I'm a REALLy bad person

you are definitely not a bad person. even before my dad died, for reasons similar to yours, DH & I ALWAYS leave the room for those dances. weddings should be happy not sad so why put yourself through that pain. ppl who know you will understand.

You are not a bad person, just hurting..

Jenn, you are certainly not a bad person. You're hurting right now, and it is totally understandable that you don't want to watch a father-daughter dance. Just quietly leave the room during the dance.

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by marymoon




I think I'll go but try to leave the room during the dad/daughter dance. it's such an extended period of time when all the attention is focused on that, I don't think I'll be able to handle it w/o crying hysterically, and I really don't want to draw attention to myself that way.

I think if my dad had passed away, I'd feel differently about it. At least about having someone else walk me down the aisle, etc. I think it's a different kind of pain when God takes someone and they loved you to the end than when someone chooses to leave you. I know if he had died I'd be suffering a great deal, but I'd feel so differently about it. I'd be celebrating his memory at my wedding, and wishing he could be there. Instead I feel like this is calling attention to all the things he's not. If he had died prior to becoming a terrible person at least I could feel like he was looking down on me and feeling so proud. But none of this mattered to him, he just left us all behind.

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There ya go. Not to pry, but how long ago did this happen?

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6 mos ago today

for all you girls!!!!!

This doesn't make you a bad person at all. I do agree with considering leaving the room during the father/daughter dance to remove yourself from having it right in front of you and making bad feelings come to the surface on such a happy day for your cousin

I'm sorry you feel this way

Like it's been mentioned I think it's best for you to just leave the room so it won't upset you.

I don't know the whole story but if this is issue with your dad is coming from divorce I can totally relate. I didn't speak to my dad for almost 2 years when he left my mom, I was so angry at him! I was still living at home so I took it personally like he was also walking out on me. I was very angry and sad and felt that our past family life was phony and a big joke. We were all pretty close, went on vacations, etc
I did start speaking to him again eventually (he did walk me down the aisle and dance with me) but it took a lot of time for me to heal and deal with the situation.

If I can ever be any help to you (if you're dealing with the same issues) just let me know.

Thanks so much Donna. Some divorces are different, parents split up and whatever, but my dad just walked out on ALL of us, I mena he really left us all to drown. When he left my car was about to repossessed, and he left us with thousands in back bills which he expected me, my sister and our DH/FH's to pay. He was nasty to all of us when he left. So it's not just like I'm angry with him for leaving my mom (of course I am) but he left me too, he left all of us.

He's alos really disprespectful to all of us as a family. He brings his gf to our family doctor, who was my doctore first, who my dad knows I go to up to 5 times a week when my condition gets really bad (or at least i ddi before he started bringing her there), he bows witha church bowing league. he bowls with the pastor and with a childhood frined of mines brother and dad, and he brings his gf there. It's so embarassing, so hideous and cruel. A few weeks after he left he was waving around a picture of me and him when iw as a little girl around at work. It turned out he was just showing them what he looked like with a beard My dad told my BIL he would contineu payg the car payments if I paid the $1300 needed to get it out o repossession. When I asked for the title to the car, he got pissy and decided to pay for none of it. It may be differnt if he were trying to be a good dad, but he isn't. When he was leaving my mom says I asked him about paying for college and he told me to deal with it... when we told him they were going to shut off the heat and electric and we didn't have $$ to pay the bills he said 'get used to it', 2 weeks before my dad left my mom fell down the stairs, permanently disabling her. She couldn't even dress herself for weeks. He told her to 'sell the house and get a job.' I know this is going to sound horrible to the ladies who have lost their dads to death and disease, but I would rather he have died than deal with this. We went thrugh so much with my dad ( a cancer survivor) and then he went and did this...

Wow! I'm really sorry that you and your family are dealing with this....

Has your mom gotten a lawyer? My mom chose to get angry and it was the best thing for her and her situation. She got my dad to pay $ every month, $ for the bills, etc. She really couldn't get anything for us since we were older (in our early 20s)

If your mom is suffering from disability she might be able to get some kind of social security now and claim from his benefits if his are higher. I know when my mom is old enough she has the choice of taking hers or taking 50% of my dads (which is much higher since my father worked for 40 years and my mom's only been working for 10.

I know it's hard to do but get tough and get what you deserve. consult an attorney so that you don't lose any more benefits or the house, etc.

Good luck!

And if you ever need to just FM me

That does not make u a bad person, I know how u feel, I do not have my dad or mom anymore and they were gone by the time I got married. i miss them every day.

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Posted by dpli

I cry even when I just watch a MOVIE with dad-daughter stuff in it. My situation is a little different, because my dad passed away, but I know how you feel. I had both of my brothers walk me down the aisle and they were really excited to do it. We skipped the dances, since DH's mom is also deceased. I already had my wedding and it still chokes me up when I see it.

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I think it's human :)

I avoid watching movies where the Mom passed away- I could watch the real world last week either- when the kids Mom died- it hasn't been a year yet- but I don't think I will ever be able to

I don't blame you- it's even hard for me to read post with people complaining about there Moms