Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

Original post by aliciahelene

Sep 02, 2003 01:20 PM

I have aclose guy friend, he was one of my first friends when I moved to New Jeresey..iw as ina beach house with him and his friends every summer for a few years...then I met my fiance and he met his fiance and we keep in touch but not TOO much..I mean we dont hang out like we used to. I havent seen him in probably over a year, we speak, mostly through email. Anyhow..so i got engaged and set teh date for January..a few months ago, he got engaged and set the date for October, In California. I woudl have loved to ahve gone to his wedding, but to eb honest, we just cant afford to fly to Cali a few months before our wedding..we are kind of broke these days. He understands this and is fine with it. Anyhow..so they will most likely come to my wedding, since its somewhat local ( wedding is in Roslyn, we live in Jersey). My questions is..what is teh right thing to do as far as gift goes...I know that he will give us cash, he will cover his place settings,etc. Even though Im not attending his wedding..would I give him a few hundred since I know thats what hes going to give us? I am so lost on this..I dont want him to feel ripped off.I dont know what to do.

Xelindrya Posted: Sep 02, 2003 01:55 PM

Re: Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

I kinda agree with everyone..

Do what you feel is appropriate. Second guessing yourself will drive you mad! He will understand because they, too, are going through a wedding. A gift is all *I* ever thought was appropriate too, but Im a Texan. I guess it's a New England to give gifts and money.

Also, do check the Newlywed board for some ideas of what they got and such. It's a good starting point if you want a round about idea.

Bottom line, do what you can and he will understand.

aliciahelene Posted: Sep 02, 2003 01:55 PM

Re: Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

Ok.,.hes not flying out here..he lives here. He doesnt pay for a hotel..he is already here. His wedding just happens to be in cali because thats where his fiance says. But as far as my wedding goes..he lives 30 minutes from my reception. IHearzbellz..you made alot of sense. THANKS!!!

Stinker Posted: Sep 02, 2003 01:58 PM

Re: Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

How about a gift from their reg. Maybe a couple of nice peices from their China (coffee pot with the coffee mugs) or one of the more pricey Vases, clocks, ect. that they reg for. This way your spending a nice amount and giving something the couple can look at and think of you.
JMO

aliciahelene Posted: Sep 02, 2003 01:58 PM

Re: Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

Tanks xelindrya..Im glad you know what Im talkin about..youre a Texan.Im Oklahoma..its just difefrent than here, wedding ettiquette is different here..Im just trying to figure it all out! Thansk evreyone for your advice. Ill figure it out!

aliciahelene Posted: Sep 02, 2003 01:59 PM

Re: Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

Great Idea Stinker!

HearzBellz Posted: Sep 02, 2003 02:01 PM

Re: Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

Anytime Alicia

And yes, the $$ thing is a Notheastern thing, especially NY. I put stuff on my registry for my student friends to take the pressure off coming up with cash & my out-of-town guests are the ones who used it.... my student freinds gave cash anyway.

aliciahelene Posted: Sep 02, 2003 02:04 PM

Re: Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

Its all just new to me..I liek the idea of giving cash though..especially since Ill be on the receiving end in a few months..Im just still learning whats what!! Thanks again for your advice!!

jannshari Posted: Sep 02, 2003 02:05 PM

Re: Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

I abhor the whole 'pay for your plate' thing (as I stated in a thread yesterday). I say you should take whatever money you would have spent on a gift if you had gone to the wedding, and get him something from his registry. He knows that you are planning a wedding and that things are tight financially for you and that's why you cannot attend his wedding, so I imagine that whatever you can afford will be appreciated. Do what you can, don't spend more than you want, and think about what you would want from him if he couldn't attend your wedding. Don't stress over it!

aliciahelene Posted: Sep 02, 2003 02:13 PM

Re: Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

Thanks jannshari!!

deby Posted: Sep 02, 2003 02:21 PM

Re: Im confused..can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

A family friend got married recently and I did not attend.

I sent them a wine package with a few bottles of wine, wine charms, etc., I think I used wine.com. They had just moved into a new house, so I figured they could use some wine and accessories. They really loved it!

Don't worry about the $$$$ amount... send something from the heart, something thoughtful and something they can remember you by.