Im new but have been lurking for quite some time...(LONG)

and I have a real hard situation that I am trying to deal with. I have watched all of you girls help out with ideas and personal dilemmas; so here is mine.

My name is Lisa and I have been dating George, my fh, for over 4 years. We got engaged a year ago and lately I have been scared to get married. I sometimes feel that I am making the wrong choice even though I love him.

Lately, I have been tempted by other men, one in particular, which made me think I am making the wrong choice because he seems like a perfect match for me (even more than I always thought my fh). So I started to get scared that maybe I am getting married and maybe George isnt the 'one' even though I always thought he was.

Yes, I ended up kissing this other guy, nothing more. And I am now even more confused. The feelings I have are so mixed.

I love fh and everything about him.

but I started to have my doubts about getting married and then I met someone new that I felt was possibly a 'sign' that I shouldnt get married.

Thoughts?! I need all of your advice.

I was in a very similar position a few years ago. I was engaged, to a jerk but that's a diff story) I realized I had really strong feelings for a friend and that I was not happy in the situation I was in.
I ended the engagement, took a break to be single for a little while, and then started dating the friend I had feelings for.
He and I are now getting married and I couldnt imagine myself being any happier.

Please, do yourself, and your fiance a favor, talk to him about everything you said. Take it from there. Whatever you do, do not see this other guy behind your fiance's back. There is no reason to cheat on someone in this situation.

Well, its hard obviously for us to tell you to leave FH or stay with FH because we arent YOU. only you can make that decision.

But if you ARE feeling that way it can be 1 of 2 things.
1 you are scared to finally make that final commitment.. become a wife and adult and all the responsibilities that come with getting married
2. your feelings for FH arent as strong as what you thought that maybe he isnt the ONE and something inside of you is trying to tell you that

all i can say is that maybe you should sit down and really think about your feelings. Maybe try a therapist and/OR even try moving in with FH, that might help you see what your feelings really are.

but PLEASE do not get married if you are NOT sure! GL

The fact that you feel you are being 'tested' by other men is a sign all by itself. If you are having doubts you really need to talk to FH about this.

I mean of course dont tell him you are 'cheating' or attracted to other guys., but if you love him you need to let him know that you are having second thoughts that you are not ready yet.

Maybe prolong your engagement- take time to find yourself and what you want

I agree with what the girls said above.

Question -- have you been having doubts ever since you got engaged or where the doubts there before that? (Maybe it just might be a fear of commitment)

If you are having feelings for someone else besides your FH i owuld take a min to stop and think abouit it. Are these reeal feelings?? if they really feel like they are you should talk to your FH and tell him about ti. Maybe you just need a break to think about it. If that were me i wouldnt be able to stay with my FH i would feel horrible and not want to put him thru that. JMO

good luck i hope it works out

Thank you girls. See I do live with fh but his job makes it so I hardly see him.

and jgl, I feel it is more about the final commitment because even though I kissed this other guy, my love for fh is still there and strong, believe it or not.

It’s hard to say, but I was in a situation like yours about a year and half ago. I ended up freaking out that I was interested in someone else (didn’t help that my parents said once you’re with the one, you NEVER have feelings about anyone else and the FH swore up and down he was never attracted to anyone else [after the whole thing, he admitted that wasn’t true but thought that’s what I wanted to hear]) so I took a break from my FH to find out what it all meant. I guess it was a good thing to do since I met FH young and we hadn’t been with anyone else, but I think of it as a mistake.

The things I liked about the other guy were just qualities I liked in FH, and I had a lot of self confidence issues, worrying that no one but my FH would ever be attracted to me. In the end, it became clear that I didn’t really know or even care to know the other guy. It took a while for FH to forgive me and trust me again, but I’m so happy he did.

I guess what I’m trying to say is your situation could go either way…its completely normal to have crushes or whatever on other people—we’re human! It could be that the stress of planning a marriage or just the idea of being with one person forever is making you feel this way.

I don’t think anyone on here can tell you what you have to definitely do. You need to do a lot of soul searching and think—is there things that I am very unhappy with about FH? Have there been warning signs in the past?

I just persoanlly think the fact that you’re attracted to someone else alone is NOT a sign that you shouldn’t get married.

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Posted by soon2bemrs2008

Thank you girls. See I do live with fh but his job makes it so I hardly see him.

and jgl, I feel it is more about the final commitment because even though I kissed this other guy, my love for fh is still there and strong, believe it or not.

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well that is great news then!!! That means that maybe you just need more time - I think you should just sit down with your FH and discuss your feelings, maybe talking will help get something out about why you are feeling this way.

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Posted by Nelly

I agree with what the girls said above.

Question -- have you been having doubts ever since you got engaged or where the doubts there before that? (Maybe it just might be a fear of commitment)

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the fear has started the past few months when more of the wedding plans are being set in stone; like this is really happening.

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Posted by soon2bemrs2008

Thank you girls. See I do live with fh but his job makes it so I hardly see him.

and jgl, I feel it is more about the final commitment because even though I kissed this other guy, my love for fh is still there and strong, believe it or not.

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I believe it. And I think that means something. Also, remember that our bodies produce different chemicals when we have a crush…it’s a rush of excitement and adrenaline that we haven’t had with the FH in a while.

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Posted by KitWisdom

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Posted by soon2bemrs2008

Thank you girls. See I do live with fh but his job makes it so I hardly see him.

and jgl, I feel it is more about the final commitment because even though I kissed this other guy, my love for fh is still there and strong, believe it or not.

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I believe it. And I think that means something. Also, remember that our bodies produce different chemicals when we have a crush…it’s a rush of excitement and adrenaline that we haven’t had with the FH in a while.

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yes because see that is what I feel but I feel that I want to marry fh but I got scared that I am attracted to this other guy, that I shouldnt be because I am getting married.

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Posted by soon2bemrs2008

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Posted by KitWisdom

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Posted by soon2bemrs2008

Thank you girls. See I do live with fh but his job makes it so I hardly see him.

and jgl, I feel it is more about the final commitment because even though I kissed this other guy, my love for fh is still there and strong, believe it or not.

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I believe it. And I think that means something. Also, remember that our bodies produce different chemicals when we have a crush…it’s a rush of excitement and adrenaline that we haven’t had with the FH in a while.

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yes because see that is what I feel but I feel that I want to marry fh but I got scared that I am attracted to this other guy, that I shouldnt be because I am getting married.

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That is the same exact way I felt and because I’m incredibly impulsive and stupid (and got advice from people who lived in fairy tale world, lol), I broke both of our hearts for a while. I’m not saying to just ignore this. Instead, think about talking about this with FH or a couselor or both or someone you just really trust who really knows you…there are things you need to be addressed, but do that before you call anything off, IMO.

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Posted by soon2bemrs2008

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Posted by Nelly

I agree with what the girls said above.

Question -- have you been having doubts ever since you got engaged or where the doubts there before that? (Maybe it just might be a fear of commitment)

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the fear has started the past few months when more of the wedding plans are being set in stone; like this is really happening.

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You still have a long time before your wedding. Do some soul searching and think of the things that will genuinely make YOU happy and you will be set. Best of luck with everything

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Posted by kimNanthony

I think that adding this other guy into the mix right now is not a good idea. If you have feelings for someone else and spending time with this person not only is it going to confuse you more, but it is going to make you fight with FH more. I think that you need to eliminate this other guy for now and concentrate on your relationship with FH and see if you can work it out. There is probably something you are not happy with for you to be going elsewhere. You said he isn't home a lot so maybe it is attention you are looking for from someone else?

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Could be. Especially since this other guy is similar to my fh in many ways not more attractive but equally.

I am very impuslive as well and I couldnt believe that I kissed him but I liked it.

These feelings were this way before I met this other guy.

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Posted by soon2bemrs2008

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Posted by kimNanthony

I think that adding this other guy into the mix right now is not a good idea. If you have feelings for someone else and spending time with this person not only is it going to confuse you more, but it is going to make you fight with FH more. I think that you need to eliminate this other guy for now and concentrate on your relationship with FH and see if you can work it out. There is probably something you are not happy with for you to be going elsewhere. You said he isn't home a lot so maybe it is attention you are looking for from someone else?

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Could be. Especially since this other guy is similar to my fh in many ways not more attractive but equally.

I am very impuslive as well and I couldnt believe that I kissed him.

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You can't beat yourself up for what happened in the past. I think you should talk to FH and let him know what it is you are unhappy with in your relationship. One thing you have to remember is that there will always be temptations in life, it's how you act on them that is the question.

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Posted by Fall Bride 2008

My personal opinion is that you really arent as into your FH as you think you are only because of the temptation that you fell into. I cant even think about another guy that would take me away from my FH that assures me that FH is the one. I am sorry you are going through this.

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see that is how i always felt and even if other guys were attractive, i was like nobody is better than he is, he is the one. but i started gettin anxious about this wedding (the $$, the whole forever thing) and I felt this weird connection with this new guy.

This guy isnt the reason I am doubting the marriage but he did complicate things by making me wonder what if fh is not the 'one'

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Posted by soon2bemrs2008

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Posted by Fall Bride 2008

My personal opinion is that you really arent as into your FH as you think you are only because of the temptation that you fell into. I cant even think about another guy that would take me away from my FH that assures me that FH is the one. I am sorry you are going through this.

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see that is how i always felt and even if other guys were attractive, i was like nobody is better than he is, he is the one. but i started gettin anxious about this wedding (the $$, the whole forever thing) and I felt this weird connection with this new guy.

This guy isnt the reason I am doubting the marriage but he did complicate things by making me wonder what if fh is not the 'one'

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This may sound kinda hokey...clear your mind and close your eyes. Picture yourself at an old age...who are you with? Do you see your FH or the other guy? I am a big believer in going with your gut...what does your gut say about this? Your first impulse was to kiss the guy - but impulse and gut reaction aren't the same..

Just because you are attracted to someone else doesn't mean that you are with the wrong person. If you weren't attracted to other people -you would have no feelings left...some people are attracted to others on a daily basis..it's a normal thing. It's what we do with those feelings that makes us who we are... The fact that you stopped with a kiss says something about your feelings for your FH...you didn't want to let it go further...

You really have some soul searching to do.. I hope I helped in some way and didn't just make it all worse & more confusing...