ideas for memorial

You could carry a picture of him in a bouquet charm. That would be small and you'd have him with you!

You could also wear a locket if you wanted to.

I've heard of some people having a rose or vase of roses symbolizing loved ones who have passed, too.

I wanted to write the names in the program and mention them in the mass, but it is actually forbidden in the catholic church to mention someone deceased at a wedding mass, becase the mass is supposed to be dedicated to the couple, and not the deceased.... some churches might let you get away with it, but my FH's family is old-school, and they would stop it even if the church let me write it in the program



I think the bo-k thing is the only subtle thing I can do....

I had a picture of my Parents on their Wedding Day in a frame attached to my Bo-k.

I also had two large Flower Arrangements made in their honor and they were placed right behind our table.

We're getting married on his birthday. After discussing it w/ my mother - we figured it would be a great subtle way for us to honor him.

We're not announcing it, but for those that knew my father well will understand the meaning.

Sorry, probably not too much help.

I've been agonizing over this as well. I want to memorialize my mom in my wedding without it being too sad or morbid. I'm getting married at my hall, so I wasn't going to do programs, and the candle idea I felt wasn't enough for me, and the picture I thought might be too sad (where would I put it? On our table? Or off to the side where it might not be noticed? So now I was thinking of making a wedding picture collage with all our family members past weddings and put my mom and dad's wedding picture in the middle -- I thought that might be nice...

I hope this helps... I know it's a difficult decision for anyone...

will have a memorial candle for my mom, and her picture in a small frame on my bo-k.
Officiant will make mention during the ceremony.
Thinking about using wedding pics of my parents and his on the escort card table.

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Posted by mcdermkl

We're getting married on his birthday. After discussing it w/ my mother - we figured it would be a great subtle way for us to honor him.

We're not announcing it, but for those that knew my father well will understand the meaning.

Sorry, probably not too much help.

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That is so lovely. What a wonderful gesture.

you could dedicate a song to him, and it doesnt have to be a cry your eyes out wind beneath my wings type, perhaps his fav song? Of my dad had passed Id use 409 by the beach boys, and my mom i would dance to anything by donna summer, upbeat songs that they loved and would put a smile on my face.

HTH

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Posted by portjeffbride

I wanted to write the names in the program and mention them in the mass, but it is actually forbidden in the catholic church to mention someone deceased at a wedding mass, becase the mass is supposed to be dedicated to the couple, and not the deceased.... some churches might let you get away with it, but my FH's family is old-school, and they would stop it even if the church let me write it in the program



I think the bo-k thing is the only subtle thing I can do....

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The above is not true....the Catholic Church does allow you to mention the deceased. It is still your day and your Mass of course.... the celebration is still about the couple, but there are subtle ways to remember the people that shaped you both as people and/or as a couple.

If you are Catholic and having a ceremony or Mass in a church, here are some ways you can do it:

During the Prayers of the Faithful (which will be a part of the day-- full Mass or just ceremony) the dead are ALWAYS prayed for as a petition. You pray for their intercession and their resurrection into heaven. FH and I put all the people, most notably his mom and our grandparents' names in that petition.

Our priest also mentioned FH's mom during the homily when he was talking about the friends and family who have shaped us.

We also brought flowers to Mary's altar after we gave a rose to my parents and his father. The flowers were left at Mary's altar in honor of his mom....extra appropriate there I thought as Mary is the Blessed Mother and we wanted to honor his mom in a special way. Perhaps since it's your Dad you can leave something somewhere else in the church or at the staute of St. Joseph (most churches have one)...as Joseph was Jesus' human father.

We also had a memorial candle i made burning at Mary's altar. (It was not lit during the Mass, it was lit before it started).

We also mentioned the names of the people who are special to us but not here in the back of the program. the priests had no problem with it and they actually commented to me how beautiful and liturgically correct my program was....

Originally I wanted to have a memorial candle but after talking to our Officiant we decided against it. She said she has seen it done plenty of times and it is always very morbid and just too emotional. She said we could do a poem that she can read or someone close to us or maybe a vase of Roses. We decided that we didn't want the names read out loud so we're just going with this on the back page of our programs...

In Remembrance:

We lovingly remember those who we have loved
and lost throughout our lives. Each of them with their own unique and unforgettable personalities, has touched our lives in such a way that we will never be the same without them. We know that they are here with us today, looking on with a smile.
We love and miss them very much.

HTH

We are using this vase for church. I wanted it for my mom, but it's nice because it doesn't have a specific name, so it can also be for mine and FH's grandparents also. Then I figured after, we can keep fresh flowers in it all the time


And we are also having the priest do a prayer..

Thank you all so much for your ideas. They are all wonderful!
I am so happy I have found this site. Its great for us new-bees!

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Posted by donegal419

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Posted by portjeffbride

I wanted to write the names in the program and mention them in the mass, but it is actually forbidden in the catholic church to mention someone deceased at a wedding mass, becase the mass is supposed to be dedicated to the couple, and not the deceased.... some churches might let you get away with it, but my FH's family is old-school, and they would stop it even if the church let me write it in the program



I think the bo-k thing is the only subtle thing I can do....

---

The above is not true....the Catholic Church does allow you to mention the deceased. It is still your day and your Mass of course.... the celebration is still about the couple, but there are subtle ways to remember the people that shaped you both as people and/or as a couple.

If you are Catholic and having a ceremony or Mass in a church, here are some ways you can do it:

During the Prayers of the Faithful (which will be a part of the day-- full Mass or just ceremony) the dead are ALWAYS prayed for as a petition. You pray for their intercession and their resurrection into heaven. FH and I put all the people, most notably his mom and our grandparents' names in that petition.

Our priest also mentioned FH's mom during the homily when he was talking about the friends and family who have shaped us.

We also brought flowers to Mary's altar after we gave a rose to my parents and his father. The flowers were left at Mary's altar in honor of his mom....extra appropriate there I thought as Mary is the Blessed Mother and we wanted to honor his mom in a special way. Perhaps since it's your Dad you can leave something somewhere else in the church or at the staute of St. Joseph (most churches have one)...as Joseph was Jesus' human father.

We also had a memorial candle i made burning at Mary's altar. (It was not lit during the Mass, it was lit before it started).

We also mentioned the names of the people who are special to us but not here in the back of the program. the priests had no problem with it and they actually commented to me how beautiful and liturgically correct my program was....

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I must give a bit of extra background... we're northern european... and while Catholicism should be universal, there are slight variations across the world. There are many things that the american Diocese will permit (such as unity candles, wearing jeans in church) that the polish / german diocese would give a firm thumbs down to.... and my family follows that conservative mindset. They're one step away from latin and doileys on the head

I was notified by my family (it was confirmed by our priest) that any specific names mentioned during the prayer of the faithful is in essence a mass dedication. You're right, there are ALWAYS mass dedications.... and on a wedding day, it is dedicated to the couple... no sick or dead... mentioning them would mean the mass is dedicated to them, and not us. Aparently, it's not a good thing to 'share the spotlight'. Therefore, it is strictly forbidden to have any names mentioned in the prayer of the faithful other than ours.

Taking that idea a step further, our families nixed the idea of writing 'in memory of john doe', since that too implies a mass dedication....

the argument given by our ueber catholic families is that we can dedicate dozens of masses each year to our departed and ill.... there are VERY FEW that cannot be dedicated... and we have to acknowledge that this is simply one of them.

we also don't do unity candles or memory candles, so those aren't options. I like th St Joseph candle idea before the ceremony...but I swear we'd have to be covert and do that w/o our families knowing

I think I can get away with the bo-k charm.... it will be tucked away and subtle...
thanks for all your help.....

such great ideas. i don' know what i should do for my dad who passed away in dec. i still get teary eyed thinking of him or hearing the word dad.