If your family is paying...

Goldi1021 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 11:36 AM

If your family is paying...

If you are the bride, and your family is paying for your wedding. How much input or influence did your FIL's have on decision making?

The question comes because I am very fotunate and grateful to have a family who can provide a wedding for me and FH. My mother is a very stubborn woman and does not want my FMIL to have any influence in the choice of venue. I happen to agree with her because they are not paying at all - which is fine and does not upset me. But FH spoke a little too soon and told his mother that she can see the place before a contract is signed. IMO, BAD MOVE! I had to nitty gritty it for him. No $$$ no say. Sounds a lil bitc*y but thats the way it is int he land of Momma Goldi.

Blu-ize Posted: Apr 29, 2005 11:42 AM

Re: If your family is paying...

That's a nice gesture on your part to let them see it before you book it, but it must be clear that there is no 'say' in it. I think it needs to be as a gesture and nothing else. Your FH should make that clear. Are your FILs the type who will want a say?

CJStein Posted: Apr 29, 2005 11:44 AM

Re: If your family is paying...

My family is paying the bulk of the reception venue costs. But, I wanted my FIL's to see the place and let me know what they thought. They kept saying 'it's your thing, we'll like whatever you pick,' but I wanted to hear their thoughts b/c it's a special day for them too.

Luckily, they loved what we chose.

cjb88 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 11:47 AM

Re: If your family is paying...

our families are not paying for anything... however we did take FILs and my mother to our hall before we booked... the final decision was up to us and in the end they had no say, but we valued both of their opinions and just wanted to make sure there were no glaring problems with where we booked...i tihnk you should take fmil with you (since she was already invited) and just take what she says with a grain of salt... it would be a nice gesture

Goldi1021 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 11:51 AM

Re: If your family is paying...

They all sound like great ideas but it won't happen. Mom wants FILs to wait until after the contract is signed. Oh well. Shes 73 and not terribly flexible.

cindyandkevin Posted: Apr 29, 2005 12:01 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

So bring your FILs down to the RH, or have your FH do it. But don't tell your mom. It's perfectly understandable for the MOG to want to see where her son is getting married, she's just as excited as you and your mother. Don't make her wait!!

buggiegirl Posted: Apr 29, 2005 12:03 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

Posted by cindyandkevin

So bring your FILs down to the RH, or have your FH do it. But don't tell your mom. It's perfectly understandable for the MOG to want to see where her son is getting married, she's just as excited as you and your mother. Don't make her wait!!

I agree- JMO it isn't about money- for us anyway.

Goldi1021 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 12:04 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

Posted by buggiegirl

Posted by cindyandkevin

So bring your FILs down to the RH, or have your FH do it. But don't tell your mom. It's perfectly understandable for the MOG to want to see where her son is getting married, she's just as excited as you and your mother. Don't make her wait!!

I agree- JMO it isn't about money- for us anyway.

I actually suggested that to him but in the event that she hates it, it wouldnt make a difference in our choice.

Kerrycec Posted: Apr 29, 2005 12:11 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

my family is paying for the hall and my dress. FI mother is paying for the rehersal and photographer. I let both sides have a say because I didn't want to start a marriage with enemies in the family. My friend did that, and I find it sad

FormerlyKnownAsQ Posted: Apr 29, 2005 12:13 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

The only thing my mom is paying for is my dress and my veil. Everything else we are paying for.

Goldi1021 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 12:15 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

Posted by Kerrycec

my family is paying for the hall and my dress. FI mother is paying for the rehersal and photographer. I let both sides have a say because I didn't want to start a marriage with enemies in the family. My friend did that, and I find it sad

I reminded my mom that I am joining someone else's family and do not want to start a marriage with strife. The fact of the matter is that I anticipate issues with my FMIL down the line way past my wedding day. FH will just have to be the buffer and remember his allegiances are with his new wife.

gNi1125 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 12:38 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

Let him take her and see it. No biggie. Even if she doesn't like it...who cares...she's not flipping the bill for it. That's what we did with my FMIL. We took her to Russo's and said 'This is where we chose'. She wasn't that crazy about it...but I couldn't care any less.

Kim51103 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 12:39 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

My parents are paying for our whole wedding....which we are both very thankful for...
my Future in laws can have a say....bc when we go see something or book something we tell them....its just that my parents want to pay...maybe its old fashion

Goldi1021 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 12:40 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

I personally dont care. My mom does.

sarahthegreat Posted: Apr 29, 2005 12:43 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

i completely agree. no pay, no say!!! chris and i are covering the hall, well, and everything else, but the hall mostly b/c we don't want to have to invite family members (his family) that we don't want there. i tell him, call me a biotch all you want, but your family is too f'in big to invite everyone. and this is where we completly agree.

italia6973 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 01:03 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

My dad is paying the bulk of everything. FMIL tried to but in but I will not let her. IMO if they are not contributing than they should have no say!

july06bride Posted: Apr 29, 2005 01:04 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

FH and I are fortunate to have my parents paying for the wedding and we chose the venue, me and my mom and FH... We are choosing the menu and we chose the extras...

amazon_gracie Posted: Apr 29, 2005 01:09 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

My parents are paying for half and my FH and I are paying for the other half. No offense but if his fam isn't contributing, they don't get much of a say in anything. I appreciate their advice since they've been through the whole wedding thing but when it comes down to it... they don't get a final or close to final say.

JP&EP Posted: Apr 29, 2005 03:01 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

My parents are also paying for the entire wedding. They went with us when we booked the hall. The FIL's were not invited. They did however complain that it is too far to travel for a lot of their guests, but I let that comment go right over my head.

I know my Mom feels that if they are not paying nor are they offering to pay for anything then they really don't have a say in terms of location, vendors etc.

JessicaM. Posted: Apr 29, 2005 03:32 PM

Re: If your family is paying...

FH and I are paying for EVERYTHING...and I mean every, single, little thing. Neither of our parents are taking part in the planning (my mom already told me I am too expensive for her ) and that is fine with me. I guess if they asked to see it, I would let them, but I don't think anyone would dare say a word.

Actually, no one has shown much of an interest anyway (hence the my vent on this board!) I guess in a way, it would be nice for someone to care enough to WANT to see it...