I want to elope!

First off.. so sorry!!!! It is horrible to have to put off what you want for others

Maybe you can try to make the best of it and make this 'at home' wedding more like a destination wedding.

Limit the # of people, make your hall beachy, maybe you can even have your ceremony on the beach (robert moses, jones beach), hire an officiant. have FH and groomsman wearing beachy outfits.

just because you cant have your destiantion like you would like, you should try to make it what you want. Don't compromise the idea!!

good luck!!

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Posted by jgl

First off.. so sorry!!!! It is horrible to have to put off what you want for others

Maybe you can try to make the best of it and make this 'at home' wedding more like a destination wedding.

Limit the # of people, make your hall beachy, maybe you can even have your ceremony on the beach (robert moses, jones beach), hire an officiant. have FH and groomsman wearing beachy outfits.

just because you cant have your destiantion like you would like, you should try to make it what you want. Don't compromise the idea!!

good luck!!

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i completely agree...do your ceremony on a beach here, and pick more of a beachy type location and do like a tropical theme to it...Reduce your guest list also.

im so sorry melissa if you search my name im sure you'll see tons of posts just like this one.. my whole wedding is my FHs dream.. mine WAS and still is a destination wedding.. but im doing the WHOLE huge wedding for him... so i flat out told him that its his job to plan then and come up with the money cuz i can only work 3 days a week since im in school which to me just fortifyed doing a destination wedding. so hes working the over time to pay for the wedding of HIS dreams.. i still havent come to terms with it but im compromising its only one day and its not that important anymore as long as were getting MARRIED.

if you want to talk please just FM me

i wanted a destination wedding as well...but FH didn't really want that and didnt think it was fair to ask family members to have to pay their way either driving or flying....so i compromised and said we can have a 'Long Island' wedding lol and i wanted it on the beach but my mom would not like that at all...she always wanted me to get married in the church- so i am doing that as well...so it doesnt look like i really get what i want at all...

but I get to choose how many people we are having and it will def not be over 150 i want to keep it alot lower but we will see.... (especially with getting close to LIW girls)

but i think you should try to limit the number of people you invite it will def cut down costs and it will give you the feeling of a smaller wedding and also have it on a beach there are definitely alot of beaches here on LI to have it on

I wanted to do a DW to. We decided to have it in St. Lucia and I was so excited. Then my family had to have their say. So I know how you feel.


Part of me wants to say plan and pay for the wedding you want and just send them an invitation and hope for the best.

There are other ways. I would sit down and have a long discussion with FH. There is no reason why you need to work extra shifts to pay for this. You should have a wedding that you can afford. Set the budget before the guest list. Decide whats most important. You need to come to a balance
that will make you and FH happy.

I sometimes want to just elope with just me and FH. Maybe have a more casual dinner with my family when we get back to celebrate. I even suggested a small ceremony in Central Park with dinner at a restaurant. We decided to have a more traditional wedding and I am happy with that.

It's a tough situation because you do want everyone to be happy and not hurt feelings but at the end of the day it's between you and FH.

Going a long with your plans keep thinking simple. Simple can be elegant too. A friend of mine got married in her backyard with only 30 people present last November. She lives out east and her backyard over looks the LI Sound so there are ways to make everyone happy.

I didn't realize this post got so long so feel free to FM me. I will keep trying to come up with more ideas.

ETA: The Riviera I hear is very reasonable and on the water. It kills me sometimes to think of how much we are going to be spending on this wedding. I'd rather cut back on certain areas of the wedding and be able to have the HM of my dreams. Anyway here's a picture of an outdoor ceremony location at The Riviera.

Thanks girls, i really appreciate your advice. We already planned to keep it small at about 100-125, with the majority being FH family. i guess i feel upset because i do not really have much family to invite, and feel like the whole thing is really for FH family but i still have to pay for it. we can afford it, but i just feel that there is something so romantic and pure about a simpler wedding.

i really like the idea of doing the traditional ceremony and maybe going away a year later and exchanging vows together in bermuda or something. maybe that will satisfy that intimate thing im looking for.

if i had it my way, we would go away this summer and get hitched, and not tell anyone so they think the traditional ceremony is the 'real' thing. that might cause problems though, hehe, he cant keep his mouth shut.

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Posted by SeaMaiden

Thanks girls, i really appreciate your advice. We already planned to keep it small at about 100-125, with the majority being FH family. i guess i feel upset because i do not really have much family to invite, and feel like the whole thing is really for FH family but i still have to pay for it. we can afford it, but i just feel that there is something so romantic and pure about a simpler wedding.

i really like the idea of doing the traditional ceremony and maybe going away a year later and exchanging vows together in bermuda or something. maybe that will satisfy that intimate thing im looking for.

if i had it my way, we would go away this summer and get hitched, and not tell anyone so they think the traditional ceremony is the 'real' thing. that might cause problems though, hehe, he cant keep his mouth shut.

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I can relate. After taking a last minute trip to Cancun last December I TOTALLY pictured my wedding there. I even started working on a weekend itenary (sp?) for the guests & welcome bags. But after talking more with FH & seeing him mope when he said 'my family won't be able to come' I decided to go with something on Long Island with approximately 130 people. Originally I wanted it on Long Island but after looking at the costs I really leaned towards a destination wedding. Since I moved it back to Long Island for HIS family, he had to compromise & increase the budget. (We're footing the biil for it) We're both happy with the compromise. Yes, it will delay us getting a house but this will be the only time we get married so we might as well have who & want we want.

All this to say, talk to FH & see what he has to say. Tthere must be some compromise that can be reached. After all the two of you are celebrating your lives together, if no one else you two should be happy with the day (weekend).

I'm reading everyone's stories and I find it so sad that many of yourladies are compromising all your wants for either your family or you FH. Compromise is definitely part of a relationship, but it is a compromise between you and your fh not you, your fh, and all your family and friends.
Our wedding days are about us and our FH becoming one union starting our own families and therefore that day should be about the two of us.

I can't say that I would be able to be as big a person as many of you are if I was paying for the wedding I didn't want and was completely miserable. I may become resentful.

I know that I want the big wedding in our relationship and my FH wants the mortgage. We have cut corners so we can make it possible to have both. We may not have the mortgage right away but within the 1st year of marriage and I think that was quite reasonable and a good compromise.

It's so important for everyone to be happy in this matter.

i dont mind compromising my dream for something that fh has always dreamed of.. he gives me the world this is the least i can do for him! it makes me happy to see him happy even if its something i always said i didnt want. things could be a whole lot worse. i told him that i get to decide when to have the first baby then!

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Posted by SeaMaiden

Sorry i am so confused and have to vent......

My dream wedding really would be on a beach, wearing a light cotton/lace wedding dress and a hand picked natural looking tropical flower bouquet. I would have about 10-15 family members present. Our reception would be at an oceanside restaurant.......

well, thats not what im going to have. Since my FH wants his whole family there, we cant do a destination wedding. we are doing the whole reception thing with all the formal stuff i dont want. i feel like i am paying 3 times the amount of money for the wedding i never wanted.(keep in mind, we are paying for it ourselves and i make double what FH does and will have to work extra shifts to pull off this wedding myself). i was ok with it initially because this is what FH and his family really wanted but i feel like i am going to be busting my *** for this wedding when i really wanted a mortgage! His family does not want a desitination wedding and cant all afford to go if we did that. my FH prefers a destination wedding same as me but cant get over his grandma and aunts, uncles, cousins not being there. oh and we wont be able to afford a HM for at least a year after the wedding, so i guess im losing out on that too. sorry, i know i sound bitter.

How do i come to terms with the loss of my dreams-the wedding i wanted, HM, and the mortgage i would have been able to afford otherwise?

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i am sorry i dont have to much adivise ... i understand were you are coming from my FH is just like you (maybe you tow should get married ) ... he rahter not spend all the money on a wedding and spend it on the morgatage and i have try to conivce myself not to have this big wedding but i cant i want it to much ... the only diff. is is that i make more money and ill be busting my asssss and working 2 jobs just because i want this wedding!!! .... i'll just wish you luck on what ever you decide to do ...

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Posted by kab523

I'm reading everyone's stories and I find it so sad that many of yourladies are compromising all your wants for either your family or you FH. Compromise is definitely part of a relationship, but it is a compromise between you and your fh not you, your fh, and all your family and friends.
Our wedding days are about us and our FH becoming one union starting our own families and therefore that day should be about the two of us.

I can't say that I would be able to be as big a person as many of you are if I was paying for the wedding I didn't want and was completely miserable. I may become resentful.

I know that I want the big wedding in our relationship and my FH wants the mortgage. We have cut corners so we can make it possible to have both. We may not have the mortgage right away but within the 1st year of marriage and I think that was quite reasonable and a good compromise.

It's so important for everyone to be happy in this matter.

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Well said.

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Posted by Soon2BMrsD

i dont mind compromising my dream for something that fh has always dreamed of.. he gives me the world this is the least i can do for him! it makes me happy to see him happy even if its something i always said i didnt want. things could be a whole lot worse. i told him that i get to decide when to have the first baby then!

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Now that's a compromise

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Posted by Soon2BMrsD

I dont mind compromising my dream for something that fh has always dreamed of.. he gives me the world this is the least I can do for him! It makes me happy to see him happy even if its something i always said i didnt want. things could be a whole lot worse. i told him that i get to decide when to have the first baby then!

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I agree that I don't mind compromising for my FH either. We all should at times. It's when you start compromising for the families and you two don't have what you want is where you will run into trouble.

I totally agree that wedding plans should be between the bride and groom, no matter who is paying for it. But I do think you should at least hear out family. Obviously they want to be able to celebrate with you because they love you.

For me, it was important that our immediate families be there. That's his parents, my parents and my two brothers. Unfortunately my brothers would not have been able to afford to attend a destination wedding and that was something I was unwilling to compromise.