Ladies- I have a question. Would you marry your FH if the week before your wedding you had an argument about whatever, and during that argument he told you to 'Go F yourself'. We have NEVER said anything like that to each other in 3 years and he still throws in my face an argument from 2 1/2 years ago when I was crying and said'Why are you acting like an a--hole'. I STILL get that thrown in my face when I have not said another disrespectful word since and then the week before you go and say that to me (granted HE thinks he's justified for saying it of course) but regardless, (he wasn't AT ALL), would you be able to smile and walk down the aisle a week later or am I being crazy?
snydl40
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Re: Im back with more doubts
Same here. If we fight-we fight. We don't hold back-but in the end, we know we mean the world to eachother and don't let what we said affect our relationship. What was said, was said, and no matter what we love eachother. So my answer is YES. I would walk down the aisle a week later-because no matter what-he is the man I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with.
OctoberPrincess2006
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Re: Im back with more doubts
Posted by lollipop
I think it's the stress of the wedding that got to him. Every one of my friends have had the worst arguments with their DH within a month of their wedding. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Should he have told you to go F yourself, absolutely not, should you have called him an a-hole, no (but he probably deserved it ) but it was like a heat of passion, in the moment blurt. You guys are under a LOT of stress right now and it can be so overwhelming. It'll be okay!
I have a feeling this is why also, my FH and I never really argue, and the other night I drank a bit too much and things started flying outa my mouth. So I think it is just the stress of it all.
betani
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Re: Im back with more doubts
i would assume the argument probably came out of stress - weddings cause a LOT of it. the question for me would be, how does he feel now? if he's truly sorry, meaning he never meant to hurt you that bad and he's sorry he did regardless of who was 'right' or 'wrong' in the argument, then i would feel better about the situation b/c it was a slip up (it happens when things are emotional). however, if he's not sorry he hurt you, glad he did it, etc., then i would have some serious thinking to do. b/c at this point it's not a matter of who's right or wrong, why he said it, or how he said it, it's a matter of 'is you future husband sorry he hurt you so badly' it doens't matter HOW he did it, just that he did.
does he even know he hurt you so much? once things have calmed down, i'd sit him down for a talk and explain to him how upset you were and why. then let him respond and take it from there.
good luck.
alioop4282
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Re: Im back with more doubts
You need to go with what your gut is telling you...whether he told you to go f yourself or not. Just trust yourself and what you want. I called my wedding off last week..not over anything FH said to me..but because I did not feel 100% sure and I just knew going through with it wouldve been a mistake. My wedding date was supposed to be in five days.
Do what you feel is right for YOU and not ANYBODY else.
FM if you need anything at all.
MrsD06
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Re: Im back with more doubts
I agree that couples seem to fight alot right before the wedding..esp. the last month or two. We did and so did pretty much everyone I know! It's stress. BUT I also think you guys need to work out your communication/fighting issues. Life is full of stress and fights happen but your marriage shouldn't make you miserable either.
I don't think 'Go F yourself' is a dealbreaker. BUT if this argument keeps coming up you guys need to somehow resolve it. Either work it out or figure out how to fight fair w/ each other (including not dredging up old fights)
msf32
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Re: Im back with more doubts
I think it is probably just the stress, but I would def. talk to him and express how his language hurt you. Explain that you are aware of what you said 2 1/2 years ago and that you felt horrible about it after the fact and therefore have conscientiously kept yourself from ever saying anything like that to him again. Explain that for him to tell you to go F yourself was extremely hurtful and you understand he was angry and probably stressed b/c of the wedding, but it doesn't change the fact that it hurt you. Tell him you never want to hear him say that to you again b/c it's a terrible thing for one person to say to another especially when you supposedly love each other. Ask him to promise, just as you will promise to him, never to say such a thing ever again. Then see how he responds.
Sorry if I sound like I am scripting your speech for you. I put myself in your shoes and imagined speaking to my own fiance and that's what I wrote.
I am sorry you have to deal with this. Nothing rips a person's heart open like being verbally abused by someone you love. Good luck.
October Bliss
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Re: Im back with more doubts
I may be reading too much into your post, but it sounds to me like this comment is the tip of an iceberg, or could be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
If that is the case, I would think long and hard before I walked down the aisle.
If it's not the case, I would most likely just have a talk with him to find out why he thought it was/is OK to speak to me like that.
FH & I have had some knock-down drag out fights since we started wedding planning, (we actually didn't speak for three full days once) but not once have either one of us used language that the other would consider offensive or hurtful.
daniebc16
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Re: Im back with more doubts
You should feel comfortable in your relationship, but that doesn't mean things are going to be easy all the time. It is how you work out these problems is what really matters. What if you were already married, what would you do? Would you sit down and talk it out? You need to express your feelings in a calm way. BTY I have cursed at my FH too, it is completely NORMAL!
kitty1224
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Re: Im back with more doubts
I think that what was said was not the main reason for why you did what you did, but it was all you can take. I think that you are missing the security in your relationship or maybe not, but you guys are missing something. You do not understand one another and guys can be ***'s but when you know someone and you feel comforable and safe with them, Fights like this don't make or break you. We all fight, but I know that our love is more important to me and my love to him that we find our middle ground.
stephanief
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Re: Im back with more doubts
Posted by ant n tilde
well here is the thing
FH and I curse at eachother all the time - when we fight we dont hold back and we pretty much say horrible things . . .
i know some people wouldnt stand for that but its just part of our relationship and he shows he respects me in other ways so it never bothered me (esp. since i give it back to him just as bad)
BUT if this is a huge deal to you then maybe you should look at other factors that are going on right now. . . i cant imagine that one word would cause all of these doubts. . .
Me and DH are the same way, I sayu nasty things, he says nasty things. It is not right but that is how we are when we fight (that is why we try not to fight too often)
CLMon7906
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Re: Im back with more doubts
After reading your first post, this one disturbs me the most because you've left out all the truly ugly part of the whole situation...this particular post makes it sound like a spat that turned ugly through words...but according to your first post [in june], he needs to be medicated/counseled for depression and that is VITAL to his being able to function...that has nothing to do with a hard life or easy life [as you mentioned in your first post] . Many people have hards lives and become better people for it...no one knows why or how depression hits certain people...and for some it's a bit hereditary, but it should be treated and monitored by a professional....those who need that help are often the first to swear they don't really need it.
I wish you the best, but if he refuses treatment now, he likely will in the future. Often, by the time someone gets the help, they have lost all the things they hold dear and then realize that they never would've lost them if they'd gotten the help/treatment earlier. Hindsight is 20/20 [as cliche as that sounds]. Good luck.
dancinmyazoff
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Re: Im back with more doubts
Your stress is honestly soo high right now, I think it is best to just forgive and forget. But when we say forget...seriously forget and never bring it up again. Has he mentioned anything about it since?
