I'm nervous for Invitations

As many of you know from previous posts, my FMIL is crazy & has made my wedding planning experience a horrible one (she's paying for half so unfortunately she's got a 50% say in everything -- big mistake we made with that one.)

So Saturday we're going for invitations. I already picked one that I liked and she said whatever I picked would be fine. But then we started talking about RSVPs. Initially, I thought they should go to my dad's house because he's got a mailslot vs. me & her who each have small apartment mailboxes. When I told her that, she didn't like it. She said 'how will people know whose wedding they're rsvp'ing to if they don't recognize the name on the RSVP card. Well...if that's something she'd worried about then in my opinion, whoever she thinks wouldn't know whose wedding it is shouldn't be invited in the first place (she's dug people up she hasn't spoken to in years!)

After giving it some thought, I think the RSVPs should go to me since I'll be the one tracking them, but I have a feeling she didn't like that either as she didn't respond to my email which explained my logic behind everything.

My father says that when we go, if she starts with the RSVPs we should say, 'by your own omission, you said yourself you are disorganized. So why don't you step aside on this one and just keep it easy for Robyn who inevitably be tracking everything.' And he said that if she doesn't like that answer to just let the RSVPs go to her and let her track everything to save both me and my father the stress. In general, people always give in to her because she's such a nutjob, its just easier to give her what she wants and save yourself the aggrivation. But regardless, if the RSVPs end up going to her, then I fear everything will get screwed up due to her lack of organization.

What do I do? Any advice?

I'm sorry she's giving you stress!!

First of all, what she said is crazy and makes no sense!!! 'How will people know whos wedding they are RSVPing to if they don't recognize the name on the card' WHAT?!!! They will just look at the invitation it came with! If they don't know who you or your FH are they shouldn't be coming!!

It seems, by that comment, that she is really grasping at straws to try and come up with reasons as to why she wants them sent to her. There are no valid reasons, she just wants what she wants.

Traditionally, regardless of who is forking over what amounts of money, RSVP's go to the brides parents (be it mom, mom and dad, or just dad). Your FMIL needs to take the '$' out of the 'S' in RSVP and let go of the control a little.

.....Sounds a lot like mine lol

To sum it up, have them go to your Dad or even yourself--but I would say your Dad or you before her, it's really not her place.

good luck!!!

Yes, I agree . Her logic works both way. Nobody on your side would know who SHE is either.

They should come to you.

What's next, she tells you what to wear, what color to use?

Frankly, that's why we are paying ourselves. It's a smaller wedding (in guest numbers) but it's worse my peace.

Sorry you have to put up with those MOMZILLAS.

I'd first start by telling her that you want them to come to you, since you think you'll be doing the tracking. If she has a problem, making it seem that you were thinking of her when you were thinking about getting the responses.

Regardless of where the responses go to, obviously, they can read the invitation and see who's wedding they have been invited to.

My FH asked me where our responses would be going (oddly enough, he shows random interest in random things that are way down the road) and I said me. I live about 90 minutes from my parents, my mom isn't computer savy, my inlaws invited half the world, so I figure it would be easier for me and my FH to track on our home computer (where we have been tracking everything else!) His parents aren't computer savy at all so if we sent them there, we'd be driving over to pick them up, if we sent them to my parents, who don't have a computer, they would be piling them for us to come an hour and a half to pick them up!

That is exactly what I said to FMIL -- her name will be on the invite so regardless of who goes on the RSVP, people will know whose wedding it is.

FMIL is very controlling and I'm convinced she thinks she's the star. I've already told her on another unhappy occasion -- you've already had your wedding. This is my turn. It just goes in one ear and out the other.

FH thinks this is all very stupid and he doesn't really care. He told me that if his mother acts up about RSVPs to just tell her she's being an idiot. I can't do that though...it would all go back to the 'I don't have any respect for her' issue.

I'm going to need lots of pep talks...my stomach is churning now for an event happening on Saturday.

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Posted by robynlevy
FH thinks this is all very stupid and he doesn't really care. He told me that if his mother acts up about RSVPs to just tell her she's being an idiot. I can't do that though...it would all go back to the 'I don't have any respect for her' issue.

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I'm sorry if I sound rude, but how can you be expected to respect someone who 1) has no respect for you and 2) acts like a child? You get what you give, you know?

I don't think that you should give in on this invite thing - they should go to you and that's it. Give an inch, they try to take over.

Just tell you are the bride, you are the main person planning and it is your responsibility to keep track of the RSVP's and you have tasked your dad with recieving them and giving them to you... If FH and I werent probably moving around the time RSVP's came in i would have them sent to us.. but we are moving around the 2 months before the wedding and dont know where we'll be so i am sending them to my parents..

worst case, just be blunt.. tell her NO, your are not responsible and organized enough.. if she takes offense she shouldnt have kept insisting after your initial no.. She may be paying a portion of the wedding, but final say goes to the bride and this is a petty thing for her to insist on!

This is why i have told FH that i dont want to take $$ from his mom.. but ofcourse he keeps talking about doing so, but we have not thus far and most everything is done! except minor details.. hey we got the pricy band she wanted... and pretty much the reception hall i know she prefered, and his side of the guest list is twice what mine is so...

Ha. I'm the bride? Maybe someone else should try telling her that, because she has done everything possible to lead me to believe that she thinks SHE is the bride. A brief recap:

(1) Photographer: FH and I saw one that we liked. My dad said that this is OUR wedding (duh!) and if this is the photographer we want, that should be that and they should be booked. FFIL said, and I quote, 'no, this is about what Melody (FMIL) wants.'

(2) Florist - she b-tched and whined that she didn't like what I picked out. Bridezilla!

and the kicker of them all:

SHE'S LOOKING AT A WEDDING DRESS FOR HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just cannot get over that; I know I've mentioned it on the boards several times..sorry.

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Posted by robynlevy

Ha. I'm the bride? Maybe someone else should try telling her that, because she has done everything possible to lead me to believe that she thinks SHE is the bride. A brief recap:

(1) Photographer: FH and I saw one that we liked. My dad said that this is OUR wedding (duh!) and if this is the photographer we want, that should be that and they should be booked. FFIL said, and I quote, 'no, this is about what Melody (FMIL) wants.'

(2) Florist - she b-tched and whined that she didn't like what I picked out. Bridezilla!

and the kicker of them all:

SHE'S LOOKING AT A WEDDING DRESS FOR HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just cannot get over that; I know I've mentioned it on the boards several times..sorry.

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wow now that's some crazy $h!t!!!!!!!

Your FMIL & my FMIL sound alike (except we're paying for the wedding so I've learned to say NO very well). But it sounds like you've really been compromising and giving in to her. But regardless of who is paying, it is still your wedding so you're entitled to have somethings done the way you want them.

I wanted the RSVPs coming to me. I'm the most organized. I'm the one with the excel spreadsheet for the guestlist and I'm the one who's been tracking everything. I would either shut FMIL down and say, sorry but this is how it's going to be, they are coming to me! Or just have them sent to your dad's adress with your name on it. There's nothing wrong with that. Your dad can put them in a box for you and you can go bay every couple of days and pick them up.

I guess if you have to cave and let them all be sent to her, let her know that she will also be in charge of calling the people that don't RSVP on time. If she's going to win this one, you might as well give her the crappy job of the phone calls that comes later.

That's me too -- excel sheet and all! Then there's her, who told me she doesn't even know how to use excel, or open an attachment for that matter!!!!!

Everyone always gives into FMIL because she is such a paranoid pain in the @ss its just easier. I really hate how I've had to give in to her and what's worse is that she doesn't see it. Another famous quote, and this one came with regard to my shower from her:

'I'm sick of Robyn getting everything she wants.'

I'm sorry you have to go through this!!! It's really sad....some people are so self centered.

Bottom line, this is YOUR wedding. FH and I thought about this before any $$ changed hands between us and our parents. If our parents get too involved and think they should have a say b/c they are paying for it, we hand them back their money and say no thank you.

Granted, that is easier said then done...but I swore this was going to be my day, and my decisions about dresses, colors, invitations ...etc... will prevail...period. If someone cannot understand that, than that is their problem, not mine (or yours).

Luckily, I've been fortunate enough to not have any fights or power struggles arise...but just be strong in your opinions, be strong in what you want and don't let anyone guilt trip you into doing something you dont want or agree with. Don't let anyone convince you of anything you don't want. When the wedding is over, you'll feel better knowing you did everything your way for your day.