I'm a REALLy bad person

I'm going to FH's cousin's wedding in a few weeks and today I found myself thinking 'I hope she doesn't have a dad, that way I won't have to watch her dance with him.' Isn't that horrible?

I don't wish any ill on her, and now that I think of it she DOES have a dad, thank god, but it's going to be so hard to see them dance together, etc

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Posted by marymoon

I'm going to FH's cousin's wedding in a few weeks and today I found myself thinking 'I hope she doesn't have a dad, that way I won't have to watch her dance with him.' Isn't that horrible?

I don't wish any ill on her, and now that I think of it she DOES have a dad, thank god, but it's going to be so hard to see them dance together, etc

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That doesn't make you a bad person. I can totally relate. Even though my dad and I didn't have a great relationship before he passed away, I still to this day have a hard time and get all choked up when a father walks his daughter down the aisle, or the father/daughter dance.
It's tough when you've lost your dad, or he's just a plain azz, to have to watch these things.

Thank you Stacy for you too

Doesn't make you a bad person, I can totally relate to that feeling.

I'm sorry
It doesn't make you a horrible person. It just makes you human.

Jenn:


Just do what my wife ended up doing. She danced with her MOH's dad. Was very nice... and was a total surprise to my wife when her MOH told the DJ and made the announcement.


If you have another male figure you feel close to... its ok to dance with him.

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Posted by DjPiLL

Jenn:


Just do what my wife ended up doing. She danced with her MOH's dad. Was very nice... and was a total surprise to my wife when her MOH told the DJ and made the announcement.


If you have another male figure you feel close to... its ok to dance with him.

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That's a great idea!!

I just lost my father last month. But when I was going to look at photographers/videographers before Dad passed away, I lost it each time I saw the father/daughter dances in the videos. I am angry that I cannot dance with my father. I am angry that he had to suffer for 9 months in a hospital. I am angry that some stupid doctor misdiagnosed him which ultimately led to his death. I am angry that I cannot see him cry on my wedding day. I am angry that my mother has to live alone and worry about how she is going to survive without the love of her life. I am angry they never got to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary which would have been next year. All of those feelings pop-up and I want to punch a wall. I cry everyday. I am fortunate to have a big brother who will be standing in for Dad on my wedding day and as much as I love him, he is not my father.No one can replace him. I understand your situation and why it is hard for you (even though it is different from mine) but try to put the angry feelings aside for one day and be genuinely happy for your cousin. We have a few weddings coming up and I am going to have to 'be strong' when I don't want to be. Then again if one more person tells me to 'be strong' I may lose it. Sorry for the rant. I needed to vent.

ETA:
NO YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON!!!

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Posted by Goldi1021

I just lost my father last month. But when I was going to look at photographers/videographers before Dad passed away, I lost it each time I saw the father/daughter dances in the videos. I am angry that I cannot dance with my father. I am angry that he had to suffer for 9 months in a hospital. I am angry that some stupid doctor misdiagnosed him which ultimately led to his death. I am angry that I cannot see him cry on my wedding day. I am angry that my mother has to live alone and worry about how she is going to survive without the love of her life. I am angry they never got to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary which would have been next year. All of those feelings pop-up and I want to punch a wall. I cry everyday. I am fortunate to have a big brother who will be standing in for Dad on my wedding day and as much as I love him, he is not my father.No one can replace him. I understand your situation and why it is hard for you (even though it is different from mine) but try to put the angry feelings aside for one day and be genuinely happy for your cousin. We have a few weddings coming up and I am going to have to 'be strong' when I don't want to be. Then again if one more person tells me to 'be strong' I may lose it. Sorry for the rant. I needed to vent.

ETA:
NO YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON!!!

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we're here for u

I think I'll go but try to leave the room during the dad/daughter dance. it's such an extended period of time when all the attention is focused on that, I don't think I'll be able to handle it w/o crying hysterically, and I really don't want to draw attention to myself that way.

I think if my dad had passed away, I'd feel differently about it. At least about having someone else walk me down the aisle, etc. I think it's a different kind of pain when God takes someone and they loved you to the end than when someone chooses to leave you. I know if he had died I'd be suffering a great deal, but I'd feel so differently about it. I'd be celebrating his memory at my wedding, and wishing he could be there. Instead I feel like this is calling attention to all the things he's not. If he had died prior to becoming a terrible person at least I could feel like he was looking down on me and feeling so proud. But none of this mattered to him, he just left us all behind.

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Posted by marymoon

I'm going to FH's cousin's wedding in a few weeks and today I found myself thinking 'I hope she doesn't have a dad, that way I won't have to watch her dance with him.' Isn't that horrible?

I don't wish any ill on her, and now that I think of it she DOES have a dad, thank god, but it's going to be so hard to see them dance together, etc

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so sorry i can definetly relate. and umm my dad has to be at my wedding for some reason and i am going to cry and bawl because i know he is someone totally different then when i was little. obviously i cannot stand this man. and it makes me cry as well when i see brides dance with there fathers that care and love eachother.

Note: It's okay also for a person to walk out of the room when these things (dances) come up...

Or even just stand there and watch and cry. It's doubtful that anyone would notice (or mind.)

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Posted by marymoon




I think I'll go but try to leave the room during the dad/daughter dance. it's such an extended period of time when all the attention is focused on that, I don't think I'll be able to handle it w/o crying hysterically, and I really don't want to draw attention to myself that way.

I think if my dad had passed away, I'd feel differently about it. At least about having someone else walk me down the aisle, etc. I think it's a different kind of pain when God takes someone and they loved you to the end than when someone chooses to leave you. I know if he had died I'd be suffering a great deal, but I'd feel so differently about it. I'd be celebrating his memory at my wedding, and wishing he could be there. Instead I feel like this is calling attention to all the things he's not. If he had died prior to becoming a terrible person at least I could feel like he was looking down on me and feeling so proud. But none of this mattered to him, he just left us all behind.

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There ya go. Not to pry, but how long ago did this happen?

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

Note: It's okay also for a person to walk out of the room when these things (dances) come up...

Or even just stand there and watch and cry. It's doubtful that anyone would notice (or mind.)

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I think I am defintiely going to do my best to leave w/o being obvious about it.

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Posted by marymoon
I think I am defintiely going to do my best to leave w/o being obvious about it.

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I think that is a very good choice and I am very sorry that you are hurting.

Jen:

You are completely human for feeling this way. While I love my father, he hasn't been very nice to me and I don't know if I want to dance with him. It hurts alot to watch others dance with their parents at weddings and know that I don't have that connection to my father. I get sad hearing others talk about going shopping with their mom and just having their mom around. I probably will never speak to my mother again because of things she did to us, so I kinda know how you feel.

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Posted by marymoon




I think I'll go but try to leave the room during the dad/daughter dance. it's such an extended period of time when all the attention is focused on that, I don't think I'll be able to handle it w/o crying hysterically, and I really don't want to draw attention to myself that way.

I think if my dad had passed away, I'd feel differently about it. At least about having someone else walk me down the aisle, etc. I think it's a different kind of pain when God takes someone and they loved you to the end than when someone chooses to leave you. I know if he had died I'd be suffering a great deal, but I'd feel so differently about it. I'd be celebrating his memory at my wedding, and wishing he could be there. Instead I feel like this is calling attention to all the things he's not. If he had died prior to becoming a terrible person at least I could feel like he was looking down on me and feeling so proud. But none of this mattered to him, he just left us all behind.

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Just wanted to give you a little advice. My parents divorced when I was about 12. My dad was a BAD husband to my mom but he was a good day to me. He's done some bad things in his life but I still love him and we are very close today. I hope one day, you will find it in your heart to get over your anger and try to re-build a relationship with your dad. I've heard this saying and it is so true 'no matter what the relationship you have with your parents is like, you will miss them when they are gone from your life'

JMO, try not to hold grudges against anyone, it's like poison to your spirit.

Good luck