Im sooo upset right now I dont know what to do

I was just told that my ticket to being a sahm has just been sold. My bil and sil were going to leave there baby with me and they were going to pay me ( a small amount but it would help big time with the bills) but now I my bil says that he is going to be working from home and that they dont need me anymore and he is going to watch the baby while working full time from home( good luck) Im soooo upset I cant stop crying everytime I think about it. I just dont think that we can afford full time day care yet what are my other choices at this point. I cant even think becuase I thought this was set in stone until now. Im really depressed at the thought of leaving the baby with anyone besides myself- and I have no family to help out becuase everyone works full time as well.

Im trying to come up with some kind of budget that may still allow me to stay home but I just cant see how that could work- yet we cant really afford full time daycare either

I am just starting my last trimester too and I was so looking foward to everything but now Im just sooo worried.

I don't really have any ideas, but I just want you to know you're not alone! Before my son was born, my mom was suppose to watch him 3 days a week because we couldn't afford daycare FT. Well, while I was in the hospital after having a C-section, something happened between me, my DH and my mother (I can't explain... it's a horrible memory!) and we didn't speak to my parents until Caiden was 3 months old. So while I was on my whole 6 weeks of unpaid maternity leave I had to find a daycare that had availability which was hard. Financially, we've been doing it, but almost every month we still come up short on our bills, and that's with my DH working 2 jobs! I just wanted to give you because I've been there! I also can't afford to be a SAHM either.

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Posted by Melissa

I don't really have any ideas, but I just want you to know you're not alone! Before my son was born, my mom was suppose to watch him 3 days a week because we couldn't afford daycare FT. Well, while I was in the hospital after having a C-section, something happened between me, my DH and my mother (I can't explain... it's a horrible memory!) and we didn't speak to my parents until Caiden was 3 months old. So while I was on my whole 6 weeks of unpaid maternity leave I had to find a daycare that had availability which was hard. Financially, we've been doing it, but almost every month we still come up short on our bills, and that's with my DH working 2 jobs! I just wanted to give you because I've been there! I also can't afford to be a SAHM either.

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Can I ask you a question- if we do decide to go the daycare route, Does your son like it?
Do you still get to spend time with him? The though of not being there makes me really upset I need to have some reasurance that everything is going to be ok.

I think you should seriously consider the costs of working with traveling, daycares and lunches. I did this and found it wasn't feasible for me to return to full-time. My husband and I have it worked out that two nights a week I work ( I begged my company to allow this) and make more than if I worked FT and paid everything. This way, my DH watches our daughter and we don't have the expense of paying anyone to watch her.

Also, look around, people are always looking for someone to watch a child PT.

I hope everything works out for you.

My son absolutely loves it. He has been there since he was 6 weeks old. That was hard, but it does get easier sooner than I thought. He's one of their favorites, and he gets so much attention and love. What did make it easier for me, was that everyday I would spend my lunchbreak there at the daycare with him. It was only 1/2 an hour, but it helped sooo much! I also breastfed him for 1 year, so I would do that too at lunch. It was 1 less pumping session for me to do during the day! If you have to go the daycare route, then you could always go to one close to your job. Mine was very close so it didn't even take 2 minutes to get there.


I'm not against being a SAHM, if I could I would, but I think I would still have him in daycare at least PT because the social interaction is sooooo good for them. They also learn so much there.


But I do think if you have to go the daycare route, go to one close to where you'll be so you can go see the baby at any time. Also, in my opinion, when picking a daycare, don't just go by how many stars they have, etc. Go with your gut instict on how you feel when you walk in the door and after you look around and talk to the people. That will tell you if it's a good place! Good luck... and if you have any other questions, let me know!

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Posted by jpsgirl

where do you live? maybe you could find another child to watch at your home in your area, and make even more than your brother in law was going to pay you? good luck!

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I live in coram, I was only going to charge them 600 per month for everything- so Im sure I can get more from someone else but I dont have any certification. Im looking into taking infant cpr but I dont know. does anyone know if you need to be certified to watch someone else child- would you leave your child with them? I mean I cant see why not It would be just myself and my baby and their baby so they would get lots of one on one attention. This may have to be something that I can look into.

I would have left the baby with someone I knew even if they were not certified.
Especially if it was just them and the 2 babies. I wish you lived closer to me I would let you watch my baby!

You will figure it out. You still have time. Don't let it upset you so much.

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Posted by Samanthas Mom

can you work PT?

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yes Im was actually planning on working part time already - that combined with the money from my bil would have been enough to live comfortably.

I have been caring for Molly while working from home since she was born and it is HARD...not sure what your BIL does, but in all honestly it is not like what he probably thinks. Trying having a conference call while your baby is crying or needs a diaper change. I put Molly in daycare 1 day a week at 14 weeks old (although we paid for 2x, the minimum) then at 5 months old she started going 2x a week, now at 15 months old she is in 3x a week. I keep the other 2 days as light with scheduled items as possible. I don't work 9-5 at all..at 10pm I am doing e-mails. I work weekends..all because I can't get everything I need to done with Molly at home with me. It is worth the effort for me...but it isn't easy. Your BIL may change his mind after he experiences this for himself.
Your SIL/BIL are probably just trying to save money on daycare.

Daycare is not easy for me..but I know that Molly loves playing with her friends and learning. She has always been well cared for. I recently switched daycares so she is in a Montesori program, that I totally love. But her daycare before was right off of LIE Exit 60 and they were WONDERFUL and LOVING. If you want the info let me know. Full time care is about $1K per month...but you get a $5K tax deducition when you do your taxes.

With a new baby yourself caring for another person's may not be super easy anyway. IMO you need time to get yourself used to your own baby before taking on another baby.
When you take a non-family member's baby into your home you have to keep in mind that if anything happens to the baby while under your care those people can sue you or hold you legally responsible. So if the child falls, like children do all the time, and gets hurt you could have a real problem. What about helping with before or after school? Those children are a bit older and that would still make you some money.

What kind of hours are your PT hours? Have you considered working 3 nights a week or something like that? I am not sure what you do so I don't know if that is workable but maybe a new PT job would be better.

I am sorry that your plan has been totally disrupted. That is really awful. But things always happen for a good reason. I promise you will figure this all out.

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Posted by michele31

I have been caring for Molly while working from home since she was born and it is HARD...not sure what your BIL does, but in all honestly it is not like what he probably thinks. Trying having a conference call while your baby is crying or needs a diaper change. I put Molly in daycare 1 day a week at 14 weeks old (although we paid for 2x, the minimum) then at 5 months old she started going 2x a week, now at 15 months old she is in 3x a week. I keep the other 2 days as light with scheduled items as possible. I don't work 9-5 at all..at 10pm I am doing e-mails. I work weekends..all because I can't get everything I need to done with Molly at home with me. It is worth the effort for me...but it isn't easy. Your BIL may change his mind after he experiences this for himself.
Your SIL/BIL are probably just trying to save money on daycare.


Daycare is not easy for me..but I know that Molly loves playing with her friends and learning. She has always been well cared for. I recently switched daycares so she is in a Montesori program, that I totally love. But her daycare before was right off of LIE Exit 60 and they were WONDERFUL and LOVING. If you want the info let me know. Full time care is about $1K per month...but you get a $5K tax deducition when you do your taxes.

With a new baby yourself caring for another person's may not be super easy anyway. IMO you need time to get yourself used to your own baby before taking on another baby.
When you take a non-family member's baby into your home you have to keep in mind that if anything happens to the baby while under your care those people can sue you or hold you legally responsible. So if the child falls, like children do all the time, and gets hurt you could have a real problem. What about helping with before or after school? Those children are a bit older and that would still make you some money.

What kind of hours are your PT hours? Have you considered working 3 nights a week or something like that? I am not sure what you do so I don't know if that is workable but maybe a new PT job would be better.

I am sorry that your plan has been totally disrupted. That is really awful. But things always happen for a good reason. I promise you will figure this all out.

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Thank you so much, I really apreciate all the info- I definitely agree that my bil is going to have a very tough time caring for a newborn and managing to keep his current job as a financial planner but he is convinced that he can do this. I wish him good luck I dont think he knows what he is in for. But unfortunately for me he is not a reliable source of income anymore whether or not he decides do that and I need to prepare myself for that.

I currently work in sales for a major coorperation my salary and dh salary would barely cover the cost of full time day care. I was planning on working either retail or in a restaurant a few nights during the week and one day on the weekend so Dh can watch the baby. Im very torn right now. Im not in love with my current full time job and was honestly looking foward to leaving regardless of the baby. I might look into another postion that pays more and possibly offers a more flexible schedule- Where I work now is very rigid and not very child friendly. Im also looking into our monthly budget in more detail hoping that I can somehow stay at home still.

Maybe you can try and cut back on some thigns liek switching phone compnays( i hear vonage is good and cheap) also maybe lowering car insurance. clipping coupons for foos bills. Good luck and many many

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Posted by Monkeybride

When is their baby due? Honestly I don't think he has any idea what trying to work FT and caring for a baby will be like. I have a feeling your services will be needed in the end.

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They are due one week after me in june. I know that they will relize eventually that its too much- he is very hard headed though - cant tell him anything.