or have been in your shoes. LI is an expensiveplace to live, thats life.unfortunately

and fireworkson your cake sound awesome, do them anyway. I am sure not EVERYONE at your weddnig was at the sweet 16.

cheer up, your planning a wedding NOT A FUNERAL!

firstly

next you need to remember that you do not need to book a $10,000 honeymoon to have a nice time. IMO you should look into a minimoon. do what you can afford. in the end you will just enjoy spending the time with your FH, away from all the stress of home life.

as for house vs. co-op; same as above, do what you can afford where you can afford it. you don't have to live up to what everyone else is doing.

(2 real stories, two of my friends got married, 1 in 2006 & the other in 2007, the both bought houses, & they both currently rent 2 bedroom apartments. they tried to do the same things their friends where doing & they couldn't afford it & had to give up their homes.)

awww dont give up.
we are married already and still didnt plan a hm.
take one thing at a time.

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Posted by soontobecruz

Girl, you need to take some happy pills... I know we all have bad days but you are like beating yourself up everyday..

So you don't have the millionaire suite on your HM, no biggie... FH and I certainly dont have it either. However, we figured other than the nights and late mornings realistically we wont be in the room that much.

As far as a house I think we are all or have been in your shoes. LI is an expensiveplace to live, thats life.unfortunately

and fireworkson your cake sound awesome, do them anyway. I am sure not EVERYONE at your weddnig was at the sweet 16.

cheer up, your planning a wedding NOT A FUNERAL!

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there's just a lot more into it that I can't post on here because of lurkers...
but yea, they aren't fireworks.. they were sparklers and FH and I agreed (as did the birthday girl) that it was the stupidest thing ever (no offense to anyone, but just the way this hall did it... was really really dumb)

but yea, now I just had a stupid stupid thing at work, I IM my friend to talk to SOMEONE about it... she writes back that she has her own issues and to get over it.
its just like.. I need to talk to SOMEONE and I have no one anymore! and I feel like I'm just a HUGE eff-up!

Honestly, if you guys can't afford a house don't buy one just to buy one. If it's not in a great neighborhood then the value is just going to go down and you guys will end up losing $ in the end.

I agree...do what's in your budget and going to work for you! Stop stressing so much!

If you really want the extravagant honeymoon, why not do a mini-moon now and push it back? Make it a 1 year anniversary trip even.

As for the fireworks, do them. Who cares if someone did them at a sweet 16--if you loved them, do them!

I think you might actually be better off buying a condo now, actually. If you can't afford a house, buying a condo in a low-ish market is a good investment. FH bought his 2 years ago (at a high) and even his has accumulated value. It's really going to help us with a downpayment when we start looking for houses.

Keep your chin up!

see how to I tell FH that?

like he's SO against buying a home in an 'OK' neighborhood...

I like bay shore, I live in baywood (bayshore mailing, brentwood schools) I'd want to live in bay shore (bayshore schools)

he's more into st. james, dix hills, stonybrook... but we can't afford that! so rather than owning a home in bay shore (or babylon or islip) that needs a little work (no big deal, he's handy and so is his father, my brother, my father and like a few of our friends who working in construction and plumbing) and we'd have a yard and be able to do ANYTHING we want to the house, in terms of painting and decor and gardening, etc. he'd rather buy a co-op in st. james for the same or MORE money and not have a yard, only have two parking spaces, not have a decent size dining room.. have only a few rooms on the SECOND floor... I just dont see the logic.
why pay more for less?
he's biggest excuse- 'i work in smithtown and go to school in stony brook'
ok.. I work in islandia and teach in deer park and MASSAPEQUA... who gives a flying (blank)? no matter what we're going to have to drive...

sorry girls... I just need to pour it all out!

thanks for trying to cheer me up

Don't feel like you're not good enough for your FH ... FH and I are in a similar (but flipped) situation ... I make a lot more money, I have my masters and he only finished undergrad recently, etc ... I NEVER think of him as bringing me down ... in fact, it's exactly the opposite ... he makes my life so much better ... You are the same to your FH ... he doesn't think about the money or the fact that your job is forcing him to have a 'bad life' ... he's grateful that he has you regardless (otherwise, he wouldn't have proposed!)

i understand your frustrations ... but i'm happy to tell you that they're wrong




ETA: how about a honeymoon cruise? check out VacationsToGo.com for some really great deals (it's free registration, you just give them an email addy ... they don't spam you)