Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

are you freaking kidding? i so had to crash here.

im Jewish and my FH's family is Latin. never have they insulted me, my upbringing or my religion in any way. in fact, FMIL once called me bc she heard it was a jewish holiday from someone and wanted to wish me happy holiday, oddly it was something obscure I wouldn't celebrate but the sentiment was really nice.

i'm confrontational so i would call them on it. i dont care what you are. I hate when people hate. jew, gay, fat, skinny..i dont care. its wrong.

cut yourself off from that poison if a family. if FH wont do it, be tough and say, 'I'm sorry but your narrow minded hateful attitude disgusts me.'

dont go to anything of theirs. they dont deserve your presence.

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

It is terrible that people still feel this way in this day and age but it happens. I am Italian/Catholic and my DH is Jewish (my sons are from my first marriage so they are Italian/Catholic too). My brother is also married to a Jewish woman who I love!!! A few years back we reunited with a cousin that we haven't seen in YEARS and at first it was nice to be back in touch. Then he started referring to my husband as 'that jew she married'. I was so insulted that I decided that I wanted nothing to do with him and haven't seen him since...figured there was a reason we lost touch in the first place and didn't want some one in my life that was such a bigot and didn't like my husband who happens to be a fabulous guy.
With that said, I wouldn't blame you for not going to the party. People are soo stupid!!!

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

Absolutely don't go. I wouldn't even effing bother RSVPing. Or better yet, RSVP yes and don't show up because you suddenly had a sinus infection. Effing asssholes!

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

had to crash, sorry
I am appaulled and think that is disgusting.
Can we say racist?
What does your FH think about this?
I would def not go and would honestly be crushed. Its 2010 people, The Jew, really?!?!?
Im so sorry honey!

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

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Posted by Im_My_Own_Princess

I'd go... I'd be on my best behavior, I'd smile and laugh and be pleasant...

I'd give them a card and sign it
DH& 'the jew'

let them see that you KNOW they call you that and make them think that it doesn't effect you.

they are just DISGUSTING people. and really need to be put in their spot.

even if its the daughter/nieces engagement party... I'd imagine she knows they call you that, and if she didn't.. she'd likely mention it to her mother who would be embarrassed over it.

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This is exactly what I was going to say!! Sorry you are going through this..people suck.

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

thats so obnoxious!

Im torn with advice. You could go the childish way and stoop to their level with all the great ideas other girls have suggested, but then it goes to playing their game and they will never learn.

OR you could just say 'listen cut the shi^t right now and grow up. I dont really care if you want to play tit for tat but we are not going to continue our lives like this because we will be seeing each other at holidays and other family events' let them know you are aware of their petty list and how stupid they are and make sure you DH stands beside you in agreement.

*its not even a matter of the actual name they called you, its the disrepect factor and the hs drama that no one our age should deal with

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

We don't see them for holidays or only weddings and things having to do with weddings. SIL is married so our family is done. I'm not even kidding when I said MIL and her sister hate each other and don't really speak so it's just weddings that everyone invites because they HAVE to invite them.

DH said he's going to email his cousin and tell her we're not coming to the engagement party. I'm not sure what he is going to say but I'm going to make sure he understands that he needs to speak to his aunt and his uncle about this list and what I have been called.

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

Wow that is awful! I really don't understand people at all! Sorry you are going through this.

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

yes that is the most important part. It almost seems like they want to invite you to all the times that youhave to buy a gift! you should give them back as a gift everything that you got for them that you know is a regift. and see if they call you out on it! Stand your ground and make it known that names like that are references are totally not acceptable. You dont want to rock the boat but you certainly want to push them out!

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

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Posted by ourwedding9510



DH said he's going to email his cousin and tell her we're not coming to the engagement party. I'm not sure what he is going to say but I'm going to make sure he understands that he needs to speak to his aunt and his uncle about this list and what I have been called.

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yes, i agree!!!! it needs to be said. we all know you cant change ppl, especially ppl with ridiculous views and lack of respect, BUT it does need to be said.

i know i personally would feel better if the situation was addressed, but having the understanding that they probably wont change, but I or my husband would have at least said something... maybe... just mayyybbeeee it will stop them from acting this way in the future.. slim chance but peace of mind for me.
good luck!!

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

Now see... THIS 'Jew'-word-included remark IS offensive.



Fk these people.

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

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Posted by Im_My_Own_Princess

I'd go... I'd be on my best behavior, I'd smile and laugh and be pleasant...

I'd give them a card and sign it
DH& 'the jew'

let them see that you KNOW they call you that and make them think that it doesn't effect you.

they are just DISGUSTING people. and really need to be put in their spot.

even if its the daughter/nieces engagement party... I'd imagine she knows they call you that, and if she didn't.. she'd likely mention it to her mother who would be embarrassed over it.

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ITA.

i would do that, if i was put in this kinda situation. show them they you know and that they arent getting to you. and kill them with kindness, thats whats gunna kill them. they wanna play that game, play it right back!

im sorry that you even have to deal with this. hang in there!

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

My mom is a Born-Again Christian, and DH's family is Jewish. You better believe if she said anything remotely insulting about DH or his family, I would talk to her immediately about it. Luckily, my mom has always been respectful, and DH and I are not shy to say what we are thinking. I think it also helps that my dad's family is Jewish (my parents are divorced), and my mom is pretty respectful of various cultures/religions.

If I were in your shoes, I would personally talk to the people responsible for making that list (I think you said it was your DH's aunt), and I would bring DH with me. Since you said DH keeps quiet about things like this, I would want to show him how much it really HURTS to say something like that when I confront the aunt, and that it's not something that can be swept under a rug. Also, standing up for yourself can help nip future situations in the bud so that they know it's not OK to do something like this.


I'm sorry you are going through this!

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

Wow. That's really difficult.

I've seen this going both ways actually as I'm Catholic and FH is Jewish. Some members of my extended family went out of their way to say things like 'He's so nice, for a Jew', thinking they were being nice. I often find that the people, like in yout DH's family who feel the need to go out of their way to say 'I have no problem with X group' actually do have a problem with it, or why would you even think about it?

When FH and I got engaged we were told not to tell FH's grandfather because it might kill him because I'm not Jewish.

Those are just 2 small examples, so I know how painful these things can be.

When you're describing it, it sounds like you're trying to say it's a small thing, but it's absolutely not. It's demeaning and degrading, and IMO, neither you nor your DH should have anything to do with these people.

Maybe there's a certan level you will tolerate, but then what if they start to call your children names, or say disaparging things about or to your children? I've learned the hard way over and over, unfortunately, to just stay away from these people.

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

I would go. Re-gift something and sign the card ~The Jew without the sinus infection

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

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Posted by HSsweethearts

Wow. That's really difficult.

I've seen this going both ways actually as I'm Catholic and FH is Jewish. Some members of my extended family went out of their way to say things like 'He's so nice, for a Jew', thinking they were being nice. I often find that the people, like in yout DH's family who feel the need to go out of their way to say 'I have no problem with X group' actually do have a problem with it, or why would you even think about it?

When FH and I got engaged we were told not to tell FH's grandfather because it might kill him because I'm not Jewish.

Those are just 2 small examples, so I know how painful these things can be.

When you're describing it, it sounds like you're trying to say it's a small thing, but it's absolutely not. It's demeaning and degrading, and IMO, neither you nor your DH should have anything to do with these people.

Maybe there's a certan level you will tolerate, but then what if they start to call your children names, or say disaparging things about or to your children? I've learned the hard way over and over, unfortunately, to just stay away from these people.

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Thanks! I do want to clarify a couple things you said though just so it's not taken out of context.

My MIL didn't say 'we have no problem with Jewish people' in a bad way and that was 4 years ago, the second time I ever met her. She's a sweet woman (as much as I want to ring her neck most of the time) but it wasn't meant badly.

Also, I can see how you may take it that I was down playing the situation but I was actually trying to NOT make it sound down played because it's a huge deal.

Thank you everyone for your words and kindness. They have helped a lot and DH are going to talk about it tonight and figure out how 'The Jew' is going to respond. I did already tell him that I will NEVER go to anything these people invite me to until I AT LEAST have an apology!

My cousins (Jewish side) have made comments before without even thinking that have offended DH. I have told them to knock it off and I have taken care of it. They don't mention things anymore and know how happy DH makes me. I've defended him, now he can do the same.

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

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Posted by CarolAnn721

I would go. Re-gift something and sign the card ~The Jew without the sinus infection

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HAHA! I would LOVE to but to be honest, I thought about it and I just don't feel comfortable going. I'll mail the gift though and sign the card just like that!

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

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Posted by ourwedding9510

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Posted by CarolAnn721

I would go. Re-gift something and sign the card ~The Jew without the sinus infection

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HAHA! I would LOVE to but to be honest, I thought about it and I just don't feel comfortable going. I'll mail the gift though and sign the card just like that!

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People s*ck!! I don't blame you for not wanted to go, but they need to be called out and know that you know and it's disrespectful to you!! Definitely sign the card inappropriately. What stinks is that his cousin now suffers for the actions of her parents. It could have been a nice night out for you, but I am sure you can find an extra spatula or something to send. Maybe buy this card also!!!

Re: I've been labeled 'The Jew' by DH's extended family

on the flip side, you could say you 'wouldnt miss it for the world' and just go and sneeze all over people


but seriously...how rude are these people!!??!?! im sorry chica!