ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
GinaZ
Posted:
Member since
ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
One of my best friends is getting married this fall. Her FH's mother doesn't have a daughter and is getting all into the planning- to the point where she is not letting my friend do what she wants. Supposedly she is a very nice woman, but just going crazy with this wedding. For example. My friend bought and made her own invites. She wants everything very simple. His mom said they were unacceptable and went out and spent $600 on brand new ones. Example 2. Their friend is being ordained so he can perform their ceremony-her FH's mom is like freaked out by this. Non of them are very religious, but she says they have to have a minister or something like that. We were going to have her shower at a home cus that is what my friend specified she wanted. Well his mom was not having it and booked it at their country club. My friends mom insited she be able to do the favors. Well his mom went out and bought them before she could. Its very frustrating. And yes my friend has said to her to please stop all this. But it goes in one ear and out the other. My friend even told ehr not to buy the invites because it is a waste of money and she is using the ones she already has. But she still bought them. Anyway, I think if my friend can give her a job for the wedding and make it seem really really important, maybe that will occupy her? But now we are at a loss as to what to give her to do. We want it to seem really important, but really its got to be something that doesn't really matter. LOL. I suggested programs, but my friend already started printing them. So thats a no go. Any ideas will be hugely appreciated.
snowcutie82
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
tell ashley to slap her around a bit jk
im a control freak so i dont know what i would 'hand over' that's seems important but isn't.
does she care about the seating chart or escort/place cards....maybe she can do that.
maybe they could have did what is happening for danielle...throw 2 showers...1 is being hosted by jamie's crazy mom...and the other by me and danielle's mom...and that will be the 'good' one
and ashley should take the invites and still send out her own...at least if they are in her hands the mil cant mail them out
Soon2BMrsD
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
Does your friends mom mind that her FMIL is stepping in so much? my mom would be so hurt if she didnt do my shower.
i feel so bad for your friend what a perdiciment.
How about letting her make menus and place cards? and put together seating arrangements on her side. Put together favors and whatever they are using to throw at the ceremony..
tell her to stik up for having her friend marry them. that its REALLY IMPORTANT!
GinaZ
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
Posted by snowcutie82
tell ashley to slap her around a bit jk
im a control freak so i dont know what i would 'hand over' that's seems important but isn't.
does she care about the seating chart or escort/place cards....maybe she can do that.
maybe they could have did what is happening for danielle...throw 2 showers...1 is being hosted by jamie's crazy mom...and the other by me and danielle's mom...and that will be the 'good' one
and ashley should take the invites and still send out her own...at least if they are in her hands the mil cant mail them out
I think she still is sending her own. LOL. She was going to send one to erics mom that she bought, but Isaid don't cus thats like lying. We can't throw another showe cus its in 2 weeks and Its kinda far for me to travel there again with everything that is going on.
I was also thinking escort cards and seating chart. Maybe make it like a huge prject for her. LOL. Now we just ahve to come up with it. Hehhehe. I told Ash i'd bring her ideas when I go there is 2 weeks for the shower.
GinaZ
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
Posted by Soon2BMrsD
Does your friends mom mind that her FMIL is stepping in so much? my mom would be so hurt if she didnt do my shower.
i feel so bad for your friend what a perdiciment.
How about letting her make menus and place cards? and put together seating arrangements on her side. Put together favors and whatever they are using to throw at the ceremony..
tell her to stik up for having her friend marry them. that its REALLY IMPORTANT!
Its funny cus she told her even if you book a minister, my friend is still doing it. I'll just tell him to leave. And his mom doesn't listen. Its crazy. My friends mom is probably frustrated. But I know her- she was my boss for 8 years, and she is very non confrontational. Im going to have a talk with her when I go for her shower. Im going to assess the situation. Im even willing to be the bad guy and say something that is hinting about it. LOL I dont care. Im also day of coordinating her wedding, so i told her to just tell me what she has planned that needs to not be there etc. and I'll make sure its not- even if that means sending away the poor minister. granted his mom is offering to pay for anything she thinks needs to be there, but it has been made clear they dont want it.
Soon2BMrsD
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
Posted by GinaZ
Posted by Soon2BMrsD
Does your friends mom mind that her FMIL is stepping in so much? my mom would be so hurt if she didnt do my shower.
i feel so bad for your friend what a perdiciment.
How about letting her make menus and place cards? and put together seating arrangements on her side. Put together favors and whatever they are using to throw at the ceremony..
tell her to stik up for having her friend marry them. that its REALLY IMPORTANT!
Its funny cus she told her even if you book a minister, my friend is still doing it. I'll just tell him to leave. And his mom doesn't listen. Its crazy. My friends mom is probably frustrated. But I know her- she was my boss for 8 years, and she is very non confrontational. Im going to have a talk with her when I go for her shower. Im going to assess the situation. Im even willing to be the bad guy and say something that is hinting about it. LOL I dont care. Im also day of coordinating her wedding, so i told her to just tell me what she has planned that needs to not be there etc. and I'll make sure its not- even if that means sending away the poor minister. granted his mom is offering to pay for anything she thinks needs to be there, but it has been made clear they dont want it.
good thing your be running the show for her so you can make sure things are the way she wants. im sure the fmil just doenst GET IT... and what a crummy situation for her cuz you dotn want to be rude to your fmil but she needs to put her foot down!!!
GinaZ
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
Posted by Soon2BMrsD
Posted by GinaZ
Posted by Soon2BMrsD
Does your friends mom mind that her FMIL is stepping in so much? my mom would be so hurt if she didnt do my shower.
i feel so bad for your friend what a perdiciment.
How about letting her make menus and place cards? and put together seating arrangements on her side. Put together favors and whatever they are using to throw at the ceremony..
tell her to stik up for having her friend marry them. that its REALLY IMPORTANT!
Its funny cus she told her even if you book a minister, my friend is still doing it. I'll just tell him to leave. And his mom doesn't listen. Its crazy. My friends mom is probably frustrated. But I know her- she was my boss for 8 years, and she is very non confrontational. Im going to have a talk with her when I go for her shower. Im going to assess the situation. Im even willing to be the bad guy and say something that is hinting about it. LOL I dont care. Im also day of coordinating her wedding, so i told her to just tell me what she has planned that needs to not be there etc. and I'll make sure its not- even if that means sending away the poor minister. granted his mom is offering to pay for anything she thinks needs to be there, but it has been made clear they dont want it.
good thing your be running the show for her so you can make sure things are the way she wants. im sure the fmil just doenst GET IT... and what a crummy situation for her cuz you dotn want to be rude to your fmil but she needs to put her foot down!!!
ya I don't think she fully gets it either. She doesn't have a daughter and it seems like she should have adopted one so she could be a MOB. LOL. And it is great she is so excited, but its just getting to be waaay to much.
futuremrsfab
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
Its nice that she wants to help, but she really doesnt know when to back down.
What about having her do the rehearsal dinner- find the place, order favors, get a cake- it will be like her very own mini-wedding!
GinaZ
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
Posted by futuremrsfab
Its nice that she wants to help, but she really doesnt know when to back down.
What about having her do the rehearsal dinner- find the place, order favors, get a cake- it will be like her very own mini-wedding!
They already booked the place- but good idea- maybe she can really make her focus be on that. My friend can even tell her she has to send invites for it and make a favor etc. LOL. I'll def propose this as an idea...
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
I think that your friend and her FH have to really sit down and talk to her. To tell her in a nice way that this is their wedding and they want to make important decisions such as what invites to use, what type of ceremony they want and etc. They really should do this before the wedding and make sure she gets her FH involved. Seems like the mother is just like this all the time, and she will continue to do it throughout their lives. They need to put a stop to this now.
GinaZ
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
Posted by Espo22
I think that your friend and her FH have to really sit down and talk to her. To tell her in a nice way that this is their wedding and they want to make important decisions such as what invites to use, what type of ceremony they want and etc. They really should do this before the wedding and make sure she gets her FH involved. Seems like the mother is just like this all the time, and she will continue to do it throughout their lives. They need to put a stop to this now.
Thats exactly what I told my friend when I first learned about all this. I agree with you 100%. She said she talked to her FH about it and asked if either he could say something or if they could together. And he doesn't see what the big deal is. He was like 'just let her plan it.' And my friend was like 'ummmm no! I get one wedding and I want to plan it.' So basically it has only been the bride asking her to stop, not both of them. So basically im just trying to help out in other ways because I do not forsee it stopping or them sitting her down to talk about it. But maybe I can convince them....
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
Posted by GinaZ
Posted by Espo22
I think that your friend and her FH have to really sit down and talk to her. To tell her in a nice way that this is their wedding and they want to make important decisions such as what invites to use, what type of ceremony they want and etc. They really should do this before the wedding and make sure she gets her FH involved. Seems like the mother is just like this all the time, and she will continue to do it throughout their lives. They need to put a stop to this now.
Thats exactly what I told my friend when I first learned about all this. I agree with you 100%. She said she talked to her FH about it and asked if either he could say something or if they could together. And he doesn't see what the big deal is. He was like 'just let her plan it.' And my friend was like 'ummmm no! I get one wedding and I want to plan it.' So basically it has only been the bride asking her to stop, not both of them. So basically im just trying to help out in other ways because I do not forsee it stopping or them sitting her down to talk about it. But maybe I can convince them....
ugh that s*cks and thats a problem. I mean even when you take pre-cana they tell you that now you two are a family and you can't let the inlaws get that involved in your life and have to stick together. If this is something that really bothers her then he needs to respect that, even if he doesnt agree with it he has to see its something that effects her and stick by her side just for that reason. He has to have her back in these situations or it will just cause more problems down the road.
GinaZ
Posted:
Member since
Re: ideas needed. Sorry this is sort of long. But please help.
Posted by Espo22
Posted by GinaZ
Posted by Espo22
I think that your friend and her FH have to really sit down and talk to her. To tell her in a nice way that this is their wedding and they want to make important decisions such as what invites to use, what type of ceremony they want and etc. They really should do this before the wedding and make sure she gets her FH involved. Seems like the mother is just like this all the time, and she will continue to do it throughout their lives. They need to put a stop to this now.
Thats exactly what I told my friend when I first learned about all this. I agree with you 100%. She said she talked to her FH about it and asked if either he could say something or if they could together. And he doesn't see what the big deal is. He was like 'just let her plan it.' And my friend was like 'ummmm no! I get one wedding and I want to plan it.' So basically it has only been the bride asking her to stop, not both of them. So basically im just trying to help out in other ways because I do not forsee it stopping or them sitting her down to talk about it. But maybe I can convince them....
ugh that s*cks and thats a problem. I mean even when you take pre-cana they tell you that now you two are a family and you can't let the inlaws get that involved in your life and have to stick together. If this is something that really bothers her then he needs to respect that, even if he doesnt agree with it he has to see its something that effects her and stick by her side just for that reason. He has to have her back in these situations or it will just cause more problems down the road.
ya good point! Its just ahrd for some guys to 'get it.' I think. Like my DH was pretty good cus he has two older sisters. But this guy just has a brother. Its just funny cus my friend really wanted such a simple wedding with not a lot of fuss and his mom wants the opposite. i just hope they can work it all out. I also feel bad for her mom cus I remember at her sisters wedding I met the future MIL and she was also crazy- but in a different way. She was very cold towards everyone and the morning of the wedding, after her sister was all dressed and ready to go, she begged her to not marry him! Can you even imagine??? I just wish they could ahve some stress free weddings! LOL!
