I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry) UPDATE POST
Becca2010
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I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry) UPDATE POST
I am on the verge of tears...
Every year FH and his parents go down to FL for Thanksgiving and I always meet them the next day because I like to spend thanksgiving with my parents and siblings.
This year, FH convinced me to book an plane ticket for Thanksgiving. He said, if something comes up at home, then I can change the ticket to the day after T-Day with a credit that I have (wouldn't cost me anything to change the ticket).
Some good friends of ours are going to FL as well and I'm getting pressure from them to come down (gee, thanks friends ).
Spoke to Mom last night, she told me to go, but that she probably wouldn't be doing anything. My Dad probably isn't doing anything either. (they're separated, but still living in the same house, economy you know?). Now, my brother says he probably isn't doing anything and my sister was invited to her bf's house, but wants to be with family.
FH is upset with me because I want to stay home. He thinks I'm pushing him away! I spend sooo many holidays with him! Christmas, New Years and sometimes Easter. I also work with his family and go to a LOT of the family get-togethers! How can he say this to me??
Am I wrong for wanting to be with my broken family? Please tell me the truth. I can take it.
GiannisWifey
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
not at ALL...I totally agree with you and see why you would want to spend it home....
I am in the same situation....FH entire family is in Italy (sister, FMIL brothers/sisters, FFIL brothers sisters, etc)......they usually go to a family friends home and I always like to sped it with my family....
He gets mad that I only go 'for coffee' but I honeslty don't care......my family comes first and if I knew they were staying home alone and had nowhere to go or noone to hang out with, I would tell FH he can go with his parents while I stay with mine........
I totally agree with you wanting to be home and would do the same thign if I were you....DONT listen to your friends as they can't put themselves in your shoes. FH will have to just learn or deal with it and respect you for wanting to be with your family on this day.
Windy
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
You and your FH are going to have a lifetime of holidays together -this is your last one as a 'single' gal. I say spend the holidays with your family - they sound like they need you this Thanksgiving!
Jna2010
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
youre definitely not wrong for wanting to be with your family, but why did you book the ticket then? maybe you can have a family get together with everyone before you leave for FL? or worse comes to worse change your ticket for the day after t-day, and explain to fh exactly how it is, im sure he wont be mad at you, its a pretty understandable reason...hope everything works out hunnie!
futuremrsjc2010
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
I understand how you feel and i don't think you are wrong for wanting to spend time with your family around the holidays. I don't think it should be a big issue since you always attend FH's family gatherings.
cavvento
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
I think you can't just look at this as a 'What do I do for Thanksgiving' circumstance. I think that you and FH need to sit down and seriously figure out how ALL the holidays will be divided. I don't agree with the two of you splitting up for the holidays (which doesn't mean you should go to FL with him....). I think you need to map out Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, and he needs to understand that HE should spend some time with your family as well on the holidays, not just you. As for this year, being that you're not yet married, it seems like you're going to be miserable in FL thinking about your family up here, so it seems to me like your option is to spend it up here w/ your family.
Me and FH decided on Thanksgiving w/ my maternal family, Christmas Eve we drop by both, Christmas Day with his family (though together we visit my grandparents the week before and after), Easter with my paternal family, dropping in on his family for dessert. We may change this year to year but for now, this is what works
Becca2010
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
Posted by Jna2010
youre definitely not wrong for wanting to be with your family, but why did you book the ticket then? maybe you can have a family get together with everyone before you leave for FL? or worse comes to worse change your ticket for the day after t-day, and explain to fh exactly how it is, im sure he wont be mad at you, its a pretty understandable reason...hope everything works out hunnie!
I shouldn't have done it, but FH had decent reasoning. The tickets to FL are much more expensive if you're going for T-Day and if there was any chance of me going, I should just book the ticket and change it later. This was a few months ago.
christine2010
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
i think staying with your family for thanksgiving & then meeting with FH the day after is the way to go. you are compromising with him & he shouldn't be upset with you.
KrisD72310
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
I say stay home and FH stays with you too! Then you can both fly out the next day, together. Doubt he'll go for that, but if you spend so many holidays with his family then I think he should do the same too.
Becca2010
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
Posted by KrisD72310
I say stay home and FH stays with you too! Then you can both fly out the next day, together. Doubt he'll go for that, but if you spend so many holidays with his family then I think he should do the same too.
I love this idea (and it def put a smile on my face), but he'd never do that. He loves his stupid November FL trips.
LouieDianna2010
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
aAaWw BeCca....I wanna hug you!!!! I had Noooooo IDEA about your parents!! He should understand that if that a decision that you wanna make to spend it with your fam(broken or not) then he should accept it. Especially being u dont spend too many holidays with them anyways. And really what are u missing...12 hrs??? Just try talking to him...Im sure youll get through to him....
<3 You
Jna2010
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
Posted by Becca2010
Posted by Jna2010
youre definitely not wrong for wanting to be with your family, but why did you book the ticket then? maybe you can have a family get together with everyone before you leave for FL? or worse comes to worse change your ticket for the day after t-day, and explain to fh exactly how it is, im sure he wont be mad at you, its a pretty understandable reason...hope everything works out hunnie!
I shouldn't have done it, but FH had decent reasoning. The tickets to FL are much more expensive if you're going for T-Day and if there was any chance of me going, I should just book the ticket and change it later. This was a few months ago.
ohhhh yeah that makes sense then... maybe you can take an evening flight?
AngnShaun
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
I would definitely stay home. And i def dont think you are pushing him away. I think its unfair for him to put you in the position of choosing... Sorry becca! .
MarjorieFrank
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
Holidays bring up so much stress. I think you should explain to FH (if you haven't already) how your parents will be alone for the holiday and you really want to spend it with them. It's only fair to spend some holidays with your family as well. For the future, maybe you can coordinate with your siblings so that maybe next year one of them can spend Thanksgiving with your parents so you can spend it with FH.
FutureMrsLMS
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
once you marry FH, you will have years of Thanksgiving holidays to spend together.
You may never have those years with your 'broken' family.
So go on the trip, and don't stress it. FH needs to learn to compromise on this one!
StellaStar13
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
If I were you, I would def w/out a doubt stay home w/your fam. FH has got to understand that this is what is going to make you happy. Stay strong & hold your ground if this is going to make you happy!!!
Good Luck!
MrsC2010
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
coming from a 'broken home' i totally understand. every holiday was always soo stressful trying to decide how to see both my mom and my dad. with FH we always separated on holidays but last year after being engaged we decided to stay together and rotate our parents....so now instead of 2 families i hvaqe to split time between 3. it makes it really hard.
i would talk to fh and try to get him to understand how hard it is around holidays. if u want to spend some time with your family he should be understanding and not make it any harder on you.
StaceyWill
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
Awwwww Becca!!!! If you really want to stay home, stay home!!! FH will get over it, I'm sure
TheFutureMrsPM
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
For better or worse, rich or poorer or 'broken' your family has been there your whole life. I totaly understand ur POV and think I would feel the same way if I was in ur shoes.
Becca2010
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Re: I'm so upset, I don't know what to do (really long, sorry)
Thank you guys so much! I was talk to FH and had a terrible breakdown and had to leave the office. Even though we weren't on the best terms, he came after me and took me for a drive so we could talk. He can be pretty good like that sometimes.
He understands my point of view and was ok with me staying home. He just wants to be sure we're actually doing something at home. I think I can get my mom to make one last broken home family meal as long as I help her. I will talk to my parents tonight and see what happens.
Thanks so much you guys. I wish I could spend Thanksgiving with all of you!!!
