If I don't hyphenate ...

I wanted to keep my last name as my middle name but now I'm thinking about just hyphenating after an incident today. Long story short, the year-long psych & law thesis I worked on in college is going to be published in a journal. My then-advisor did a follow-up study in the years since I graduated, so we're being listed as co-authors. He sent me an email asking how I want to be listed, so I said 'well, since it's going to be after 7/30, just put me in as Jennifer OldName NewName, Esq.'

He sent me a draft of the article and I'm listed as 'Jennifer O. NewName, Esq.' My old last name just gets an initial? Are people just going to drop my old name completely if I don't hyphenate? I'm going to ask him to change it, but I'm just so sad. I want people to know who I am when they see it. No one knows Jennifer O. NewName!

I'm just not ready to drop my last name completely -- that's why I want it as my middle name. So I can ease the transition

First, congrats on your article being published, you should be very proud.

It's really hard to decide on the name thing. As far as my current last name... I am last one to carry it. So, if I completely take FH's last name, then my last name will be dead, it will never be carried on.

However, my sister hyphenated, and she is telling me not to hyphenate b/c she said it's the biggest pain ever. She said people are constantly saying, 'Do you go by this or this? Ok, wait.. lemme see if you are listed under this.... But maybe we have it under this...'

I can understand your frustration... It's a hard decision to make. I still don't know what I'm going to do.

Congrats on being published. I am struggling with that same problem with the names. I feel torn - I like my old name but want to be part of new one as well. How long is too long for a hypehnated name?

Can you stay with your old name professionally and the new one socially?

Congrats on being published!!!!!!

I totally get what you mean though about changing your name. People will tend to drop your old name and just call you Mrs. Newname. This is EXACTLY the reason that I don't want to change my name at all. FI doesn't mind and I know tons of female lawyers who never changed or hypenated.

I have been practicing for a while and everyone knows me professionally as Miss Current name. If I change to his name, I will have to go through tons of hurdles including making a motion in all the courts to which I'm admitted to pracitce under my new name. All my degrees have my current name.

One partner I know never changed at all so her kids have a different name. Another recently married partner has not used her new name at work but I heard her making a call while we were in a cab coming back from court and she told the called it was Mrs. NewName. She kind of giggled about it since NOBODY at work knows her by that name although she married another partner at the firm.

A friend hypenated and it was SUCH A HASSLE. E-mail is the worst for her since so many people use the first initial and last name. It took her new job over a month to finally fix it to initial.oldname-newname.

Another friend, not a lawyer, just changed on her marriage license & passport so when she travels with there will be no issue with her traveling solo with the kids. ETA - she did get a small inconspicious tattoo with her new last name though. I think that was the only way her husband would agree to not change her name

I am still uncertain about how I will handle it - but I am leaning toward NOT changing it at all.

congrats on being published!


Thats why I'm keeping my name!

I am having a hard time with this...my new last name is going to be plain, and 'generic' if you will.

my real current name is nice and says a lot about me. For one-that I'm Italian.

I was going to make my last name my middle name too, but don't want it to end up being just an initial either.

I think I'm going to hyphenate. Especially since it will irritate my mother-in-law!!!! that gives me all the more reason

WOO-HOO Jennie thats great news! Congrats . If I were you I think I'd hyphenate.

congrats, jennie---

as for the whole name change thing, i never imagined that i would do something out of the traditional. but i got really sentimental when i got engaged and realized i could not let go of my last name. it's a part of my dad, (and mom) and i'm just not ready to change that part yet, i guess. also, i grew up with people having such a hard time pronouncing my last name that i began disliking it, but now that i'm older, i like that it's different.

sorry so long; it's such a personal choice--- but honestly, i don't see people including your last name with your married name in things (articles, etc.) unless it's hyphenated. i think people just think it's too long to include both.

Congrats on getting published!

The name thing...ugh. I'll admit to all of you ladies that I was in tears when we went to get the marriage license. I didn't realize I had to make a name decision on the spot. (I know you can change it later, but it's a big hassle to do so...trust me )

I have so much professional history with my old name and a great emotional attachment to it (a lot of my good friends call my by my maiden name instead of my first name), so I couldn't see giving it up completely. After much deliberation, I came to the conclusion that the maiden-as-middle compromise wasn't going to solve the problem. All the reasons I wanted to do it that way seemed to be better served by hyphenating. So, legally, I am a hyphenate; professionally, I've continued to use my maiden name; and in social circles, I'm totally cool with being Mrs. NewName. The only time the whole hyphenate thing really comes into play is when I sign a check, but silly as it sounds, it just makes me feel better to know both names are officially recorded somewhere. I feel like I have the best of all worlds.

Lately, I've been trying out the new name(s) in different venues to see how it strikes me to see it written out, i.e; filling out the slip at the 1-hr photo place as Mrs. NewName or getting my library card as Ms. Oldname-NewName. It's really incredible how much emotion is wrapped up in the handful of letters that spell a last name.

In the final analysis, you have to be comfortable with whatever you decide. As far as the concern about work e-mail and such, the IT folks will handle it. I'm sure you will not be the first person in your company to go the hyphen route. And I don't think hyphenating is all that cumbersome. My former boss has a hyphenated name, and people don't seem to have a problem e-mailing her at firstname.oldname-newname.com.

People in general will assume that you are Mrs. NewName, so it really comes down to how much policing you want to do-- how far you want to go with correcting people and making sure they remember to keep the maiden name in the equation. When given a choice, people will always shorten it to make it easier on themselves.

Enough rambling from me. Do whatever feels right for you. Easier said than done, I know, but you'll figure it out.

See, I knew you were smart! Congrats on the article and the prestige that goes along with being a published attorney!

I too, have had the old name dropped and mostly an initial is used. I didn't want to hyphenate though. I just didn't like the way it looked.

I totally understand. I was just talking to my sister about this five minutes ago. I have 3 advanced degrees and none of them say my new name- I have been Ms. XXXXX forever- ok 35 years. But its so hard. I am doing the same thing you are and add my last name as my middle name. I didn't think about it. But couldn't you have asked him to put your old name if he is going to abbreviate????

Edited to say! Congrats!!!! That is an awesome achievement!!!!I was so shocked you just posted about what we we talking about that I forgot!!!

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Posted by ckgmwedding

I totally understand. I was just talking to my sister about this five minutes ago. I have 3 advanced degrees and none of them say my new name- I have been Ms. XXXXX forever- ok 35 years. But its so hard. I am doing the same thing you are and add my last name as my middle name. I didn't think about it. But couldn't you have asked him to put your old name if he is going to abbreviate????

Edited to say! Congrats!!!! That is an awesome achievement!!!!I was so shocked you just posted about what we we talking about that I forgot!!!

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Thanks! Since I'm pretty much just starting my professional career, I wanted to include my new last name on the article since I'll be using it for the rest of my career. I plan to have both names on my business cards, etc.

He changed it for me but said that the reviewers might ask us to change it due to APA formatting rules. I told them that we could always just throw a hyphen in there so it's all one name

GOOD PLAN- just hypenate if you have to for the article. I kinda of wish I never even looked at this thread. Now I really want to hypenate but its too late- the license is done.

Congrats on the publication! I totally totally totally agree with your concerns and questions. I'm very much in the same boat. I've published with last name, but am very much at the beginning of my career so if I'm going to change, now is the time, I guess. I'm leaning towards OldName professionally and adding New Name legally and figuring out what the hell to use in private life sometime down the road. This issue is really hard for me. I can really see it both ways. I want us to in some way share a 'family' name, but I'm not willing to give up MY name Good luck...

And congrats again, that's awesome!

I am flipping about this too. I am a teacher and I do not want to me called Mrs newname at ALL. My current name is so much cooler and 'teacherish' than new name and I will feel like people are calling me my MIL's name.

I want to keep my old name or teaching and change my name legally. Can I do that without hyphenating?

Congrats on being published - what an amazing achievement

In your case I would hyphenate the names. I would too, but that would make me Mrs. O'Dxxxxx-O'Hxxxx, which sounds a bit stupid That's why I'm keeping my maiden name (which I prefer anyway) and as we're not planning on having kids, it shouldn't cause any complications.

Congratulations on your article!!!! Thats a great accomplishment.!.

I am one of the women that will be 'dropping' my name - eventually So, my opinion may be swayed with that. However, the way I feel, is your last name does not define who you are; you define who you are. It may even be better that its published that way, and once you get your Law degree (I believe that is what you are going for) you are building everything on your new name - on your new life - but still same old you.
In the future, with kids and all, it will be MUCH easier if you and FH and children have the same name - will releave lots of headaches!

I think you should do what ever feels right to you. To me, it feels like I am starting a new chapter in my life; with a new name.