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If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

glinda_goodwitch Posted:

If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

where do you send the reply cards? FH and I are organizing the whole guest list and my mother became insanely mad when I said I thought the replys would come to us. So every time someone replys, she would have to call and let us know.
Also, it's more exciting for me to open the replys since I'M the one getting married Is it tradition to have them sent to the person who is paying for the wedding? It will be clear on the invitation wording that my parents are paying.
kam0813 Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

i'm pretty sure traditionally the RSVP's go to the person paying for the wedding...have you sat down with your mother and told her how you feel about it? Maybe if she knew how excited you were to open the RSVP's yourself she wouldn't be so upset. Or maybe she's afraid that you won't tell her who has RSVPed and what their response was?

jeanla4c Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

We had the reply cards go to my apt in VA even though the invitation came from my parents in NY (who paid for the majority of the wedding). We bought the invitations and I figured it was just easier to organize everything that way. My parents weren't happy but they got over it quickly an din the end was much easier!

tourist Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

I had all the rsvps come to me. We were doing all the planning, so it jsut made sense.

Blu-ize Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

Posted by tourist

I had all the rsvps come to me. We were doing all the planning, so it jsut made sense.


I agree
Beth1210 Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

My Dad is paying

we live together- but I was unsure if we were moving Nov 1 or not- so I had the the replays go to my Dad- which was super annoying

I would have had them come to me - but I didn't find out that we were staying until after they were printed!
nov04LIbride Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

Etiquette says that they go to whoever is paying....If your mom feels strongly about it and they are paying, I would let her get them.

MJDoc12 Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

these days i think etiquette should go out the window! i mean if we were all about 'true etiquette', none of us would be living together b4 marriage, having pre-marital sex, we couldn't wear white on our wedding days, or children before marriage!!

that being said...while etiquette says the people paying for the big day should get the reply's...i think if you are planning it and such, you should really be the one who receives the reply's so you can organize better. you should tell your mom you truly appreciate what they are doing, but that it would make you feel better, as well as organize much easier, if you could receive the reply's. let her know that you will totally be coming to her with seating charts and such and her assistance thru the process.

glinda_goodwitch Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

Posted by nov04LIbride

Etiquette says that they go to whoever is paying....If your mom feels strongly about it and they are paying, I would let her get them.


That's fine. But I wish she had talked to me like an actual person rather than screaming at the top of her lungs on the way to the airport to drop me off. She didn't even say goodbye My plane could have crashed and she never said good bye, I love you, or any of that. It was just so awful. I cried so much during this vacation (she was awful to me the whole time I visited)
Goldi1021 Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

My family is paying for the bulk of our wedding. FH and I did much of the legwork because my mother is not very mobile and walks with a cane - sometimes uses a wheelchair. She physically could not handle a lot of it. HOWEVER, we appreciate and respect the fact that she is paying for about 80% of the wedding and regardless of how much work she can or can't do, she is entitled to have the RSVPs returned to her household.

FH and I use our names and phone numbers for primary contacts with all vendors because mom would end up having to call us anyway - we simply took out the middle man.

To help her keep things organized, I made her a file box with file cards that will allow her to alphabetize AND numerically organize the responses (number hand written on the bottom right corner of the back of the RSVPs in case people forget to sign). In addition, she has a check list. When the responses come in, she checks off 'yes,' 'no,' 'number of guests,' and if they sent a gift. In addition, I will call her every other day or so just to satisfy my own curiosity.
kam29 Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

Posted by glinda_goodwitch

where do you send the reply cards? FH and I are organizing the whole guest list and my mother became insanely mad when I said I thought the replys would come to us. So every time someone replys, she would have to call and let us know.
Also, it's more exciting for me to open the replys since I'M the one getting married Is it tradition to have them sent to the person who is paying for the wedding? It will be clear on the invitation wording that my parents are paying.


I am in the SAME situation! I thought that the replys would come to my FH and I but my parents were clear about their feelings on that- there is no way that my parents will have the invites come to us, they must go to my parents house. I had the same argument, about calling and constantly letting me know who said yes or no but my parents are firm on this. Must be and old tradition.....
Marcie Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

My parents were paying for the reception and DH and I were paying for the rest. I think originally my mother wanted the RSVPs to go to her house, but I said to her isn't it unreasonable for me to drive an extra 20 minutes to her house to pick them up to drive another 20 minutes back to my house. She understood. I just spoke to her about it.
DH and I had so much fun opening them together, tell your mom that you want to experience that as well.
JBKempf Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

His parents are paying for the reception and mine are paying for everything else. The RSVPs came to us in Florida, while the wedding is up in NY.

MattsBride Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

I'm sorry that your mother gave you such a hard time! Maybe now that she has cooled off you can talk to her about your feelings and reason for wanting them to be returned to you. I don't have this situation, but I know that when my friend got married last year the RSVPs were sent to her parents home in NY. She and her then FI lived together in MI. I know her parents called everyday when the mail came to tell her who replied and what they said and she was always very excited. I know it can be a pain, but if your parents are paying and your mother is so upset by it maybe you can just let them be mailed to her and she can call you every day.

babybug631 Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

We had ours sent to my parents house.

glinda_goodwitch Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

Posted by MattsBride

I'm sorry that your mother gave you such a hard time! Maybe now that she has cooled off you can talk to her about your feelings and reason for wanting them to be returned to you. I don't have this situation, but I know that when my friend got married last year the RSVPs were sent to her parents home in NY. She and her then FI lived together in MI. I know her parents called everyday when the mail came to tell her who replied and what they said and she was always very excited. I know it can be a pain, but if your parents are paying and your mother is so upset by it maybe you can just let them be mailed to her and she can call you every day.


There's no reasoning with her. She is unstable (always has been) and my father just takes her side. You wouldn't believe the screaming like a crazy person that went on in he car. I didn't say anything back and she just kept screaming and banging the car widow. Who does that?
October Bliss Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

I have similar problem. FH & I are paying for the wedding, and my mom wants the invites to say:

Mrs. Mother of the Bride invites you blah blah, and she wants the response cards returned to her. Ummm, excuse me, but we - not her - are paying for this wedding. She did this with my sister's wedding as well, although she did contribute a hefty sum then (our 'hefty' sum is paying for the honeymoon, not one cent is going to the wedding itself, and it is only a promise, not cash in hand).
nferrandi Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

We had them sent to us. Even though my parents paid for the bulk of the wedding, I didn't want to bother them with small details. I just checked in with them and let them know who responded and who hadn't.

jellybean1420 Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

My parents are contributing money to the wedding, not paying for the whole thing but I still had the response cards sent to them.

I guess it is traditional, but more so b/c it was one less thing for me to worry about.
MrsMichel07 Posted:

Re: If you're parents are paying for your wedding, but you and FH live on your own...

I feel that these days rules are MADE to be broken.

My parents wouldn't care one way or another.... they will be coming to our home.

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