Im back with more doubts

well here is the thing

FH and I curse at eachother all the time - when we fight we dont hold back and we pretty much say horrible things . . .

i know some people wouldnt stand for that but its just part of our relationship and he shows he respects me in other ways so it never bothered me (esp. since i give it back to him just as bad)

BUT if this is a huge deal to you then maybe you should look at other factors that are going on right now. . . i cant imagine that one word would cause all of these doubts. . .

just like ant n tilde said... when FH and i fight, we FIGHT. and yeah, we curse at each other and say things sometimes that shouldn't be said. it's hard to forget some of those things sometimes, because it can be hurtful... but it's a matter of forgiveness. and these heated arguments are just a part of FH's and my relationship sometimes... i accept it as part of us. i don't feel that hes disrespectful towards me persay, even though certain things he says can be taken as disrespectful, because i know he's speaking out of hurt and anger. plus, if i can dish it (which i do!!!) i better be able to take it!!
however, it sounds to me, like if this one comment (disrespectful and hurtful as it may be) is posing doubts on whether or not you should go through with your marriage, i have to say that i think your issues with him go way deeper than this one argument. and i have to think that your issue with him treating you disrespectfully also goes much deeper.
if you are questionning on whether or not you should marry this man, then i have to ask - should you? i don't know you, or FH or your relationship with him past or present. i am an outsider looking in and anything is much easier said from the outside than done from the inside. i just think that maybe you have some serious thinking to do... and if your wedding is a week away, it has to be fast thinking! but sweetie, i wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide. and if you ever need to talk, FM me, i'm here.

i'm with the other girls. when DH and I fight, we let loose! but we have potty mouths on a daily basis so if we curse at each other when we're fighting its not anything out of the ordinary. but when we fight i prefer us to say whatever is on our minds rather than to keep everything bottled up inside, cause it will only build up and get worse. IMHO, couples that NEVER fight are eventually gonna have 1 big blowout because they never talked about things openly.

dont stress about a few curse words. talk to him about it. tell him that his words hurt your feelings....

I think it's the stress of the wedding that got to him. Every one of my friends have had the worst arguments with their DH within a month of their wedding. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Should he have told you to go F yourself, absolutely not, should you have called him an a-hole, no (but he probably deserved it ) but it was like a heat of passion, in the moment blurt. You guys are under a LOT of stress right now and it can be so overwhelming. It'll be okay!

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Posted by lollipop

I think it's the stress of the wedding that got to him. Every one of my friends have had the worst arguments with their DH within a month of their wedding. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Should he have told you to go F yourself, absolutely not, should you have called him an a-hole, no (but he probably deserved it ) but it was like a heat of passion, in the moment blurt. You guys are under a LOT of stress right now and it can be so overwhelming. It'll be okay!

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i agree with this post wholeheartedly..
the stress FH and i have been under in the last month or so is so overwhelming that sometimes i feel like no one else could possibly be feeling this way..should i go through with it?...BUT it seems like when i come on here, girls experience it all the time..plus im not good udner pressure with things pertaining to my own life..so i have to definately take a step back and realize that for us its opposite of the first poster...lately it is ME who has been the one being alil mean, or saying things i wouldnt normally say, and being alil on the cold side to FH..and FH just keeps takin it and takin it..
i think he really actually for once understands the kind of stress im under planning this circus (ehem wedding ) by myself..
anyway, please try to relax, and take it for what it is..just a hotheaded thing to say, in a time of stress!!
good luck!

Normally I'd agree with the rest of you, but she said that he's been mad for the last 2.5 years that she said he was ACTING LIKE an A-hole. Not that he was one, but that he was acting like one. For 2 and a half years. Ummmm, no. I'm sorry, but no! A-hole is not even remotely disrespectful, especially in comparison to Go F Yourself.

It seems to me that these two are not the types to let the curse words fly like some of us (myself included), so we shouldn't be judging the situation with that in mind.

Yeah, it could be stress, but I get the feeling that a person who isn't likely to use those words normally would feel remorseful about using them, and OP said that he isn't.

I think the doubts are coming from something significantly bigger.

honestly for me its a deal breaker........but everyone has their own level of tolerance and comfort levels with things in their respective relationships..........i did break an engagement and cancel a wedding over issues just as you described and for me it was the best decision of my life.(now engaged to the love of my life).......please don't measure your doubts in proximity to the wedding,,,,,, you have to ask yourself would you feel the same way if the wedding was a year away......remember this is only my opinion and i hope that you work it out in whatever way is comfortable for you and your FH
good luck!

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Posted by soontobmrsn

honestly for me its a deal breaker........but everyone has their own level of tolerance and comfort levels with things in their respective relationships..........i did break an engagement and cancel a wedding over issues just as you described and for me it was the best decision of my life.(now engaged to the love of my life).......please don't measure your doubts in proximity to the wedding,,,,,, you have to ask yourself would you feel the same way if the wedding was a year away......remember this is only my opinion and i hope that you work it out in whatever way is comfortable for you and your FH
good luck!

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I agree! FH and I NEVER curse at eachother... EVER. We have known eachother since 1999 and have never cursed at eachother. From the beginning of our relationship I told him this was something I wouldn't tolerate, and so it has never happened in the course of our relationship.. Keeping that in mind, if he told me to go F myself, I would seriously reconsider whether or not this is the man that I wnat to marry.... REGARDLESS of when the wedding is. I would see it as a HUGE sign of disrespect!!! Just my opinion....

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Posted by hayleyandsteve

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Posted by soontobmrsn

honestly for me its a deal breaker........but everyone has their own level of tolerance and comfort levels with things in their respective relationships..........i did break an engagement and cancel a wedding over issues just as you described and for me it was the best decision of my life.(now engaged to the love of my life).......please don't measure your doubts in proximity to the wedding,,,,,, you have to ask yourself would you feel the same way if the wedding was a year away......remember this is only my opinion and i hope that you work it out in whatever way is comfortable for you and your FH
good luck!

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I agree! FH and I NEVER curse at eachother... EVER. We have known eachother since 1999 and have never cursed at eachother. From the beginning of our relationship I told him this was something I wouldn't tolerate, and so it has never happened in the course of our relationship.. Keeping that in mind, if he told me to go F myself, I would seriously reconsider whether or not this is the man that I wnat to marry.... REGARDLESS of when the wedding is. I would see it as a HUGE sign of disrespect!!! Just my opinion....

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I am with you guys! It depends on each individual relationship but my FH and I never curse at each other either. That is not the way we are. We both don't like it. I agree with Hayley I would see it as a sign of disrespect as well. I understand that things can be stressful but there are much better ways to handle stress than cursing at someone you love.

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Posted by lollipop

I think it's the stress of the wedding that got to him. Every one of my friends have had the worst arguments with their DH within a month of their wedding. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Should he have told you to go F yourself, absolutely not, should you have called him an a-hole, no (but he probably deserved it ) but it was like a heat of passion, in the moment blurt. You guys are under a LOT of stress right now and it can be so overwhelming. It'll be okay!

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I did that over 2 years ago and he almost broke up with me and so I never said anything like it again.

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Posted by PrincessRose

Normally I'd agree with the rest of you, but she said that he's been mad for the last 2.5 years that she said he was ACTING LIKE an A-hole. Not that he was one, but that he was acting like one. For 2 and a half years. Ummmm, no. I'm sorry, but no! A-hole is not even remotely disrespectful, especially in comparison to Go F Yourself.

It seems to me that these two are not the types to let the curse words fly like some of us (myself included), so we shouldn't be judging the situation with that in mind.

Yeah, it could be stress, but I get the feeling that a person who isn't likely to use those words normally would feel remorseful about using them, and OP said that he isn't.

I think the doubts are coming from something significantly bigger.

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Thank you. You totally 'get it'. I think it is bigger. I think I know what I have to do.

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Posted by alnem

when we fight i prefer us to say whatever is on our minds rather than to keep everything bottled up inside, cause it will only build up and get worse. IMHO, couples that NEVER fight are eventually gonna have 1 big blowout because they never talked about things openly.

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Oh believe me, with us we always get things out in the open, , it's just without saying things like F You or 'You can go F yourself'. It's like how men think 'once the ring is on it's a different woman', thats what I am thinking here. Like he figures, we are so close, I am not backing out so now he can say whatever he wants. And I said to him 'If I said it to you it's be over' and he said 'Don't use the way I am against me unless you have the balls to follow through with it'.

theres a big differene between 'acting' like an a-hole and being told to F yourself.

FH would NEVER talk to me that way, i dont care how mad he is! I wouldn't take that at all.

I have to say that FH and I curse at each other all the time. It's not how you think though. We joke around and call each other names but there is laughter involved and it's not nasty. We actually are the opposite of everyone else. When we fight we fight and say stuff but we don't curse at each other. If we curse at one another in an argument, it's hurtful and we wind up appologizing to each other for cursing. I feel like cursing at someone is completely disrespectful when it's done out of anger. Calling someone an a-hole jokingly and lovingly is one thing but to be called an a-hole out of anger...not having it! So I guess it depends what works for you in your relationship.

And I want to thank you ladies who posted that you and your husbands curse at each other. Some people think that's horrible and I would have never admitted it if it weren't for this post.

I have to side with the other non-arguing girls here. FH & I never argue using disrepectful phrases and/or curse words. Even when we're really angry at each other we prefer not to argue raising our voices. We wait until the heat of the moment passes a bit before talking about it. Personally, I know that if I ever used that type of language it would be because I'm not really interested in our relationship going anywhere, but that's just me. I also agree that there has to be something deeper going on. I would be scared to marry FH if he EVER said anything like that because I would feel it would be the beginning of bigger troubles headed our way.

Best of luck with whatever you decide. We can only voice our opinions here & hope that it serves you in some way or another.

Is he sorry in the least for making you feel so badly?
Did you have reservations before this happened? What are they?
Does he make you feel bad about yourself a lot?
Only you can decide if this was an unforgiveable offense.


This is a very stressful time for both of you-- if you think it was said in the heat of the moment and he overall is an amazing guy, then talk to him about it and let it go.

I haven't read through EVERY response so I am certain this has already been said but I want to put my thoughts in also.

You need to look at your relationship as a whole. You say that he has never actually said anything like this before, so we can hardly characterize this as a verbally abusive relationship.

I - personally - could not give up an entire relationship based on 3 words shouted out in the heat of an argument. Fighting can get ugly - a lot of things can be said out of anger that you don't mean.

If this argument happened a month AFTER you were married... would you divorce him?

He is someone you love enough to have gotten engaged to. Someone you love enough to have planned a wedding with. I think you can love him enough to forgive him a single transgression of this nature.

HOWEVER... if you don't love him enough to forgive him for an isolated incident such as this - than you should not marry him.