If someone elopes, do you still give gifts?

I always thought you gave $$$$$$$ or wedding gifts to a bride and groom because of the party they invited you too, ...this probably sounds stupid, but that's what I thought, kind of like a thank you for inviting me to your wedding.

I know someone that is probably going to elope (just her and her FI, no family at all), and she expects everyone that she would've invited to the wedding ot still send her money.

I just thought that if you weren't invited to a wedding, you don't send money...maybe I'm totally wrong.

First of all, the money thing is definitely not something that is done everywhere. In most other parts of the country, it would be insulting to give a bride and groom money as a wedding gift. The purpose of a gift is to congratulate them on their marriage, and typically, to help them set up their new home together. Brides and grooms didn't live together before they got married in eras past, and the bride usually went from her parents' house to her newlywed house, so the things that we now put on our registry are the things that would be given as gifts - the things that would fill an empty house.
The gifts are not meant as a thank you for being invited to the wedding. Therefore, I would say that if your friends are eloping and have a gift registry, get them something off the registry, or, if not, or if you don't want to purchase a gift, send them a card with money.

The idea that guests at a wedding are supposed to 'pay' for their dinner with a gift is silly to me and the idea that unless you are invited to a party, you shouldn't give the couple a gift if you want to seems silly to me as well. It's about the marriage, not the wedding. JMHO.

Let me just say that this person is not a friend and not someone I'm close with...my email may have come off as this meany who won't give a friend a gift. That's not the case....

I know that you don't ALWAYS give money to someone for a wedding present and that not everyone does that, but something that I've always done as well as my family has been to give the gifts off the registry as bridal shower gifts, and money as wedding gifts.

I just wanted to address jannshari's post that guests shouldn't have to 'pay' for their dinner. Of course not, it's not like you hand them a bill at the end of the evening, but I understand what you mean. However, whenver I go to a wedding, I'm sure to give enough money that will at least cover what they shelled out for me.

Just wanted to clarify what I wrote....

I guess I really know the answer of my original question, this person isn't a friend, and if I wasn't invited to the wedding I probably wouldn't buy a gift. ok, that's all.

If it's not a friend, then don't worry about it. I hope you didn't think I was attacking you in any way.

The whole paying for your dinner thing didn't come from your post, but from my feelings in general. I'm not wealthy, so when I go to a wedding, I'd rather get something from the registry that's within my range than giving the equivalent to what I feel the bride and groom spent on me. The way I see it, there's no way to know how much they spent per person unless they told you, and if you were invited to their house for a party, you wouldn't be expected to give them what you think they spent on your portion of the food as a gift for the host and hostess. That's just my personal feelings on the issue, that's all. But as far as your situation, if you don't even consider these people to be friends, you shouldn't feel obligated to get them a gift.

On don't worry about it, I know it's just your opinion! No prob!