I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

I am posting this under a different screen name because of the sensitivity of this issue. People I know chat on this site, but trust me, you all know me.....

OK, I'll try not to make this too long but I have been losing sleep over this.

I got married last week at a place where my cousin and her DH work. My cousin was my MOH. They are waiters there on the side (weekends) and they both work full time during the week. I sometimes also worked there when they needed extra help so I have grown to know a lot of the people there.

My dilema..... DH and I put aside $300 for tips for the reception hall. $100 to the bartender (who is a good friend of mine), $100 to the Maitre D' (I had 50 people and the rule of thumb is $2 per person right?), and the last $100 to tip the staff of three people, two servers and a busboy. Well, during the reception my cousin's DH came to my DH and told him he would take the money and make sure everyone got tipped. When he saw the $300 he told my DH that he should throw in an extra $100 because everyone did a really good job. Without even thinking DH gave him and extra $100. And told him how to tip everyone; $100 to the bartender, $150 to the Maitre D' and now an extra $150 for the staff of three.
So last night I find out from my friend who was the bartender that he only gave her $50 and made a comment about him having to 'pull' it out of my Dh because he was so cheap

Then she tells me he only tipped the staff of three $25 each

So where the F*** did the the other $275 go!!!!!!! I think he took money and kept it for himself!!! This wouldn't surprise me because of other very slezy things he does, but it never effected me before.

DH is away on business so I haven't be able to talk to him.

What should I do??? I have been up all night so upset over this!!! This is my family and my cousin and I are like sisters.

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

that's terrible
can you send some extra money to the hall to the people who didn't get the money to make up for his blatant rudeness???

i can't believe someone would even do that!!!

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

You know what, you need to confront him and do it now. HOW DARE HE STEAL FROM YOU AND THE OTHER PEOPLE HE WORKS WITH?!?! That's so appauling, and I am so sorry that this happened to you. If you do not feel comfortable saying something yourself, I would have DH do it. And do it soon because this is so wrong. It's a shame that he is family, but sometimes we find that family can be worse than strangers, thinking they can get away with the most hideous of things. I'm so sorry!

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

That is really terribel. I would CONFRONT him and find out what happened. That would annoy me too
Try to confront him in a nice way, without jumping down his throat, and be honest, where did the rest of the $$$ go???
Good Luck, and let us know.

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

Vent away, dear. This needs to be resolved ASAP. That is just SO wrong on so many different levels.

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

Oh and BTW, this guy and my cousin are my son's godparents!!!!! And I am their son's godmother! This is so ugly!!!!! I just can't stop crying over this. I know I have to say something but I feel with that will come bad feelings and family problems. I will be essentialy accusing him of stealing.

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

Well, he DID steal. I know that family problems are never good, but don't you think he will continue to do things like this? I mean, he may continue even after you say something, but at least he won't try it on YOU again! Listen, I have an uncle who is eerily similar to what your cousin's DH is like, and so I have seen my dad go through a lot with similar things. In my opinion, a family member like this is not family at all. It's just not right.

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

I know, I know

Do you think I should give her the 'heads up' though? Talk to my cousin about what I know and let her know I am upset and I plan on talking to her DH about it?

I feel so alone...I wish DH wasn't in England

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

I'm so sorry DH is all the way in England I don't think that you should say something to your cousin first. Because then he will have time to come up with a story. Do you feel comfortable telling another family member what happened so you can have them there for support when you confront him?

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

Ick!! That's really a sleazy thing to do.

I would definitely confront this person about it. OR... since it is your DH's family, I would tell DH about it and let HIM do the confronting.

Since you already know how much each person was tipped, it will be easy to catch this person in a lie.

The only solution, if you can't get this creep to admit it and pay you back, is to tip the staff what you originally planned to give them, and then tell this person you have NO use for them in your life. If they have done it to others, it was only a matter of time before you and your DH became victims, too.

One of the best ways to judge how someone will eventually treat you is to watch how they treat others.

I'm so shocked there are actually people out there who would do something so low and disgusting.

Good luck and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

I would confront him because that is so low!

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

id definately confront him... its wrong to steal from family, i hope it goes ok for you

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

Confront the thieving b a s t a r d

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

I would confront him - tell him what the bartender told you. Then talk to your cousin too, so she knows also. This is terrible!

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

I would definitely confront him on it and good luck!!!

Re: I'm so upset...Family dilema and I don't know what to do.......

I would say something to him about it, that is so wrong. Tell him you spoke to your bartender friend and asked her if she was happy with the 100.00 tip and she than told you whe got 50.00 and then you inquired about the rest of the staff. Ask him what happened to the additional $$'s and that since he took on this responsability he needs to take care of it RIGHT AWAY. Than stay away from this sleeze!