If your family is paying...

Original post by Goldi1021

Apr 29, 2005 11:36 AM

If you are the bride, and your family is paying for your wedding. How much input or influence did your FIL's have on decision making?

The question comes because I am very fotunate and grateful to have a family who can provide a wedding for me and FH. My mother is a very stubborn woman and does not want my FMIL to have any influence in the choice of venue. I happen to agree with her because they are not paying at all - which is fine and does not upset me. But FH spoke a little too soon and told his mother that she can see the place before a contract is signed. IMO, BAD MOVE! I had to nitty gritty it for him. No $$$ no say. Sounds a lil bitc*y but thats the way it is int he land of Momma Goldi.

Goldi1021 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 03:34 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

Posted by JessicaM.

Actually, no one has shown much of an interest anyway (hence the my vent on this board!) I guess in a way, it would be nice for someone to care enough to WANT to see it...

Can I come see it?

JessicaM. Posted: Apr 29, 2005 03:37 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

Posted by Goldi1021

Posted by JessicaM.

Actually, no one has shown much of an interest anyway (hence the my vent on this board!) I guess in a way, it would be nice for someone to care enough to WANT to see it...

Can I come see it?

aww Goldi thanks! I would LOVE to show you....the food is fantastic! Thanks!

Goldi1021 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 03:40 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

Posted by JessicaM.

aww Goldi thanks! I would LOVE to show you....the food is fantastic! Thanks!

Any time! We just went to our first temple last night and I know this is the right place for us. FH and Mom want to see another place to be able to make a comparison so I have to sit and wait but I am so excited!!!

glinda_goodwitch Posted: Apr 29, 2005 03:41 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

My parents are paying the bulk, but FILs are also helping us out. We are very lucky that the inlaws all really like each other. But, FH and I live in MD, while my parents live in Boston and FILs live in Queens. So they've been leaving the big decisions up to us. We decided on the photographer/videographer, DJ, and the place (with my parents very enthusiastic blessing; they LOVED Jericho Terrace just from the website and talking to Michael Closs on the phone). For flowers, my mom wants lots of input, which is fine. And my FILs want input on the menu, but they are Italian and know food. So its actually working out well.

sarahbelle Posted: Apr 29, 2005 03:52 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

FH and I are paying for everything as well, but we took his parents to see the hall. We wanted an unbiased eye to make sure they thought it was as great as we did.

I understand what you are saying about starting the relationship off on the right foot. I think you can take her after you book to show her what you have chosen. If she is tactful, she will tell you how much she loves it and how excited she is for your wedding. Good luck!

kellwolfe Posted: Apr 29, 2005 03:54 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

To be honest they havent said a word really ....they asked a few times about wanted more people .....I told them they can have as many as they want but after what my parents are paying for there going to have to chip in but as fair as ideas ....they havent even asked what we are doing let alone give there thoughts

PixieKelly Posted: Apr 29, 2005 04:24 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

no imput from FIL's. FMIL came to the food tasting and was shocked at the venue. She said-- 'I feel like such a country bumpkin, I've never been to a wedding in such a nice looking place'. lol....

rafiki Posted: Apr 29, 2005 05:07 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

i don't think the in-laws will say peep about what my parents are paying for. supposedly the in laws are giving us $$ for stuff, but if they insist on having an opinion, i will not take the $$. i'm not interested in having too many people involved in the decision making process, in addition, i have low tolerance and almost no patience for this sort of thing. event planning is about 33% part of my professional life and i HATE IT. i also know how much easier it is to get things done when there are very few people involved. i haven't done anything for the wedding yet. it will be interesting.....

beatle06 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 06:20 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

Goldi, I know what you mean.. this is my BIGGEST pet peeve--

psf80 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 07:10 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

I'm fortunate enough to have both of our parent's contributing to the wedding. His parents are paying for the florist, the band, the honeymoon and the photographer. My parents are paying for the temple. Even though my FILs weren't paying for that particular portion of the wedding, I allowed them to be involved in the process and in fact, I wanted them to be. It's their son getting married, and their day too, regardless if they're contributing or not. I wanted them to feel involved in the process because I knew how much it would mean to his mother to feel involved. That said, you can let them feel involved and express their opinions and leave it at that. Their opinions are not the final word and do not have to have much pull, but they don't have to know that. I don't see the harm in showing his mom the temple, I think it's important for both sets of parents to be involved or at least feel involved. But that's just my opinion and perhaps I feel this way because his parents and I get along very well.

Goldi1021 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 07:12 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

You are right. FH and I decided that she can air her opinions and suggest all she wants. We will use any suggestion we can and like. But my mother is still my mother and I have to respect her too. If she says, no say then no say.

DrBeLLaRoSe Posted: Apr 30, 2005 11:53 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

my family is paying for most of the wedding. I took them to see my favorite catering hall which was a reasonable price. They said it was too far and hard to get to. they started to mention all these cheesy reception halls i could have instead. So instead of get upset i just ended up choosing a hall that they could all be happy with
oh well serves 'em right for being so picky!
let them all suggest whatever they want to hehehehe

EmberLynn Posted: May 01, 2005 08:32 AM

Re: If your family is paying...

I agree with you 100%. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and we laid the law down with his family and mine. We are paying, so they have NO say what happenes. Its a nice jester let your mother in law to be to see the place before you put the down payment. If she is respectful toward your wishes, she may have a better suggestion that is either more affordable or nicer than what you offered. Even though your family is paying, make sure they remember this isn't their wedding but yours. Thats why my fiance and I are paying for ours, we want things our way and no one elses. Good luck with your wedding and all and remember have fun!