IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

My Best friend has recently come into money issues and is in a wedding in the next few weeks (not mine) She has faithfully and without incident fulfilled all of the BM obligations...(shower, dress, shoes, hair, bachlorette party, etc) Is it tacky to not give a gift at the actual wedding? Not a LI/NY wedding.
She is upset and concerned and wants to
know what her options are, so if you have a helpful opinion/suggestion for what she should do or perhaps an alternative for giving a monetary gift please share! TIA

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

I would completely understand if any of my BM did not give a gift. They are shelling out so much to be in the wedding I would hope that they don't go broke just to attend. I think she should talk to the bride and tell her how much she wants to do something, but right now just can't. I would hope the bride would be understanding.

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

Can she make them something? She could make them a scrapbook - perhaps get the bride's FH to help and provide some photos, keepsakes, or maybe she has some keepsakes from her time as a fiance - things saved from the shower, bach party, etc, other events that she can put together and then leave blank pages that hte couple can continue to fill together now that they're official... I'm sure there are other things that can be made too... or she could surprise them with a nice breakfast picnic or something like that the morning after. Creative gifts like that have a lot of meaning and I certainly appreciated all the creative gifts I got. One of my BM's couldn't really afford to be in the bridal party but it was important to me that she be part of it, so I paid for her dress and pitched in in other ways unknown to the other girls because I didn't want her to feel bad. Anyway, for my shower, she put together this really great honeymoon kit - got a beach bag with a book and sunglasses and other beachy and sentimental stuff. Not very expensive, but it was one of my favorite gifts - and she really spent a lot of time picking out a book for me that I would like and I loved it, and it meant a lot that she could pick somehting for me, the VERY picky reader, to enjoy. It was really great, and meant more than the checks I got (though I certainly appreciate those too, just in a different way).

ETA: I also would've understood if she hadn't gotten me anything at all and talked to me about it. So much $$$ is spent on being a BM, and their presence and participation can be my gift. I didn't expect anything extravagant from any of the girls.

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

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Posted by mbm750

Can she make them something? She could make them a scrapbook - perhaps get the bride's FH to help and provide some photos, keepsakes, or maybe she has some keepsakes from her time as a fiance - things saved from the shower, bach party, etc, other events that she can put together and then leave blank pages that hte couple can continue to fill together now that they're official... I'm sure there are other things that can be made too... or she could surprise them with a nice breakfast picnic or something like that the morning after. Creative gifts like that have a lot of meaning and I certainly appreciated all the creative gifts I got. One of my BM's couldn't really afford to be in the bridal party but it was important to me that she be part of it, so I paid for her dress and pitched in in other ways unknown to the other girls because I didn't want her to feel bad. Anyway, for my shower, she put together this really great honeymoon kit - got a beach bag with a book and sunglasses and other beachy and sentimental stuff. Not very expensive, but it was one of my favorite gifts - and she really spent a lot of time picking out a book for me that I would like and I loved it, and it meant a lot that she could pick somehting for me, the VERY picky reader, to enjoy. It was really great, and meant more than the checks I got (though I certainly appreciate those too, just in a different way).

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I would say the same thing.

My BIL couldn't really afford to give us a monetary gift, but he managed to paint a picture of the 2 of us. That was more important to me and DH than any money gift, because that took thought, time and effort to do. And it's now hanging on our wall.

There's also always buying a gift off the registry, which DH's cousin did for us, and it was cool to still get gifts for the wedding!

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

You guys rock..thanks keep em coming!

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

She should talk to the bride about the situation.... and perhaps if things improve within the year she can send a gift late. I am sure the bride wants her to be there and would understand.

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

I was also going to reccomend a thoughtful gift. If it's not a NY wedding she can definitely get away with it

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

I would understand if my bridesmaid couldn't give a gift. She is shelling out a lot of money to be a bridesmaid.

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

I think she just needs to have a heart to heart with the bride and than like the others said make her something. Tell her to find her creative side and use it. Even if her creative side is orginizing a closet then maybe she could sneak in to their house and clean up a little for them. Anything that she does that takes time and thought will be remembered far more than any monetary gift you give.

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

I would think if she is close to the bride (which she should be if she's a bridesmaid) the bride should understand her situation and not expect a gift. Your friend should get a card though - there is no excuse not to give a card.

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

Does she do crafts?
What she do for a living? Maybe she can offer her professional services

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

Most of my out of town friends are appalled at what NY/NJ/CT people give as wedding gifts, so most of them just get something off the registry anyway.

I'm sure if she even just gave a card with a nice note it would be appreciated - well, depending on the bride

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

If she is a BM in the wedding the bride or groom considered her to be of importance to them so they should know and understand what is going on in this person's life and should not be upset if this BM does not give a gift especially conidering she fulfilled her BM duties

Re: IF you are a broke bridesmaid....

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Posted by JazzyT

If she is a BM in the wedding the bride or groom considered her to be of importance to them so they should know and understand what is going on in this person's life and should not be upset if this BM does not give a gift especially conidering she fulfilled her BM duties

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I agree. Good advice