FH doesn't seem interested in this wedding at all...planning...nothing. He's receiving a large settlement next month. At first his plan was to put it towards paying our bills (we have alot of debt). But lately I've noticed he's looking online at motorcycles alot lately. So today I asked him if he was thinking about getting a bike and he said 'possibly'. This wedding is all I think about and I'm very excited about it, but I don't want to be the only one. I feel like I'm all alone in this. This can't be good...
dm24angel
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Re: I'm so upset...
I'm sorry! I would freak if FH did that...try to talk to him ....nothing else to say...but
september2004
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Re: I'm so upset...
i would nip this in the bud asap, but not in an overbearing, scolding, bridezilla kind of way (that will only aggravate the situation)...
FH had some interesting spending habits when we first met. i would not have married him if he didn't change them, and he knew it. i helped him create a plan, and he stuck to it. i would present your FH with a detailed budget on paper and ask him who is paying for what and when. get out of debt now, or you will pay later when you least expect it. run credit reports and let him know that if this doesn't get fixed asap the two of you can forget ever owning a home...
been there, done that, FM me if you want some 'tips' towards a 180 switch
ETA: as far as the wedding planning goes, FH was into it for the first 10 minutes and that was about it. i have taken care of everything and consult him on all 'final' decisions. i made all the appointments, did the research, my only requirement was that he show up to appointments - he did. honestly, it worked out better this way. some guys (and girls!) are just not into this type of thing, totally fine with me...
MrHostility
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Re: I'm so upset...
Maybe he has a hard time showing his interest in it? Ask him for more support with it.
RedHead
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Re: I'm so upset...
I would split the money in 3.. 1/3 going to bills 1/3 going to savings 1/3 going to a little something for the FH..it is his settlement
belle31125
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Re: I'm so upset...
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: I'm so upset...
Posted by MrHostility
Maybe he has a hard time showing his interest in it? Ask him for more support with it.
I agree. Some guys have trouble showing interest in certain things. Talk to him
nferrandi
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Re: I'm so upset...
I know it can suck at times but you're not alone, my FH isn't into planning AT ALL!!! It can be annoying but I get my way 99% of the time, because I'm the one doing the work. As far as the money goes, you guys need to discuss things like this as a couple.
nehaliasz
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Re: I'm so upset...
Fh isn't really intersted in any of the stuff I'm dong for the wedding right now either. When it comes time to choose the menu or music, I'm sure it will be different. He says, 'I trust your opinions completely' which is another way of saying, 'I really don't care about the floral arrangements' but I'm okay with it.
SandraLynn
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Re: I'm so upset...
I am going through the same thing right now. We just refinanced and he is spending this money FAST and it is making me angry. He did lay out $3000 for a few things for the wedding, but he is at Home Depot and Loews all the time. He has bought quite a few things and he said that it is 'instant gratification', w/ the wedding he won't see 'it' until October. UGHHH....I have told him to cool it, but at least this seems normal, he / we are not the only ones... Thanks for sharing, I NEEDED to hear this..
Good luck!
I agree w/ the 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 !!
btrflygrl
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Re: I'm so upset...
why don't you ask your FH WHAT aspects he wants to handle...maybe he could research the DJ or favors for you. If he's interested in that aspect, he'll be more likely to help. That's what I did and DH was GREAT at it....he was so helpful!
shelly3950
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Re: I'm so upset...
Posted by oct.2004bride
I would split the money in 3.. 1/3 going to bills 1/3 going to savings 1/3 going to a little something for the FH..it is his settlement
I totally agree! He does need to be responsible, but it is his money and he has every right to spend it on something for himself, just not the whole thing!
As far as his lack of invovlement, been there, done that. Is he more task oriented? Basically what I do is tell my FH he is in charged of A, B and C- specific things. FH came with me to every appointment, but wouldn't do the reasearch on his own. When I told him in general, you take care of the honeymoon, nothing got done. If I tell him to call the travel agent and check out the hotel, that he does.
The thing is, I think a lot of FH just want to be married. They don't see the party as a big deal, and lets be honest, the party just celebrates what really happens- the wedding ceremony. At least my FH doesn't like being the center of attention so he doesn't need 'the big wedding' he was just happy to go to a beach in Hawaii with his family and mine and get married. The sweet thing is that these guys really just want to marry us!! The party is optional. Don't be too hard on him, but tell him how you feel. That when he is so uninvolved it makes you feel like he doesn't want the wedding and to be married to you (if thats teh case). Communication is the key to everything.
Good luck!!
eogara
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Re: I'm so upset...
Posted by shelly3950
I totally agree! He does need to be responsible, but it is his money and he has every right to spend it on something for himself, just not the whole thing!
As far as his lack of invovlement, been there, done that. Is he more task oriented? Basically what I do is tell my FH he is in charged of A, B and C- specific things. FH came with me to every appointment, but wouldn't do the reasearch on his own. When I told him in general, you take care of the honeymoon, nothing got done. If I tell him to call the travel agent and check out the hotel, that he does.
The thing is, I think a lot of FH just want to be married. They don't see the party as a big deal, and lets be honest, the party just celebrates what really happens- the wedding ceremony. At least my FH doesn't like being the center of attention so he doesn't need 'the big wedding' he was just happy to go to a beach in Hawaii with his family and mine and get married. The sweet thing is that these guys really just want to marry us!! The party is optional. Don't be too hard on him, but tell him how you feel. That when he is so uninvolved it makes you feel like he doesn't want the wedding and to be married to you (if thats teh case). Communication is the key to everything.
Good luck!!
Well said - I completely agree!
capgrl26
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Re: I'm so upset...
I'm also thankful for this post as well, I know we are normal now... I am doing what another gal mentioned. I am doing the initital research and when I have it narrowed down to 2 or 3 options, I present it to him so we make a mutual decision. I think the only thing he IS interested in is the registry...he's just dying to run around the store and scan all the things he wants... We've gotta love'em.
nicknmb
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Re: I'm so upset...
My Fh goes through periods. Sometimes he is all about the planning, other times I feel like he could care less. I try to tell him how I feel and then he gets better. Just think about it though....we think about getting married from the time we are little, men think about ways they can avoid it.....try not to take it to heart. I don't think it's that he's not excited about getting married to you, it's that all the little details don't really matter to him.
Some men arent into flowers and color schemes and themes, etc. Dont take it personally but at the same time you should NOT feel that you are in this alone. Maybe tell him to hold off on the motorcycle until after the wedding when you can see how much money you get through gifts. As my mom would say... 'thats men for you!'
AJsMommy122
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Re: I'm so upset...
Im sorry!!! To be totally honest my FH was the SAME WAY!!! Him and his stupid BMW stuff ( well stupid to me but its his only outlet so I cant say anything) and he didnt give a crap about ANY wedding stuff. I felt really alone... my friends didnt understand b/c half of them are single.. and the others are no where near to getting married. Thank goodness I had this board full of wonderful ladies!!!!! But.. as the wedding got closer.. I noticed around the 1 year mark.. everyone got into it and fh got excited!! he actually LIKES going to vendors with me now! I never ever thought that would happen. He is awsome with wedding stuff now! Sometimes when its still pretty far away people put it off in their head as something that dosent need to be taken care of right now ( esp. men) I bet when the date gets closer and you really need him to be interested he will be. I know its hard but hang in there for now!!!
